NoChoice

I want the divorce, have wanted it since I left back in Nov 06 before I left for Iraq. Since I have been here in Iraq, my time of a 1 year separation came up so I hired an attorney back in the states to walk my papers thru for me so I didn't have to cope with it when I got home. I finally was able to send the papers back 30 Nov 07 after I waited out my time, the lawyer served him and he says "I am not going to argue anything, I want this over as soon as possible." Part of me is like WTF...you are the one who ruined the whole shabang and you want out so bad? The other part of me is wondering if he has some woman that will take his antics. It is just sad to have read this this morning. I know part self pity, part hurt. I want to be done with it but it really is ripping at my heart more than I thought it would. He was so awful. I know I don't want to be with him. I guess I am mourning the 10 years that I was involved with him off and on. I wanted so much for it to work. I wanted so much to have his baby that I miscarried, but it wasn't in the cards. I guess acceptance is what I am practicing now. I get to come home in less that 4 weeks and be with my family. I guess this is really a load to be carrying on and I never really realized it in Iraq because it is so far from reality in so many ways. The last thing I want to do is get invovled with someone again. One person wants to wait for me to come around to want to date and I have told him that I can't make any promises and I don't want anyone waiting to date. I just want to be left along and live my life. Yeah maybe I am putting up a wall. Maybe I am wanting to withdrawl. I just want to listen to me and the little girl inside of me who has had to relearn so many of lifes lessons the hard way due to an A father and my own alcoholism. I was doing ok and then I didn't listen to that little girl inside of me and I married this drunk as* and I am free (09 Jan I will be) and I guess I am just sad and need to vent because it is the holidays and I always have a hard time during the holidays and I just want to be happy, loved, and alone.

NoChoice

Ok that was initial shock of finding out that my divorce will be final. I guess I got to this point where I am in a whirlwind...I had to...So I get here to do my job, so far removed from XAH and the states and well...reality and babooooom it all hits home when the lawyer says the divorce will be final. I am ready to be divorced. I am hurting and sad and feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. I am trying my best to HALT...(make sure I don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) and keep with some sort of routine and praying a whole lot.

I have no idea how I would have made it thru with out all of you and SR. I remeber when I first left him sitting in the apartment I was living in ,surfing the net trying to find answers as to why my life was the way it was and he was the way he was and all of the sudden I found this site. What a Godsend. Since I don't have AA meetings to go to here, I read and get recovery at several forums. I was on SR every single day trying to get thru second by second last holiday. Then I was fretting his call, eventually I got strong enough to not answer. Now look at us...we are divorced, I can go on with my life. I really hope that I never go down that road again with an alcoholic or addict. Such an incredibly hard life. I really believe that I am sitting in Gods hands right now.

ICU

(((NoChoice)))

Whatever the reason(s) for a relationship ending, it is always sad and we mourn it. Just like acceptance, it's all part of the recovery process.

The holidays can also make it a bit more difficult. This is my third year without my ex at Christmas, and although I am much much happier and healthier, I still get a little 'twinge' if 'ya know what I mean.

Seems to me you have chosen a healthy path for yourself. And yes, I do believe that God is close by you keeping you safe in so many ways.

Sending you big hugs NoChoice, and thank you for your service in Iraq. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

NoChoice

Thanks ICU....Yes that is exactly what it is a 'twinge." I am really excited about my life and everyone in it that means so much to me. I am glad that I left a relationship that was so very unhealthy and that I got out when I did. The holidays definitely offer an added blow to it all. I was thinking to myself "it is really gonna be a blow for XAH to get served with divorce papers right before Christmas." I never really thought how it would be a blow for me too. It is a blow for me...ugh...a necessary upset. Thanks ICU.

cagefree

((((NoChoice))))

:ghug3

Barbara52

For me, I think as each step toward divorce happens, even when it what I want and know is right, it forces just a little more reality into the picture and I have to deal with it again. Each step forward in the legal system is another nail in the coffin of the marriage. And it hurts that a marriage is over, that all those dreams died. But I accept those twinges and I move on.

Kindeyes

NC
I wish I was there so I could give you a gentle hug in person. You have a lot on your plate right now. Divorce is the death declaration of a relationship and of course you will mourn that. I did.

I hope you will also feel the excitement and adventure of a new beginning. You have a whole new life opening up to you. A chance to be happy and healthy!

hugs
ke

Rella927

((((NoChoice))))))

I'm sorry you are going through this! It does sound that you have your thoughts all figured out in a healthy way!

God is watching over you more than you know hang in there