rainonme

Hi there,

Thanks to everyone for your support and sharing of your own stories. I have gained a lot of insight from listening to you all. AH has been working on his addiction and I am proud of him. He is 12 days sober right now. I am not jumping any guns, as I know this can change, but am trying to appreciate the effort right now and support/ encourage him for each day. I am also taking a strong focus on myself and things that I can do to build myself up (thinking about getting into art again-- something I used to do in highschool but LOVE!).

AH went to his now weekly individual therapy session last night and then to AA tonight. He did not want to go tonight, as he had therapy last night and felt it was too much all in a row (needed a break after working all day too). But he went. He said that the meeting was fine, but he was not really comfortable there. The people were very nice, but the style is not his flavor. Most of the attendees were older (in their 40's and 50's-- AH is 31). Also, you see, we are not really religious people and AH felt that the AA meeting he went to had a very strong focus on God and religion. My understanding is that AA does focus a lot on a "higher power" or a god, which is understandable and perfectly fine, but this may not mesh with our beliefs or where we are with our own spirituality/religion at this time. I encouraged him to try another AA to see if it was a better match, and he is willing to try it out. But was wondering if all AA's have such a strong focus on religion. Also, are there other groups besides AA that he could participate in if AA is not a good match? Thanks for any info!!!!

NoChoice

"My understanding is that AA does focus a lot on a "higher power" or a god, which is understandable and perfectly fine, but this may not mesh with our beliefs or where we are with our own spirituality/religion at this time. I encouraged him to try another AA to see if it was a better match, and he is willing to try it out. But was wondering if all AA's have such a strong focus on religion. Also, are there other groups besides AA that he could participate in if AA is not a good match? "


I wish I had my Big Book right here to quote but I don't....Yes AA does focus on a Higher Power...not religion. "Higher Power or a God of your understanding." When I first got sober I didn't get that whole concept so my sponsor told me that my HP could be anything, something physical worked for me initially until my own idea of my HP developed. Now I have a great, solid relationship with my HP....thank God. You can see that it really doesn't have much to do with your "spirituality/religion at this time" it is seperate from that.

There are a great deal of programs to help alcoholics but AA has a great track record. I suggest your A get a temporary sponsor until he gets a sponsor, someone with some time that can break it all down for him. Have you ever read the big book? It is a wonderful book and there is a chapter in there called "To Wives" which is great even though it should be titled "To Spouses" HA!

Good luck. It really is a wonderful program and I know it works, it is working for me. I hope this gave you a little insight.

SaTiT

Changes is a mistery.

denial is all powerful, there's different types of denail. or we denial
a lot of different issues. You know ..all of the so call BS, drama and chaos.

yes alot of people want to just stop drinking but not work on
the rest of the stuff. Just becuase he stops drinking dosen't
mean the rest of the stuff is going to stop on it's own.

The 12 steps is but one way of a person can use to learnd to live
a healhtier life.

are you sure it's the god thing or the hang ups of working the
rest of the steps...Step #3 is not an action steps.

you're not require to work the 12 steps in AA...it's just a suggestion.
AA is not in the bussiness of converting people.
AA states it at the begining of it's meeting...Religion or lack of religion.
but you know..we hear what we want to hear.
when we're ready...that's went we're ready

but anyway..why not just give it a 90 days test trial. if it dosn't
work then at least you can say...AA didn't work for you.

AA is not a cure all.

but 1 meeting ?? or a couple of meeting??..that's not even kicking the tires.lol

I started attending AA when I was only 22..so his not too young.
Yes..i can relate lots of older people..but those older people
where my resource...lots and lots of experince in life in general
so i don't have to try to re invent the wheel every time I have challenges
in life. They live through those life expeinces and step in pit fall or pot holes.
maybe they can give me tips.. to aviod those pit falls...if i wasn't so hard headed.
I'm not ..I belive I'm still alive becuase of those old fart.lol

Barbara52

Yeah, it should be To Spouses. It should also be updated for the real world of today. That chapter made me gag. But as they say, take what you need and leave the rest.

NoChoice

Yeah you said it Barbara 52...with each edition, they make some tiny changes...it is still not on par with today...far from it!

ichabod

My AH spent a year going to AA every day, and now goes occasionally when he feels the need.

He says that it is cliquish and that it seems like many people have substituted their addiction to alcohol for an obsession with AA, the meetings, and the people they've met there.

No doubt it is very helpful for many people, but I think that it is not the best approach for everyone.

Beautiful

The way that I understand the HP thing is this: If a person (A) believes that they are the center of the universe (symptom of alcoholism) then they do not have to acknowledge something bigger than they are. When they acknowledge something larger (HP) than they are then they are "submitting". Then they can actually admit that their life is unmanageable and go about changing it.

That's at least how I understand it.