aztchr

Hi everyone,

My sister is back at my parents' house. She was back and forth for awhile, got angry with my parents and left. Now she called and dad picked her up again this time without the bf. She made another appt. for psych. evaluation and drug counseling, etc. She thinks she has bi-polar disorder and addictive personality, knows she can't be around the friends who use, etc. I hope she can get some help.

I'm writing for advice to pass along to my mom. My parents haven't been getting along for quite awhile mainly due to my sister's problems which affect the family.
I've been going to Nar-anon and my mom joined me last week. Hope she will keep coming back.

Mom expresses much anger toward my sister, my sister's attitude is awful toward mom, mom and dad are on different pages with boundaries so it's been quite a stressful situation for my mom. I offered for her to come stay with me for awhile, but she doesn't want to leave, yet. When I talk to her, she's just a mess, angry and crying. My mom also had been gone from the home for 6 months out of state(taking care of my grandma during an amputation) and when my mom returned, both my sister and dad really just treated my mom like an outsider. It was as if my dad kept enabling my sister after much manipulation by my sister and now that mom is back and trying to establish some new boundaries, they both are just so disrespectful to her. After awhile, she just can't take much more of both their behaviors.

Did any other parents end up having marital problems, too along with addicted children? I'm at a loss in giving any more advice.

Thanks for any replies!!

Impurrfect

Aztchr -

I don't have any experience but will keep you and your mom (and the rest of the family) in my prayers.

My dad and stepmom are having their own issues (partly because my stepmom loves her lortab) and I'm living at home so get a front row seat. It's really hard because I love both of them, but I can't fix it. So, I understand how this is affecting you.

Hugs and prayers!!

Amy

kelsh

Hi aztchr,

I have been there and it is very hard. My husband wanted me to discipline my daughter more than I did. She had been abused by her biolgical dad, diagnosed with diabetes and depression and had out of control behaviors at age eleven until she had been on the insulin for a while.

I ended up moving out...was trying to quit drinking but was getting back into it after stopping for three months. We were separated about a year and a half...had been divorced years earlier but planned to stay together again. We started spending the weekends together and this is what my daughter wanted too.

I went to get help for my drinking and depression and went back to AA. It had been fourteen years since the last time I quit. I got counseling for both my alcoholism and depression...two separate counselors. It worked for me. When I had been sober a year I went back to college..got a BA Degree in Psychology and got a good job after I finished college. I worked half days and went to school late afternoons and evenings.

I moved back in with my first husband and in a few years we got re-married. We are both retired now and happy. My daughter is 30 years old and married.

When ever there is stress over some catastrophic family event...it tests both husband and wife and the children also. It seems one parent will gang up on the other parent depending what the child is doing. Some children will play one parent against the other and it is such a volitile situation for everyone. So sometimes it can lead to a divorce or maybe a separation.

I wish all the best for you and your Mom. It sounds like she can talk with you. It is hard to sort out feelings in this kind of situation.

kelsh

BigSis

Oh Baby... hell yeah!

Both our kids are addicts. And at different times, each of us (Mr. Big and I) were at different places in our acceptance and knowledge around that.

I started going to Alanon, and that helped me not only with my OWN understanding of addiction, but also my acceptance of Mr. Big's need to learn about it at his own pace.

After about two years, we found that we were far closer in our idea of "what works" and their addiction drew us closer than we had been in years.

You know, I 'got' the idea of not enabling faster than he, but I was secretly releived more than once when he couldn't kick our daughter to the street. By the time we were both on the same page at the same time, she was far enough into her chaotic behavior that it was obvious to BOTH of us.

I've been going to Alanon for over 3 years, now. Alanon and coming in her to SR have been the two BIGGEST things I did that helped me understand, accept and love my addicted children.

This could have broken our family far apart... instead, we are closer and kinder than ever before. Daughter is clean today... but son is still out there, and getting a little worse, I think.

But Mr. Big and I are good. Better than I could ever have imagined. And he doesn't go to Alanon at all... I think if even one partner can go on a regular basis, it changes the dynamic in such a way that peace and comfort can find their way into everyone's hearts.

I wish you the best. (((aztchr)))

hope213

i am sorry this is happening. yes, it can tear any family apart if they r not not the same page. why not ask your father to go to a meeting with you.just a suggestion.i hope your mom will continue to go. prayers for your family.