OT Frustrated
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
OT Frustrated
My stepdaughter needed a place to stay as she said "not for long just a couple months." This was back in may. She is 25 yrs old. I love her dearly but she has quite a temper. I have watched her over the last 15 yrs really get down & dirty with her mom, dad, sister, aunt & boyfriend. I have been sprared this untill today.
For quite somtime she has been talking about going back to college (she now has an associate degree in travel) Well she applied to school & is taliking about quiting her job ect. I have wanted to know for quite somtime what her plans were, but have put it off cuz I kept thinking anytime she will let us know. I also didn't want to rock the boat. This morning she was talking about her job ect & I asked what her plans were. I very nicly & casualy asked if she was going to go to school part time, full time, get her own place, stay here ect. I said last we knew she just needed a place for a couple months & would she let us know when she figures things out.
I thought things went great. Wrong. I was out running around a good part of the day. She ended up getting a couple of her friends (who also still live at home at 25 & 26 yrs old) When I got home, Sara my step was moving out. F bombs flying, saying don't even talk to me. That she can't believe me & her dad can't support her. ( I don't know if she ment finacially or in her decision to go back to college.) She is moving in with her BF that she tried to live w once before. It didn't work. She breaks up with him I swear every 3 or 4 weeks saying she hates him. She has a brand new car & car payment thanks to the last time her mom was in town. I was going to take Sara car shoping for a car in her budget, but mom took her out & she got a brand new pontiac G6. Her mom lives out of state bc her husband had a job trandsfer. I don't see why she should pay mega bucks for a car & not be able to pay for her own place.
I feel bad that she took things way out of context. But when she asked for a place to stay it wasn't like untill she's 30. I don't believe she should be codled. I also don't think it's right for her to think she doesn't have to clue us in on her plans. We had a nordictrack that ended up in my dining room, and alot of stuff we had to juggle to get it to work for her. Why do kids just think we owe them f o r e v e r? Thanks for the vent.
For awhile Sara had her own apartment. But her mom was paying her rent. I called her mom to tell her what had happened & she just talked about how can a child (25!) be expected to live on her own only making $13 an hour, bla bla bla.
For quite somtime she has been talking about going back to college (she now has an associate degree in travel) Well she applied to school & is taliking about quiting her job ect. I have wanted to know for quite somtime what her plans were, but have put it off cuz I kept thinking anytime she will let us know. I also didn't want to rock the boat. This morning she was talking about her job ect & I asked what her plans were. I very nicly & casualy asked if she was going to go to school part time, full time, get her own place, stay here ect. I said last we knew she just needed a place for a couple months & would she let us know when she figures things out.
I thought things went great. Wrong. I was out running around a good part of the day. She ended up getting a couple of her friends (who also still live at home at 25 & 26 yrs old) When I got home, Sara my step was moving out. F bombs flying, saying don't even talk to me. That she can't believe me & her dad can't support her. ( I don't know if she ment finacially or in her decision to go back to college.) She is moving in with her BF that she tried to live w once before. It didn't work. She breaks up with him I swear every 3 or 4 weeks saying she hates him. She has a brand new car & car payment thanks to the last time her mom was in town. I was going to take Sara car shoping for a car in her budget, but mom took her out & she got a brand new pontiac G6. Her mom lives out of state bc her husband had a job trandsfer. I don't see why she should pay mega bucks for a car & not be able to pay for her own place.
I feel bad that she took things way out of context. But when she asked for a place to stay it wasn't like untill she's 30. I don't believe she should be codled. I also don't think it's right for her to think she doesn't have to clue us in on her plans. We had a nordictrack that ended up in my dining room, and alot of stuff we had to juggle to get it to work for her. Why do kids just think we owe them f o r e v e r? Thanks for the vent.
For awhile Sara had her own apartment. But her mom was paying her rent. I called her mom to tell her what had happened & she just talked about how can a child (25!) be expected to live on her own only making $13 an hour, bla bla bla.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
helpus,
I think you accomplished your end of the bargain, she said TWO months, and you let it slide, until it turned into almost SIX months.
And that was darn nice of you, I'd say...
Hugs,
I think you accomplished your end of the bargain, she said TWO months, and you let it slide, until it turned into almost SIX months.
And that was darn nice of you, I'd say...
Hugs,
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
She is old enough to be out on her own... the F-bombs and anger are all covering up her fear. The only way to do it... is to do it.
She will find out. Life will teach her the lessons that no one else can teach her.
Be happy that she isn't 45.
She will find out. Life will teach her the lessons that no one else can teach her.
Be happy that she isn't 45.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Oh yes. I know all the words to this song! You simply asked a question, a REASONABLE question... and she reacted from a place of immaturity and fear. I agree with what's been said above... and hopefully she will get over her anger in time and realize that it's time she be responsible for herself.
Hugs from mom (and former stepmom) to mom
Cats
Hugs from mom (and former stepmom) to mom
Cats
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You have done nothing wrong. Her struggle isn't with you, it's with her own maturity (or lack of it). It also sounds like she has been spoiled and perhaps it would be good for her to learn to take care of herself.
I think you did well to put a very reasonable question out there and then not react when she used that as an opportunity to stomp her feet.
Hugs
I think you did well to put a very reasonable question out there and then not react when she used that as an opportunity to stomp her feet.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
You had the right to ask what her plans are. We have raised a generation that I call the ME generation. What will you do for me, what will you give me, you owe me, you need to support me forever. It is about time so many of them lear the true meaning of growing up.
Hugs to you
Hugs to you
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