BigSis

When I got here I was terrified. I was obsessed with my daughter's addiction to meth and certain she would die. The only thing I was NOT sure of was when. I also believed that if I searched long enough and hard enough and if I were determined enough, I could save her from addiction. Indeed, as her loving mom... saving her was part of my job description.

I found this site and learned some things about addiction in general and meth addiction in particular. I started attending face to face Alanon meetings, and those supplemented my time here at SR.

I posted every day. I went to meetings every week. Little by little, as I learned about addiction, I began to realize several things. The first realization that I had was that I would no longer tell anyone that I was going to save my daughter. I'd had just enough Alanon and read just enough here at SR that I knew the idea would be shot down. But I am tenacious and manipulative... I stopped talking about it, but I never once stopped thinking it.

There are a few here who probably saw right through me. But they never let on and I kept coming here... reading, posting, noticing the newcomers.

Sometimes, in my face to face meetings, we have a newcomer and then we have a First Step meeting... about how we got to Alanon. This post is how I got here to SR.

I still post every day... though not at the level I used to post. I still read my Alanon literature, attend at least one face to face meeting a week, call my sponsor, and participate in one or more step or tradition studies in real life.

But I never want to forget how terrified I was when I first arrived, how welcoming you all were, how much I had to learn, and how long it took me.

Some days, I'm a newcomer all over again.

Hope

Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing, BigSis!

miss communicat

Thanks BigSis

When I first got here to SR, I was isolated from AA, after having stopped meetings for a long time. I needed the information and diverse experiences, strength and hope that you all have to share, while being able to access it 24 hrs a day.

Now I get to my AA meetings on a regular basis, but checking into SR as frequently as possible to share is a cornerstone of my program.

I could not have done it without SR and AA.

parentrecovers

i was the deer in the headlights when i came here. i wanted you all to tell me and tell me FAST - how do i FIX my addicted daughter?!?! then, with the help of alanon and the folks here - i figured out that all i could do was start fixing MYSELF, one day at a time. so thank you! blessings, k

BigSis

I think one of the big surprises, for me, was how much I have in common with others in recovery... in many programs.

My obsession lead me to do things I would never do.
I often experienced shame and guilt
I wasn't doing anything so different from others, why was I in pain?
My work suffered.
My friendships dwindled.
My marriage suffered.
I could not concentrate.
I found myself participating in other addictive activities to numb my pain (i.e., gambling, overeating, pills)

When I first considered attending meetings, I thought -

It's not like I have real problem, here
But those people are not like me!
They won't understand
They don't have it as bad
They are better than me because they've already figured stuff out.
I don't have time for this.
I don't want to spend any money on this.
This is a temporary solution.
I will go to shut up [fill in the blank], then do what I want
If I don't feel better after one meeting... ferget it!


Once I had been in program for a while, I realized -

Only one step even talks at all about substances (step 1)
Most of the program is focused on ME, not my "problem"
I share many, many, MANY traits with others in program
Much of what made me unique I see existing in others around me.
Traits I don't (yet) see in me, I can see easily exist in multiple members around the table.
My life got better.
It didn't cost anything.
I have MORE time and more quality time since I started program.



And if you didn't know it was Alanon that I was started in, could you tell by these lists? I think we can use similar programs because the condition has so many similarities.

Obsession, compulsion, and denial

And the solution shares so many similarities....

Honesty, openness, willingness



My path is only just beginning. My goal is to live a joyous life. I guess I won't know if I've reached my goal until it's all said and done. But this sure feels like a great start.


Anyone else care to share?