lotustea

My ex came over- we have gotten to be pals since I left him 7 months ago - and he brought some crack with him- and we stayed up all night till 1pm the next day smoking. I am feeling really crappy about it. I guess I need to keep him at arms length from now on. I am moving in 2 weeks to do a big dream project I got funding for and I have only used with him and am not afraid about getting back into it. It is so easy to fall back into old patterns with him- it was just like old times - he said "I have a little hit" then there was no stopping me. Am angry at him angry at myself now. I have been away from this anger for so long now -- when we were using together (and were a couple) I would get this anger going and just smoke again which I am not about to do. I am steering clear of him but for business appointments now-- and he id driving me to my new town in two weeks- a 14 hour trip. Damn I dont know how to process these feelings. It wasnt fair to either of us-- since I have had this hard line for him that if he quit maybe we could get back together. He is in deep- I mean he has been doing better- has his days but I am now thinking maybe I dont realize just how deep he is in.

exjunky

I think the problem is obvious... nobody who really loves you is going to wave crack under your nose and ask you to take a hit. Let me guess--drugs had something to do with why you broke up in the first place? I think you need to keep more than arm's length away. Preferably a different continent.

I can tell you still have feelings for him, but in my experience that never works with addicts. Two addicts tend to be as strong as the weakest link, which usually isn't very strong at all.

Anyhow, as long as it was an isolated incident it's no big deal. When you fall, you have to get back on that horse. (Wait a minute--bad word choice.)

marle

My daughter lives with her crack addict boyfriend. Like exjunky says, no one that really loves you would give you crack. I tried to tell my daughter that (her abf buys her all kinds of drugs, but has no money to buy her asthma meds, go figure) but she is so codependent that she can't see life without him or the drugs. For your own recovery, turn your back on him. You can't save him but he can sure bring you down. Hugs, Marle

ccgirl

Oh, Lotus, I ditto about the boyfriend. It stinks to relapse use after that amount of time, but just shake it off, don't beat yourself up about it and just change your clean date on the calendar. We carry around enough shame and guilt to last 4 lifetimes, so try not to berate yourself too hard.