mama3

Hey guys. I am new here. My husband is an alcoholic. Things have never been physically violent until a few months ago. It happened one time and I had him arrested.
We were seperated for a couple of months and now back together. He continues to make me "pay" for having him arrested.
I am soooooooooooo tired. I have no self-esteem left. I am so depressed all the time. He has not drank anything in one week and he says he will not drink anymore. I said "show me".............I can't continue to live like this but I am afraid to leave. I am so afraid of being alone. Help!!!

mama3

I feel numb (if that makes sense).........I really feel like that I have no more feelings. I feel like they are all used up on my AH.
Sometimes I think I am crazy. I love my husband (I think) but I don't like him at all. I have absolutely no respect for him anymore, I have taken too much verbal and emotional abuse. He has killed it. My question is will it ever be back?

DesertEyes

Hello there Mama3, and welcome to SoberRecovery

I moved your posts to a thread of their own because they were getting lost in the middle of that other thread. Over here people can more easily see that you have just arrived and give you a proper welcome.

If I can suggest that you read thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. There is a lot of great information there that will help you make sense of what alcoholism is and how it affects him _and_ you.

You can also try meetings of al-anon, you can find them in your phone book. Those meetings are attended by folks just like you and me, folks who are dealing with the effects of somebody else's drinking. They have great books that I found wonderful, and it helped me a lot to have real people to listen to.

You will never again be alone, you have all of us here and all the people in the meetings of al-anon who will walk _with_ you thru all this hardship.

Mike

cmc

Welcome to SR. In Alanon, I learned that the only person I can control is myself, and that I am the only one who can help myself. Meetings offer wonderful support, I hope you will give Alanon a try.
Please continue to post, let us know how you are doing, and keep yourself safe.

Lilyflower

Hi there and welcome,

So sorry to hear your feeling low. All I can say is read around the posts here and the stickies. Try to absorb as much as you can and begin to heal yourself from within. I cannot say whether you can begin to love him like you once did, but you shouldn't be made to feel bad about protecting yourself. Is he dumping his guilty conscience on you?

Keep your self safe, and keep coming here to chat to us all, we are only a keyboard away...

mama3

Thanks guys for your advice and your help. If I post something in the wrong place please feel free to move it. Thanks again

Barbara52

Welcome mama3.

I never experienced physical abuse in my marriage. But having experienced as a child from my father and having watched him beat my mother and me and my brothers, there is no way I would ever tolerate it. One instance would have been enough for me to end the marriage (or any other relationship).

I can understand the fear of being alone. That's scary under any circumstances for many of us. I would be asking myself the classic question of whether I am better off with or without him?

Rella927

Welcome to SR Mama! so glad that you have found us!

The suggestion of Al-Anon is a wonderful one! Please give it a try-I was physically abused and the choice to stay in that situation was not something I chose to do! I feel that you do know this by stating "I cannot continue to live like this" ...If you have family or friends-it could be possible to consider allowing them in on what is happening and possibly stay with them. Please keep your self safe!

As Desert stated you are not alone and do not have to be alone-

parentrecovers

i'm glad you found us, mama3. my ex was an alcoholic who became more violent as his disease progressed. regardless of the addiction issues, violence is a deal breaker. take care of yourself. are there children involved? if so, take care of them as well.

keep posting! blessings, k

sneakers

Hi mama3 and welcome to the fourm. I understand how you feel, I've been their, pray and keep praying because God can do all that we think or ask.



Your friend

Sneakers, :praying

MsPINKAcres

((mama3))

Welcome to our SR family.

Hate that you have been affected by someone's drinking but glad that you are reaching out for help for YOU.

For me, attending Al-Anon meetings, reading recovery literature, talking with other recovery people f2f (face to face) and on-line, working the 12 steps with my sponsor and developing a relationship with my HP (Higher Power) is helping me learn to live Happy, Joyous and Free regardless of the actions of the alcoholics/addicts in my life.

Some of them are still drinking/using, some are not - but the most important thing is I am different.

Keep coming back and reaching out for help - Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - You deserve them.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

rawr_x

welcome to the site, glad you found it, it will help you a lot