Thinking of drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Thinking of drinking
I have been thinking of drinking all week, as of yet I haven't, but I am not sure for how much longer. I keep questioning if I am really an alcoholic and whether I could manage moderation. I know alot of you will say this is not possible. I don't know whether it is or not for me as I have never really tried serious moderation.
I don't know, I don't know what to do. I wish the thoughts would leave me be, I can't deal with them. I feel like crying, a big part of me thinks it's worth a go, another part is scared that if I do, I'll have to go through withdrawal again. Then I think well if I only drink once a week surely I won't.
It's been a long week and I am tired of fighting, I have been having these thoughts all day, I have been keeping busy, making some christmas cards, tidying the house, which I haven't really done since I quit but nothing will take these thoughts away so I am so tempted to give this moderation a try.
It's been about 7 1/2 weeks I think since I last had a drink.
Sax
I don't know, I don't know what to do. I wish the thoughts would leave me be, I can't deal with them. I feel like crying, a big part of me thinks it's worth a go, another part is scared that if I do, I'll have to go through withdrawal again. Then I think well if I only drink once a week surely I won't.
It's been a long week and I am tired of fighting, I have been having these thoughts all day, I have been keeping busy, making some christmas cards, tidying the house, which I haven't really done since I quit but nothing will take these thoughts away so I am so tempted to give this moderation a try.
It's been about 7 1/2 weeks I think since I last had a drink.
Sax
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I think it's safe to say that if you're an alcoholic, moderation will not work. It might seem like it for awhile. I know I tried it countless times. It would work for a bit, and then I'd be gone. And, while I was moderating, all I was thinking about was alcohol. I would think about when I could next drink, what, how much...it was awful. It was really a relief to just say 'No more'.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
It's been about 7 1/2 weeks I think since I last had a drink.
BTW...how many AA meetings have you made in the past two months? Or have you been "white-knuckling" it? Perhaps you need to double up on meetings, if you've been making any at all. Whatever it takes...do not pick up again!!! I can guarantee you'll be sorry, if you do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Hi Saxony,i've tried moderation before and it only lasted a short while.I would suggest that what you are thinking is typical for many of us at certain low or vulnerable times.Try and list the positives and negatives with resuming and keep them somewhere where you can regularly go through them.If you are anything like me then the cons outweigh the pros by some distance.To stop for over 50 days,and congratulations on that,and then to start again would be a big shame.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Craving a drink...
Hi Saxony,
I was what they called a maintenace drinker....drinking the same amount every evening after work. I usually drank six Old English beers...a higher alcohol content than regular beer.
I got drunk every night for almost four years. I drank more on the weekends when around others that drank. :caveman
I still had problems...it is said it isn't how much you drink, or how often you drink, but if alcohol is causing any problems in your life...relationship, marriage, work, kids, parents, the law, and so on.
A person can drink once a year...get a DUI...have a car accident...so does have a problem with alcohol but it may be ones first run in with the law but will cost this person many $$$$$$ before being is free from this incident.
I didn't have any run-ins with the law but should have for drinking and driving. My life revolved around alcohol and if I would have enough money to last until payday. I was on a very limited budget..$550 a month...this was in the 1980's.
I had a teenager at home with a new diagnosis of Juvenile Diabetes and needed to have a clear head to help her with her Insulin, diet, and blood sugar testing. I had to look in the garbage can to see what I had cooked her for dinner the night before. This was for her weekly record that we took to her weekly
doctor's appointment. This was my BOTTOM!
I went to Mental Health that afternoon for an appointment to get help for my alcoholism and depression.
That was the beginning of my process to get sober and stay sober with the help of many people and the AA Program.
People here on Sober Recovery have given you some good advice. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, a AA Meeting is a good place to start. :comfort
kelsh
I was what they called a maintenace drinker....drinking the same amount every evening after work. I usually drank six Old English beers...a higher alcohol content than regular beer.
I got drunk every night for almost four years. I drank more on the weekends when around others that drank. :caveman
I still had problems...it is said it isn't how much you drink, or how often you drink, but if alcohol is causing any problems in your life...relationship, marriage, work, kids, parents, the law, and so on.
A person can drink once a year...get a DUI...have a car accident...so does have a problem with alcohol but it may be ones first run in with the law but will cost this person many $$$$$$ before being is free from this incident.
I didn't have any run-ins with the law but should have for drinking and driving. My life revolved around alcohol and if I would have enough money to last until payday. I was on a very limited budget..$550 a month...this was in the 1980's.
I had a teenager at home with a new diagnosis of Juvenile Diabetes and needed to have a clear head to help her with her Insulin, diet, and blood sugar testing. I had to look in the garbage can to see what I had cooked her for dinner the night before. This was for her weekly record that we took to her weekly
doctor's appointment. This was my BOTTOM!
I went to Mental Health that afternoon for an appointment to get help for my alcoholism and depression.
That was the beginning of my process to get sober and stay sober with the help of many people and the AA Program.
People here on Sober Recovery have given you some good advice. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, a AA Meeting is a good place to start. :comfort
kelsh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Well I am not going to drink today. I have to think about this alot more, I don't think I do want to drink, not really, I just need to work on getting rid of the thoughts.
Greatfull Heart, Can people see my email address? Or did you mean a private message. Either way I have not received anything.
Sax
Greatfull Heart, Can people see my email address? Or did you mean a private message. Either way I have not received anything.
Sax
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
The longer you stay away from drinking the better it gets. The thoughts will go away. Never thought that would happen myself but it did.
Ya know I thought about my life before I started drinking. At least 17 years of living without it. And I went through up's and down's with out it.
It helped me, so thought I would share that.
Ya know I thought about my life before I started drinking. At least 17 years of living without it. And I went through up's and down's with out it.
It helped me, so thought I would share that.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by Saxony 
I have been thinking of drinking all week, as of yet I haven't,
Sax
Sax
The man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, than the drink takes the man. UGGHHHHH
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Sax,
I went through many periods in early sobriety (and beyond) where I questioned whether I was really an alcoholic. I drank a couple of times to test this theory, and although nothing changed, I was willing to admit defeat.
I've learned that people who are not alcoholics are able to look at booze and take it or leave it. When I made a decision not to drink, it was all I could think of. My sponsor pointed out that there was a good chance I was an alcoholic if I was obsessing over it.
The two times I relapsed with alcohol, as soon as I felt the alcohol go down my throat and hit my stomach, I was filled with terrible remorse. That was a real moment of truth for me - I knew I had just thrown away my sobriety, and would have to start over. I went to as many meetings as possible, called people, got involved in service work, saw an addictions counsellor, changed jobs, and did whatever I had to in order to safeguard my sobriety.
Don't give up - things will look up.
I went through many periods in early sobriety (and beyond) where I questioned whether I was really an alcoholic. I drank a couple of times to test this theory, and although nothing changed, I was willing to admit defeat.
I've learned that people who are not alcoholics are able to look at booze and take it or leave it. When I made a decision not to drink, it was all I could think of. My sponsor pointed out that there was a good chance I was an alcoholic if I was obsessing over it.
The two times I relapsed with alcohol, as soon as I felt the alcohol go down my throat and hit my stomach, I was filled with terrible remorse. That was a real moment of truth for me - I knew I had just thrown away my sobriety, and would have to start over. I went to as many meetings as possible, called people, got involved in service work, saw an addictions counsellor, changed jobs, and did whatever I had to in order to safeguard my sobriety.
Don't give up - things will look up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Saxony,
You know I used to have the same thoughts as you , UNTIL one night I heard a very long time sober member share , that
"You can do ANYTHING in this life EXCEPT drink alcohol,"
and for me that put it in perspective . How important is it ?
I had often heard in the rooms " Throw in the towel" "Surrender to win" ect , and didnt really get it , at all
That night , for me , things changed .
I DID just throw in the towel, and gave up fighting it .
I ACCEPTED that , yes , I was an Alcoholic , but that isnt all I am .
Once I truly accepted that fact , I was free to get on with my life , work my steps, and find a new life with choices , something I had never had !
SUCH freedom once you just let go,
I wish you well.
in the meantime
Up your meetings
Ring someone BEFORE you drink
Speak honestly to your Sponser re this
If someone at a meeting says "Hi How's it going " tell them, share your discomfort .
HUGX
Leigh
You know I used to have the same thoughts as you , UNTIL one night I heard a very long time sober member share , that
"You can do ANYTHING in this life EXCEPT drink alcohol,"
and for me that put it in perspective . How important is it ?
I had often heard in the rooms " Throw in the towel" "Surrender to win" ect , and didnt really get it , at all
That night , for me , things changed .
I DID just throw in the towel, and gave up fighting it .
I ACCEPTED that , yes , I was an Alcoholic , but that isnt all I am .
Once I truly accepted that fact , I was free to get on with my life , work my steps, and find a new life with choices , something I had never had !
SUCH freedom once you just let go,
I wish you well.
in the meantime
Up your meetings
Ring someone BEFORE you drink
Speak honestly to your Sponser re this
If someone at a meeting says "Hi How's it going " tell them, share your discomfort .
HUGX
Leigh
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Sax, Rowan said it all really for me.
but - I tried *so many* maintenance and moderation things -
only drinking certain times...failed...certain days...failed....only drinking 'soft' liquor (LOL)....failed...drinking water to match every glass of booze...failed after the first couple...sticking to a limit...failed...
I always ended up back in the same sad dark place and the eventual realisation that I was, and am, and always will be an alcoholic.
I might as well be a diabetic or something - it's so unfair and it sucks - but it's here and it's not curable and it's not gonna go away....
Don't take the 15 years of banging your head against the wall refusing to accept this that I did, Sax.
D
but - I tried *so many* maintenance and moderation things -
only drinking certain times...failed...certain days...failed....only drinking 'soft' liquor (LOL)....failed...drinking water to match every glass of booze...failed after the first couple...sticking to a limit...failed...
I always ended up back in the same sad dark place and the eventual realisation that I was, and am, and always will be an alcoholic.
I might as well be a diabetic or something - it's so unfair and it sucks - but it's here and it's not curable and it's not gonna go away....
Don't take the 15 years of banging your head against the wall refusing to accept this that I did, Sax.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Hi Sax, just hang in there. Go to more meetings, come on here more.
I've had a bad week myself. Maybe we both have paws. So I came on here. They say it will get better and i believe them.
I know moderation will not help especially for the alcoholic. Things will just end up back where they were in your life.
Barb
I've had a bad week myself. Maybe we both have paws. So I came on here. They say it will get better and i believe them.
I know moderation will not help especially for the alcoholic. Things will just end up back where they were in your life.
Barb
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 69
It's funny.
I took a late shower to get ready for my school's football game tonight. I got out and said to myself "Cool! I get to go get wasted with my buds!"
That lasted for about three seconds until I remembered that I am an alcoholic that doesn't drink anymore. I will admit, it's kind of sad when you get your old hopes up, only to have to come back to reality. I suppose that's why they call it "recovery," and not "quitting."
I took a late shower to get ready for my school's football game tonight. I got out and said to myself "Cool! I get to go get wasted with my buds!"
That lasted for about three seconds until I remembered that I am an alcoholic that doesn't drink anymore. I will admit, it's kind of sad when you get your old hopes up, only to have to come back to reality. I suppose that's why they call it "recovery," and not "quitting."
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Empty Cartridge, I feel nostalgic for the "old days" all the time. Except that the old days ended up leading me on a terrifying journey. Let's all try to remember how not fun it ended up being!
I did just as Dee did, but for far longer - I would have done ANYTHING to not have to say the words "I can't drink again." Being sober seemed so boring - nothing to look forward to. I bargained with myself all the time, "I don't have to quit all together, I'll just drink on weekends" (not every day!), "I'll just drink beer" (no more 100 proof vodka!), "I'll only buy a six-pack (not a 30-pack!), & when the six-pack's gone, I won't buy anymore", & when I said those things I really meant them, but after one or two drinks it was all out the window. Only a handful of times in over 20 years was I able to stick to my resolve. When I quit for 3 years and then resumed drinking I completely tanked. That's when I got my 3 DUI's, lost the trust of my family & boss & had horrible health problems. As I'm sure you've heard, we don't go back to square one with it, we pick right up where we left off.
Sax, I feel that to experiment with drinking at this point you may go into a real tailspin. I longed to control it and be able to enjoy it like other people. If you're truly an alcoholic no amount of willpower is going to save you. If I could have moderated I would have done so many years ago before I did irreparable damage to my reputation, my health, and my relationships. It's good that you shared these feelings, though!
I did just as Dee did, but for far longer - I would have done ANYTHING to not have to say the words "I can't drink again." Being sober seemed so boring - nothing to look forward to. I bargained with myself all the time, "I don't have to quit all together, I'll just drink on weekends" (not every day!), "I'll just drink beer" (no more 100 proof vodka!), "I'll only buy a six-pack (not a 30-pack!), & when the six-pack's gone, I won't buy anymore", & when I said those things I really meant them, but after one or two drinks it was all out the window. Only a handful of times in over 20 years was I able to stick to my resolve. When I quit for 3 years and then resumed drinking I completely tanked. That's when I got my 3 DUI's, lost the trust of my family & boss & had horrible health problems. As I'm sure you've heard, we don't go back to square one with it, we pick right up where we left off.
Sax, I feel that to experiment with drinking at this point you may go into a real tailspin. I longed to control it and be able to enjoy it like other people. If you're truly an alcoholic no amount of willpower is going to save you. If I could have moderated I would have done so many years ago before I did irreparable damage to my reputation, my health, and my relationships. It's good that you shared these feelings, though!
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Saxony...sorry I'm late to this thread. You've gotten some good advice already but I just wanted to lend my support. 
Don't drink hun... youll be going backwards. Stay where you are and continue foward. It's easier than you think 
.
Don't drink hun... youll be going backwards. Stay where you are and continue foward. It's easier than you think .
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