Miss W4

and my husband was pissed at me, I was in bed with my 2 yr. old and have no memory of how I got there or how he did. I'm scared ********. I am a binge drinker. Last night I drank 1 1/2 bottles of red wine and don't remember bathing my son or talking to my husband when he got home from work.

I have to quit drinking, I have to quit drinking....

I am here to help myself accomplish the above. I have considered it before but what would I do at 5:00 and for the rest of the evening if I didn't drink? Anyone out there know what I mean?

p.s. I feel like poo.

janied

Yes, many of us know what you mean. I just "keep busy" and when I need to I "rest." I read books and magazines, read and post on SR, watch funny TV shows and movies and hang out with my family - husband and two sons. My husband and I don't have the best relationship but hopefully it will get better since I've quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, and taking benzos. He sees the change and what a difference it makes. Hopefully we'll be able to work it out, but he has problems too (not alcohol or drug-related but problems nonetheless).

I just quit 15 days ago and I've been feeling pretty lousy physically, but gradually I'm feeling stronger. Mentally and emotionally I feel much better and know that I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

When I feel stronger I plan to attend Celebrate Recovery at a nearby church, which is a Christian 12-step group. Many people on SR attend AA meetings. Others can fill you in on that. I might when I start feeling stronger. In my first 15 days of sobriety, I've basically done the minimum and tried to take care of myself, my business (I'm self-employed) and my family. Have to take care of myself and my business to take care of my family.

Anyway, keep reading and posting on SR! You can do it!

Jane

Miss W4

Thanks Jane you have no idea how much it means to me to know there is someone out there who knows how I feel today.

Pinkcuda

What do you do at 5:00? The same thing you normally do except for the drinking part. Sounds easy doesn't it?
Here's what I did. I walked around the house totally lost. I went to the garage and looked around. Then I went into the kitchen and paced back and fourth. Then I went to the living room and watched TV for about 2 minutes and turned it off. Then I went to the basement and looked at the ceiling. I then went to the bedroom and picked up a book and read about a sentence and a half before puting it down. I then went to the backyard and looked at the grass. Did I mention "totally lost"? I repeated this process for about 3-4 weeks. I went to meetings that were a big help but only lasted an hour. other than that I was pacing the house. I spent a lot of time sitting on my hands. This was just plain tough. No two ways about it.
What took raw courage and determination is now second nature. It is worth the sacrifice.
I'd try some AA meetings if I was you. Try several as they are all different. Tell the same story that you told us. You will meet more people that understand what you're going through.

rloomer

exersize works too. Although I don't much care for replacing my alcohol with anything, I just try not too look at it like that's what I'm doing.

More like I need to strengthen up certain ares of my body and define others.
I never drank after I worked out, that's why it is working for me. That and AA meetings everyday helps also.

Oh yeah. It does feel a lot like poo

Just find what you can do that you wouldn't even "normally" ( find that definition) drink after you do. I'm feeling better physically and starting to feel a lot better mentally as well.

Good luck and God bless

CarolD

Welcome....

I suggest you read this link ...Blackouts are discussed on #35
but do read all of the thread please

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I am so glad you did not injure yourself or your child
that drunk time could have been deadly.

Keep posting...

Anna

Hi Miss,

Blackouts are horribly scary. I was like you and couldn't imagine getting through an evening without alcohol, just couldn't imagine it. When I finally did stop, there were lots of things to do. I got back to reading and listening to music and going for long walks. You'll be surprised how much joy there is in life.

janied

Hi Miss,

How are you doing this evening?

Took my youngest son to a cub scout meeting and we grabbed food on the way home. Now he's finishing math homework and I'm reading and posting here at SR. I plan to take a very hot bath and soak soon.

It's been a really good sober evening and I'm very happy to have my life back.

Hope your evening has gone well!

Jane

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Yup, feeling like poo pretty much covers it. I hope that you are doing better today, but give yourself some time, the poo feeling will prob last more than a few days.

You might consider checking in with your doctor, as detoxing alone can be dangerous.

I know what you mean bout what you will do with yourself now instead of drinking. I took ALOT of baths. ALOT. That was my stress relief. Still is, though the quantity has gone down..while I was in the bath, I read the Big Book. (AA's basic text).

dopelesshope

You sound like me and my desire to exercise, I will start working out more when I have more energy
when its the working out I need to do that will give me more energy.
What I am trying to say, go to a meeting. When you are at your worst is when you need to drag yourself out and go to one. I would never of stayed clean one day at a time for almost a decade, if it wasnt for meetings.

If we put 1/10 of the energy into staying clean, as we did into using and finding ways to use, we will have a successful recovery. It always makes me laugh at myself when I think about the lengths I would go to use, and how unwilling I become at times when it comes to staying clean and sober. Jobs, wife, kids...that never stopped me from getting wasted but now they stop me from being active in recovery.
Go figure

Miss W4

My evening went pretty well actually. I went to bed early and got a solid 8 1/2 hrs. of much needed rest. I feel so great this a.m. without having been drunk last night. I really hope today will go well too. I am starting to look forward to battling this disease. If I can focus on breaking the hold red wine has on me by concentrating my efforts elsewhere, I may just make it.

I am going to my first AA meeting today. Wish me luck on beginning (and ending) sober day #2.

GlassPrisoner

That's how I was able to quit eventually, after approximately 3,638,132 tries doing it "my way".

Hang in there. It gets better.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, miss w - let us know how the meeting was. blessings, k

el ka bong

Congrats on your decision to quit. I started yesterday too. My day #2 has been busy. Hiking, cutting grass and playing a lot of guitar. (amazing how much easier it is to play when my motor-skills aren't impaired).Hang in there!