used after 7 mos. clean
My ex came over- we have gotten to be pals since I left him 7 months ago - and he brought some crack with him- and we stayed up all night till 1pm the next day smoking. I am feeling really crappy about it. I guess I need to keep him at arms length from now on. I am moving in 2 weeks to do a big dream project I got funding for and I have only used with him and am not afraid about getting back into it. It is so easy to fall back into old patterns with him- it was just like old times - he said "I have a little hit" then there was no stopping me. Am angry at him angry at myself now. I have been away from this anger for so long now -- when we were using together (and were a couple) I would get this anger going and just smoke again which I am not about to do. I am steering clear of him but for business appointments now-- and he id driving me to my new town in two weeks- a 14 hour trip. Damn I dont know how to process these feelings. It wasnt fair to either of us-- since I have had this hard line for him that if he quit maybe we could get back together. He is in deep- I mean he has been doing better- has his days but I am now thinking maybe I dont realize just how deep he is in.