I think I'm just going to file.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 31
I think I'm just going to file.
Because right now there is no way I could ever live with her again. And it takes about a year, right?
This evening AW's mother called and asked if she would be able to come home if she gets out after the 20th (the trial). Our lawyers agreed that she could, through her mother, have third-party contact with me about the kids, but tonight she wanted to know all kinds of stuff, like:
1. "Where am I supposed to live?" I refused to answer. She is a grown up. If the court determines that she still can't come within 300ft of me or our kids for whatever time period, then it's her responsibility to find a place to live. It's not my responsibility to help you make plans for when you get out of jail. However, the house is half hers. If she wants to sic her lawyer on me, so be it.
2. Then she (this is all asked through her mother, who was talking to her on one phone and me on another) asked me to just tell her if I was going to divorce her. Again, I refused to answer. But then again, she's extremely intelligent, so she has to be delusional if she thinks, as she wants, we can "fix our life together." The only way to do that is to divorce while she, I, and our four-year-old are in recovery (yes, he has been recommended for play therapy due to the nightmarish conditions that used to exist in our home).
The weirdest thing about this whole situation is that she is acting as if the physical and psychological abuse she committed never took place, and it's all I think about whenever I see her or have to make any decisions regarding her or our family.
This evening AW's mother called and asked if she would be able to come home if she gets out after the 20th (the trial). Our lawyers agreed that she could, through her mother, have third-party contact with me about the kids, but tonight she wanted to know all kinds of stuff, like:
1. "Where am I supposed to live?" I refused to answer. She is a grown up. If the court determines that she still can't come within 300ft of me or our kids for whatever time period, then it's her responsibility to find a place to live. It's not my responsibility to help you make plans for when you get out of jail. However, the house is half hers. If she wants to sic her lawyer on me, so be it.
2. Then she (this is all asked through her mother, who was talking to her on one phone and me on another) asked me to just tell her if I was going to divorce her. Again, I refused to answer. But then again, she's extremely intelligent, so she has to be delusional if she thinks, as she wants, we can "fix our life together." The only way to do that is to divorce while she, I, and our four-year-old are in recovery (yes, he has been recommended for play therapy due to the nightmarish conditions that used to exist in our home).
The weirdest thing about this whole situation is that she is acting as if the physical and psychological abuse she committed never took place, and it's all I think about whenever I see her or have to make any decisions regarding her or our family.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
fff, you can file the complaint (initial filing for divorce proceedings) after living apart in Virginia for six months. In Maryland, you have to wait an entire year plus one day day - believe me, I know because as a resident of Maryland I had to wait all that time to legally start getting my ex outta my life for good.
Why was her mother playing the intermediary in a personal conversation about ending your marriage? If her mother is so willing to get involved, then perhaps your AW should live with her mom until she finds a place to live.
I think it was a good idea to not respond to her questions. She's an adult. She can find a place to live. Sounds like she was playing the helpless victim to manipulate you into taking her back into your home. Stand firm and be true to yourself. Do what you feel is necessary to maintain serenity in your home and your life.
Why was her mother playing the intermediary in a personal conversation about ending your marriage? If her mother is so willing to get involved, then perhaps your AW should live with her mom until she finds a place to live.
I think it was a good idea to not respond to her questions. She's an adult. She can find a place to live. Sounds like she was playing the helpless victim to manipulate you into taking her back into your home. Stand firm and be true to yourself. Do what you feel is necessary to maintain serenity in your home and your life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
fff, check with an attorny. My understanding of VA law is that because there is a child involved, you must be separated for at least 1 year before you can file for divorce. I believe there are other requirements also. I think you can file formal separation agreement before 1 yr if she will sign it but the divorce cannot be filed until after 1 year. Its a 6 month waiting period if there are no children in the marriage.
Do stand firm to protect your child and yourself. Your AW is a big girl and can deal with her problems on her own.
Do stand firm to protect your child and yourself. Your AW is a big girl and can deal with her problems on her own.
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