ajangels2

Recently I have been praying and meditating on what I really want for my life. I have been working at a stable agency for the past couple of years and love my job, I love the work I do.. it doesn't pay much, but then Social work never has. My boys will be starting school next year and well I have some strong feelings about the school system in my area as well as the aftercare provided in the schools.

I guess my opinions and feelings are a bit different than the norm because of the work I do and what I see generated out of these schools,aftercares, etc. My dream was to stay home and take care of my kids... well that didn't happen because my husband is an addict and was active in his addiction. He had no stability in his work and my work was the one that provided the income and the health benefits... he stayed home and cared for the boys. I dealt with it and just did what I needed to do. AH has almost 8 months of sobriety under him now... a decent paying job and more skills to get better employment in the future. Granted he may have to go from place to place for the work but it could be there for him. So my goal now is to quit my job and find something part-time to be home for the kids, work on their homework, etc. Doing this would free me up to also go back to school and work on my Master's Degree.

What I'm realizing is that I have to love myself to feel that I deserve these goals in the first place and then work out a plan to see if I can bring it to fruition. I think for the past 5 or so years I have basically just been doing what I needed to do and didn't think much about myself. Just doing for the AH and the kids and denying myself my dreams. I feel that the healthier I become the more I want to give to myself and the kids. I get angry at myself sometimes because I just forgot about me and forgot about the dreams and goals I had... just can't do that anymore. Long term further my education will give me an opportunity to do the kinds of jobs I want and give my children the personal time they deserve. AH is not going to do this... he just does not have the desire or the skills right now to be there for the kids like that. Thanks for letting me share.

Peace,
ajangels

GiveLove

AJ, wonderful thoughts. I so wish I'd had a mother like you.

Hugs and strength to carry out your plan for yourself and your kids. I hope they realize some day what a wonderful job you've done with them.

GL

kelsh

AJAngels2,

I hope when you talk about your husband and his 8 months of sobriety that you are thinking he can take care of himself now so you don't have to worry about him so you can get on with your life.

I did this very thing you are talking about...I divorced my second husband, spun my wheels for four years and then made plans to work part time and go back to college to get my BA Degree and eventually a good job with good insurance.

I had one daughter still home, eleven years old, and the older children were all on their own. I was able to do this because I had very good child support and was eligible for financial aide through the Pell Grant due to the fact that I was 49 years old and a single Mom. I did not take student loans even though I could have because I didn't want to owe a lot of money when I got done with my BA Degree.

I worked from 9 AM to 3 PM & went to classes late afternoon and evening. I took two years to do this. Then I got a job at the County Mental Health as a Mental Health Technican & after two years work experience was able to get promoted to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor. I already had ten years experience working wih the Elderly and this was what I wanted to continue doing.

I qut drinking in 1988 and got help for my depression and after a year of sobriety went back to college...I started my new career at 50 years old. I absolutely loved my job and the people I worked with.

My daughter did well and graduated from high school and went on her own then. I never dreamed I would be able to do this. I was told by a counselor that I was taking on too big of a goal. I did it though and even though I got tired was on the Deans list every semester of college. :morning

I wish you the very best of luck. It worked for me and it will work for you. I did careful planning and had a very strict budget for myself. My daughter did not lack for anything she needed through her school years. :comfort

ajangels2

Thanks Kelsh for the positive post and way to go for you!! That is awesome.

AH has his choices to make too... I have put off my dreams long enough and I guess I feel healthy enough to take this on.