cinderellawkids

Ok everyone need happy thoughts.

Emotions are trying to beat me up lately. Tomorrow is/would be my wedding anniversary. My Ah and are have been separated alot this last year but most recently the last 10 weeks (and together only 2 months before that after a 5 month separation). This time he's out of state.

As recently as a month ago, he was promising to start sending money for child support and send me traveling money to come up with the kids for this long holiday weekend including our anniversary. Course nothing happened. As recent as this weekend he was trying to figure out how he could come visit for the weekend, and here we are...

I am so confused and hurt. My brain says, nothings changed... he's still making bad decisions carry on, tomorrows just another day, but it sux and it hurts and my heart is sore.

2 anniversarys ago he was working a program and took me for the most romantic anniversary weekend in a beautiful room he'd spent hours decorating, things were so great, until he relapsed 6 weeks after that. The last few days everytime I close my eyes, I see us there in that good place.

Today I just cant get passed it right now

Impurrfect

((Cindi)))

Ditto what anvil said. It always amazes me that my mind can focus on those few "sweet times" and forget about the 1000 bad times. I finally decided it's just a part of mourning the loss of what I thought I'd have with him.

I read something this morning that said "pain is my greatest motivator" and said that we grow the most when we are faced with pain. I'm trying to keep that in the back of my mind....a little hope that something good will come from even the worst of pain.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

kj21

Sorry for you pain right now! It is a hard time of year as it is and with your anniversary thrown in it must be very hard! Hugs to you.

Stuggling is natures way of making us stronger...
Keep your chin up

raerae6

Gee, i don't know what to say to help you feel better.

:ghug

cmc

****{Cinderella}}}}

Babs

All a part of the grieving process, Cindi. Such a normal thing to look back fondly to the times when we felt loved and cherished. We will break our hearts a thousand more times before we truly get through the grieving stage.

One of my cats died this morning, and as I stood over his little grave in the back yard I cried for my cat, but I also cried for my Mom and my brother and my marriage. I think grief is cumulative. Each time we experience it, it brings back all the old grief that we aren't done with yet. Unfortunately, the only way through it is through it.

Be assured that many loving thoughts are heading your way today. Much love and much energy. Hang on, Girlfriend. We are all here with you.

((((Hugs))))
Babs

nytepassion

No words .. Just a big ol' cyber ********{HUG}}}} for you and another one for your heart.

Passion

TrishaV

I am sorry that you are hurting...I hope the hugs help!!

(((((((CINDI))))))))))

lightseeker

my heart ached as I read your post. It's times like this that I'm especially glad that time passes and does move on. I think it's pretty normal to have thises feelings. For me, grief usually over the pain of not having what I want to have now. It's hard not to take addiction personally but it's not.....my RAH bailed on me 17 years ago. I know that he loved me but crack had a hold on his brain/being that nothing could have stopped. It pushed everything else out of the way.

Addiction is a terrible thing and it has such a deeper cost than most people realize. It robs people of lives - but it also robs people of their hopes and dreams.

Thinking about you now - Donna

liesagain

hugs to you cinder, its not an easy time and really no words can help just know you are in my thoughts!!! ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

outonalimb

(((((((((Cinders))))))))))

Anniversaries are bound to be tough...:ghug

My exah and I would have celebrated our 10th in October. I felt really sad then too. Its hard not to reminisce...to let your heart and mind wander back in time...

I know it hurts...

I also know it will pass. Be gentle with yourself...feel whatever it is that you need to feel...and then look forward. As much as it hurts, take pride in the fact that you see things for what they really are instead of living in some sort of fantasy land like we tend to do when we're stuck in denial. The truth hurts but it can also set you free !!

Hugs and understanding...

rayofsunshine

:sorry you're feeling so sad. Sending

marle

Just sending some hugs your way and prayers that you will feel better tomorrow. You know that you can still do something nice for yourself just because you are you. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

(((((Cindi))))) I'm sorry you are hurting. Your feelings are so "normal" but that doesn't make them any less painful. The one thing I find that helps me a little when I get to reminiscing about happy things that can no longer be is to try to view it as something to feel grateful to have experienced. It doesn't usually make things all better, but it does help to keep me from sinking into a deeper sadness.
Please know that you are loved and respected here and we all are walking with you during this difficult time. Many hugs

bookmiser

Cinder,

Wascally Wabbit

Cinderella, I have had many a Christmas holiday with nothing but disapointment. I am sorry you have to go through this.

It won't last for ever. Just remember that. Sunshine is coming! Just hold on and hang in there.

cinderellawkids

Thats exactly what it is and I just have to keep remembering that.

Of course he called this morning to say happy Anniversary, I take that for what it is...a thought int he right place for this moment.

Other things are going well today, so Im not feeling sad right now,
Thanks for all your thoughts and hugs and understanding

MsPINKAcres

glad other things are going well, Cindi - maybe that's your HP's way of letting you know that he has not left you alone to walk this road of pain, that he is with you and working for the best for you and your life.
Doesn't make the pain any less, but at least you can try to take comfort that it is not pain in vain.

((Cindi))

caileesnana

Remember the good times, but don't forget the bad! Learning to trust again takes time, and they must earn it back.

The only way to get over the pain is to go through it:atv. Know you are loved and not alone,
susan
:praying

cinderellawkids

You know what guys my mom put something in my mind as well. today is also another anniversary. The house Im living in now...my grandfather put the deposit down on it December 20, last year, I had forgotten because I didnt see it until the 22 and we didnt close until mid January