bluebird

I'm not sure what's wrong with me..depression I guess... I feel like a balloon that's filled to the point where it might burst and air just keeps getting pumped into it.

I don't know how to deal with life and emotions..and I can't remember the last time I have really dealt with my emotions.

In the past year I have gained 50 lbs b/c I've been overeating (overeating or not eating has been a way of coping since I was little). A year ago I stopped doing the drugs to the extent I was. I did go back a few times..but not like I was.

Even though I've been overeating..now I just don't feel like eating anymore. Part of it is b/c I get sick if I eat carbs/sugar..even a little bit and I don't know why. I go to pass out and get a constant headache (light just makes it worse). I don't have health insurance and I don't have money to find out why.. Which is maybe part of the reason I'm so emotional and depressed b/c I went off my antidepressants a month ago.

I just cry from the drive home from work until I fall asleep. All I want is something to numb the pain. And all I can think about is finding something to numb the pain.. Normally when I'm this bad I wouldn't care if I did drugs, but if I do there's a good chance I'll lose my job. 3 people are going to be picked this week or next to get drug tested and there's only 10 people in the company.. I still can't stop thinking about it though..b/c I really can't take this anymore.

I don't know about things anymore..nothing seems worth it.

PaperDolls

I'm sorry you're struggling right now bluebird. I can relate. It's important for you to continue to see your doctor when you're feeling so down. I know you said you don't have health insurance but is there a local clinic that you could go to? Actually, I know the KCMO area has one available. I don't have the info now but I'll look it up and post it later.

Welcome to SR by the way. I'm glad you're here.

Jerzy007

Welcome bluebird! Thanks for the post. Please reach out for support, people are waiting to help you. Ur in my prayers.

shutterbug

yes....there is most likely a state mental health clinic and possibly a physical health clinic nearby you that is for low income/no insurance.

try visiting www.nami.org and look up support available in your town...and try calling some of the numbers to see if they know of a local state mental health clinic for those without insurance. there are several in my state that will help people like us get meds when we can't afford them...places i didn't know existed until i lost my job and insurance because of the major depressive episode i was going thru.

btw...i gained 100 pounds in a year during my first major depressive episode (which i didn't know that's what it was at the time or that i was bipolar either). if you are in your late teens or early twenties...that is typically the time of onset for people like me.

i also crave carbs/chocolate/sugar when depressed...and i now know i'm not quite boarderline diabetic b/c i can't have very much sugar without it making me very, very sleepy. you could very well have some sugar/insolin issues going on which can also cause depression so that's definetly something to get checked out when you can. have them check your thyroids too...and vitamin/mineral levels. when you can...

hugs,
jenna

PaperDolls

I've got several links for you.

http://maps.google.com/maps?sourceid...e-results&cd=1

Missouri Department of Mental Health Crisis Services
http://www.dmh.missouri.gov/crisis.htm

I don't have numbers for them but here is a list of places in the KC area you could try calling.
• Baptist Medical Center
• Missouri Department of Mental Health
• Research Psychiatric Center
• Comprehensive Mental Health Services, Inc.
• Rediscover Mental Health Services
• Trinity Lutheran Hospital
• Tri-County Mental Health Center
• Johnson County Mental Health
• Cabot Clinic
• St. Luke's Northland
•Truman Medical Center Behavioral Health
• Mental Health Association of the Heartland
•Swope Parkway Health Center
• Families for Mental Health of Johnson County
• Truman Medical Center East
• CommCare
• Western Missouri Mental Health Center
• Mattie Rhodes Counselling & Arts Center
• Guadalupe Center

NAMI-KC HelpLine
http://www.kcnami.org/helpline.htm


Take care of you!

bluebird

Thanks for your replies and thoughts. I'm doing a bit better today. I'm not quite sure what to say, but ty for your replies.

I'll look up some of the places you posted paperdolls..thanks.

Katie