Dad in denial about DB's alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Stat od Denial
Posts: 1
Dad in denial about DB's alcoholism
I don't know where to start. My brothers kids (we're all adults) have mentioned for the past 7 years that my SIL and DB are alcoholics. I could see it in SIL because after her parents dies because of her erratic behavior. I never saw it in my DB. Time passed SIL's behavior became more evened out and my DB still didn't show obvious signs. I chalked it up to grief or a rough patch in their marriage; but my nephews and niece still would tell me on occasion "oh yeah they're alcoholics". My niece would be upset that they'd never admit they need help, because it was private. Sometimes on a holiday my nephew would take my mom aside and say don't give SIL any alcohol, she's been drinking all day". The most evidence I'd see of alcoholism in my DB was when he'd yell at his wife for no reason, and he adores her. We'd all meet at my parents house for Sunday dinner we'd have wine but SIL and DB never had any more than 2 glasses of wine, 3 tops.
Then the bottom dropped out of our life this last week. My DB was brought to the emergency room because his liver and possibly his kidneys are either shutting down or are in major distress at least. I didn't need this, I'd just received news that my grandfather and my Uncle died. On top of grief I had to bare seeing my brother, yellow as a banana, in a diaper with his hospital gown up around his chest in a coma. He's awake now but still seriously drugged. He'll be ill for a while.
Here's the cherry on the ice cream sundae though, the doctors say he's an alcoholic. When I asked family (SIL and kids) what happened, they said yes he's an alcoholic. One of my nephews when into detail telling me that when he'd try to talk to my DB about his problem he'd get mad. If my nephews or niece tried to enlist others to help he'd say "you're ganging up on me". When the doctors in the emergency room asked how much he was drinking a day he said a pint. Of what I don't know. MY SIL suggested vodka. After all this, my Dad says he's not sure my DB is an alcohol. He's tried cases before where chemicals from factory work have caused similar symptoms. My Dad is very logical and super bright but I fear he may be wrong on this one and he may hand my DB a way to avoid recovery. I suppose it's possible but I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I could sure use some input here.
Then the bottom dropped out of our life this last week. My DB was brought to the emergency room because his liver and possibly his kidneys are either shutting down or are in major distress at least. I didn't need this, I'd just received news that my grandfather and my Uncle died. On top of grief I had to bare seeing my brother, yellow as a banana, in a diaper with his hospital gown up around his chest in a coma. He's awake now but still seriously drugged. He'll be ill for a while.
Here's the cherry on the ice cream sundae though, the doctors say he's an alcoholic. When I asked family (SIL and kids) what happened, they said yes he's an alcoholic. One of my nephews when into detail telling me that when he'd try to talk to my DB about his problem he'd get mad. If my nephews or niece tried to enlist others to help he'd say "you're ganging up on me". When the doctors in the emergency room asked how much he was drinking a day he said a pint. Of what I don't know. MY SIL suggested vodka. After all this, my Dad says he's not sure my DB is an alcohol. He's tried cases before where chemicals from factory work have caused similar symptoms. My Dad is very logical and super bright but I fear he may be wrong on this one and he may hand my DB a way to avoid recovery. I suppose it's possible but I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I could sure use some input here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
{hugs} You sure are going to a difficult time. My condolences on your losses.
As for your dad's denial, its not uncommon. But its also not your problem. Nor is your brother's alcoholism. They are adults making their own choices. All you can do is help yourself and deal with your own issues and pain. Its got to be very difficult to watch your brother in such a sad state. But you can't change him. OR your SIL. Or your dad. That is up to them.
As for your dad's denial, its not uncommon. But its also not your problem. Nor is your brother's alcoholism. They are adults making their own choices. All you can do is help yourself and deal with your own issues and pain. Its got to be very difficult to watch your brother in such a sad state. But you can't change him. OR your SIL. Or your dad. That is up to them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Welcome and I am sorry about all your recent loses and worries.
This situation sounds familiar. Our kids tried several times to talk to AH's father and sibs about his drinking and the problems it was causing all of us but FIL told them that WE were probably the cause of his "stress" and drinking...YIKES! Suggested he move out and divorce me (which he did!) Now he thinks there is "some problem" but that he probably just needs therapy for a midlife crisis....... Alcoholism seems to be genetic, and now that I have learned more about it,seems there are several generations (at least) so in some ways, what they see of exAH the few times we get together (all live a few hours away) he "looks" ok.....and better than some I have heard of. Ugh.
Glad you found this place. Save your breath trying to "convince" your dad. If you want to help any of them, I'd say support your nieces and nephews.
This situation sounds familiar. Our kids tried several times to talk to AH's father and sibs about his drinking and the problems it was causing all of us but FIL told them that WE were probably the cause of his "stress" and drinking...YIKES! Suggested he move out and divorce me (which he did!) Now he thinks there is "some problem" but that he probably just needs therapy for a midlife crisis....... Alcoholism seems to be genetic, and now that I have learned more about it,seems there are several generations (at least) so in some ways, what they see of exAH the few times we get together (all live a few hours away) he "looks" ok.....and better than some I have heard of. Ugh.
Glad you found this place. Save your breath trying to "convince" your dad. If you want to help any of them, I'd say support your nieces and nephews.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome to SR, glad you're here!
I would imagine the children know what goes on inside the house.
Have you considered Al-Anon for you; you might also extend support to them; it must be hard to have no one listening.
Take care and keep posting.
I would imagine the children know what goes on inside the house.
Have you considered Al-Anon for you; you might also extend support to them; it must be hard to have no one listening.
Take care and keep posting.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
