When does it change?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i feel your pain. it is hard to trust an addict. they can not be trusted for a long time.they taught us well that they can not be. they have to earn trust by staying clean & sober. it takes time for them to really recover just as it takes time for us. we maintain by working our program &working our recovery on a daily basic. it takes some of us longer than others. i took baby steps in my recovery because my son never has been clean longer than 9 months & that was yrs. ago.we read & study & finally get it. hands of the addict.we are powerless. we can change nobody but our self. we walk thru the pain,we feel it & then let it go. i am saying a prayer for you & your b.f. i wish you peace.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
Thank you Hope,
you are 100% correct. I keep waiting for the instant gratification to kick in and it doesn't. I need to wait and allow myself to heal as well. I have such a tough time with that. I am still so damn resentful. The most difficult part is when his "past" as he calls it is brought up in conversation he speaks proudly of being "normal" now. I get so angry because I still hear all the nasty things he said to me while he was using. I still cower remembering all of it and part of me still wants to make him remember how badly he made me feel. But then the other side of me (the good side) kicks in and says, "Honestly, Cate, what is that going to prove?".
Nothing.
But that doesn't make the hurt less.
you are 100% correct. I keep waiting for the instant gratification to kick in and it doesn't. I need to wait and allow myself to heal as well. I have such a tough time with that. I am still so damn resentful. The most difficult part is when his "past" as he calls it is brought up in conversation he speaks proudly of being "normal" now. I get so angry because I still hear all the nasty things he said to me while he was using. I still cower remembering all of it and part of me still wants to make him remember how badly he made me feel. But then the other side of me (the good side) kicks in and says, "Honestly, Cate, what is that going to prove?".
Nothing.
But that doesn't make the hurt less.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
LaFlaca,
I agree with you and as luck has it his job has been changing. Recently he has been doing more in studio producing of his own music rather than DJing out in clubs. I am torn when it comes to that being it is the only thing that he has ever dedicated himself to EVER in his life. Since he was 16 he has focused his world around this.
It's a catch-22 situation.
I agree with you and as luck has it his job has been changing. Recently he has been doing more in studio producing of his own music rather than DJing out in clubs. I am torn when it comes to that being it is the only thing that he has ever dedicated himself to EVER in his life. Since he was 16 he has focused his world around this.
It's a catch-22 situation.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
When will I stop worrying? Is that the question???
We all know that relapse is always looming large.
What will you do if he does relapse?
Living in fear is living in the future and that is no way to live.
The best indicator would be if it is obvious he is actively working his recovery and making it the priority. Hanging with a different grp of friends, going to meetings, etc.Your worrying or wanting it for him won't matter at all.
We all know that relapse is always looming large.
What will you do if he does relapse?
Living in fear is living in the future and that is no way to live.
The best indicator would be if it is obvious he is actively working his recovery and making it the priority. Hanging with a different grp of friends, going to meetings, etc.Your worrying or wanting it for him won't matter at all.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
follow-up
Just wanted to let you all know how the weekend went. Mind you, I am still “on the mend”, but I wanted to start immediately taken what you have said into consideration. I went to a CoDA meeting Friday night. It really made me feel good. I voiced (FOR THE FIRST TIME!) how I was feeling and got some great input from some others. I came home walking on clouds.
My BF and I were planning to go away Saturday to go skiing. We packed Friday night and left early Saturday morning. It was diffcult for me as I am a new skier and this was a “where men are men and the sheep are nervous” type mountain, but surprisingly my BF was uncharacteristically patient with me. I know it can be tough for him as he is an expert skier and skiing with me can quickly become boring for him. Short story long, we had a great weekend.
I feel a lot better. His recovery is truly shining and mine should be too. He gave me a good reason to start working harder to accept the past as what it is and make something better of the future.
Thank you all for your input, I appreciate it.
My BF and I were planning to go away Saturday to go skiing. We packed Friday night and left early Saturday morning. It was diffcult for me as I am a new skier and this was a “where men are men and the sheep are nervous” type mountain, but surprisingly my BF was uncharacteristically patient with me. I know it can be tough for him as he is an expert skier and skiing with me can quickly become boring for him. Short story long, we had a great weekend.
I feel a lot better. His recovery is truly shining and mine should be too. He gave me a good reason to start working harder to accept the past as what it is and make something better of the future.
Thank you all for your input, I appreciate it.
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