bluebird

I'm not sure what's wrong with me..depression I guess... I feel like a balloon that's filled to the point where it might burst and air just keeps getting pumped into it.

I don't know how to deal with life and emotions..and I can't remember the last time I have really dealt with my emotions.

In the past year I have gained 50 lbs b/c I've been overeating (overeating or not eating has been a way of coping since I was little). A year ago I stopped doing the drugs to the extent I was. I did go back a few times..but not like I was.

Even though I've been overeating..now I just don't feel like eating anymore. Part of it is b/c I get sick if I eat carbs/sugar..even a little bit and I don't know why. I go to pass out and get a constant headache (light just makes it worse). I don't have health insurance and I don't have money to find out why.. Which is maybe part of the reason I'm so emotional and depressed b/c I went off my antidepressants a month ago.

I just cry from the drive home from work until I fall asleep. All I want is something to numb the pain. And all I can think about is finding something to numb the pain.. Normally when I'm this bad I wouldn't care if I did drugs, but if I do there's a good chance I'll lose my job. 3 people are going to be picked this week or next to get drug tested and there's only 10 people in the company.. I still can't stop thinking about it though..b/c I really can't take this anymore.

I don't know about things anymore..nothing seems worth it.