wpgwoman

My A is not actively drinking that I know of right now. But as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't make much difference. It seems that I don't really give a s*** one way or another anymore.

It's been hell living with him though. I don't want him here, he doesn't want to leave. Lately though, he has been looking like crap. Won't eat, wanders around the house moaning and groaning, holding his head, holding his stomach and so on..........

Gets up from the sofa just to stagger back and forth like he is about to fall over. Part of me just feels this is one big show for my benefit. He has rashes that are covering most of his body. That part I can obviously see is real. Do you think I can get him to see a doctor. He has issues about them. Of course they don't know what they are talking about, he knows more than they do, yada, yada, yada.

Tonight he barely ate any of his dinner, and I asked him if there was something wrong with it. He looked me square in the face and told me that it tasted funny, and for all he knew I was trying to poison him. Let me tell you I was floored. You gotta be kidding me, I said. There you go, you're being defensive, that's and admission of guilt if I ever heard one. I offered to drive him to the emergency room so they can do some blood work on him to see what my choice of poison was, but he got pissy and left the room.

Please tell me that someone else out there has experienced something like this, because I feel like I'm living in a real bad movie. I looked at him and wondered who the heck he was. He was a complete stranger to me.

ARealLady

My A is not actively drinking that I know of right now.

Key words being "That I know of". I witnessed XABF behaving the same way last time I saw him and I didn't realize how active his drinking was until I saw all the empties in my recycling box! Basically, little or no appetite (he actually spat out food I had prepared for us and told me it was "off" and he left a lot of food on his plate which is something I had NEVER seen him do.), slouching around on the sofa, walking around bent over, shutting himself in the bathroom to attend to his needs (sorry if that is too graphic but he wasn't just peeing in there and I could hear the noises!) and getting up many times in the night so not sleeping normally.

And yeah, it was "hell living with him".

I have read that there can be dermatological problems for long-term As and have seen the problem mentioned on the Alcoholism board too.

That last visit from XABF was the beginning of my end to the relationship.

ARL

hbb

I know what you mean....mine was more miserable sober than drunk. I don't like to use this term but mine is a "dry drunk". Not drinking, but still going through the motions, same friends, places, and stinkin thinkin. He wanted to be in bed early every night and just pretty much moped around and couldn't get out of his own way.

Mr. Christian

You know just cause you take the drink out of the person, it does not mean you change who they really are.

There are many underlining issues to these people.

wpgwoman

You've pretty much described who he is and what he does. There's no denying that he is not serious about committing to any lifestyle changes. That much is crystal clear to me. I'm kind of getting sick and tired of the medical drama. After giving some thought to his accusation of "poisoning him" I got really pissed. As calmly as I could, I asked him why he would want to live in this home with a woman that he suspects of trying to kill him. He didn't even acknowledge my question, just started spewing some crap about being sick to his stomach and how his gut is probably full of cancer.

I have to admit that recently I am having thoughts that he is not quite right. Like he has some kind of psychological disorder. Severe mood swings, unexplained rage, bad temperament in general.

hbb

Oh i hear you! Mine refused to go to the dr. for check ups after he collapsed at work last summer, stubborn as anything, doesn't eat hardly at all. Very unhealthy as a whole and not an ounce of ambition or drive. Heck, mine still hangs out at bars drinking O'douls. Supposedly still sober since Christmas and going to AA but definately not working the program. Getting by is what i call it, but hardly getting by but he's no longer my headache! But i feel your pain

wpgwoman

_
Thanks for reminding me of a conversation I had recently with my mother. I had mentioned that maybe this is who he really is. Since I have only known the addict, there is no way to know for sure who this man really is without his booze and drugs. Have to admit, there is not a whole lot that I like about him since he's tried to stop indulging over this past year.
Frightening thought actually. IMO, he's more of an a** now. Go figure.

hbb

You just completely summarized my last year with my exabf to a T! Every single thing in that paragraph was my life. And i couldn't stand the person he was! Only knew him drunk in the beginning and mine is a huge a$$ now!!! Here i'm thinking i have this unique life/Abf till i found SR!!!!

Afraid2Succeed

He has symptoms that could be cause of great concern.

Let me preface my statement that I am not a medical doctor.

However: alcohol liver disease, or cirrhosis, can reduce appetite and create rashes. Alcohol consumption is empty calories, and can reduce appetite greatly.

If he has really quit drinking, I would feed him lots of complex carbs, and a high protein diet (to reduce protein breakdown) while supplementing with B1 vitamins and folic acid.

But my best recommendation is to go to a doctor. Alcohol liver disease can be fatal.

wpgwoman

Hey hbb,

Be thankful that you are free of him. I keep hoping that one day I'll be lucky enough to give him the label of EXABF and stay sane in the process.

Afraid2Succeed

more scary stuff to think about:
"Decreased intake, increased urinary excretion, and poor absorption of zinc, factors common in alcoholics, account for hypozincemia. Potential clinical complications of zinc deficiency in the chronic alcoholic include crusting skin lesions, hypogonadism, impaired night vision, anorexia, depressed immune function, altered mental status, impaired protein metabolism and wound healing, diarrhea, depressed mental function, and, possibly, birth defects as related to the fetal alcohol syndrome. Zinc supplementation reportedly can improve night vision, immune function, and taste sensation in alcoholics."

-Effects of alcohol on electrolytes and minerals
Alcohol Health & Research World, Summer, 1989 by Luis Marsano, Craig J. McClain

hbb

Oh trust me, i was very insane, this only happened a couple of months ago and i'm still recovering it's tough and i certainly don't wish him ill, i hope he does find happiness in life. I did everything i could and like you said, this may be who he is and he's definately NOT for me! Fortunately we were not married.

But if your's has symptoms of heath issues, he should definately get that checked out sooner than later and not mess around with that.

embraced2000

i'm going to be the unpopular voice here, but maybe he is really sick.

he could be drinking....can you smell it? when did he quit drinking, if he did? he could be going through detox, which can be very serious.

if he is this sick, he needs to go to doc. if he won't go, call 911 next time he acts like he's impaired like that.

just because he is an alcoholic does not mean he couldn't be ill. he may be acting like this because he is just a dry drunk, or he could be ill.

my bet is that he is still drinking, but i wouldn't jump to conclusions.....he may be need help with detoxing, or he could be sick.

wpgwoman

I agree wholeheartedly, but it is a battle that I have fought for years. There is just no more fight left. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. That pretty much sums it up.

hbb

I too agree with Embraced, he could be very sick with what he's experiencing. He should probably get that checked out.

Barbara52

If he won't willingly go to a doc, do call 911 when it seems appropriate. He can refuse treatment or transportation to the hospital but at least you will be able to say you did everything you could.

embraced2000

......and you can always tell the ambulance drivers that he has been confused and disoriented, which is true.

wpgwoman

I have no doubt that there is something going on. I have a great nose for booze after all these years. Could always smell his favorite beer from a mile away. He's one of those drinkers that after a few too many, it seeps out of his pores for the next 12 hours. Haven't smelled a thing in almost a year. Trust me, I look for it (yes professional codie)

The only thing I can think of is that he gave up his beloved beer for a new poison.

embraced2000

so he has been not drinking for nearly a year? has he behaved this way the whole time?

do you think he is doing drugs?

he sounds sick, especially since you say his appearance has changed so much.

wpgwoman

I know that there were a half dozen occasions that he went away to his parents and binged like there was no tomorrow. Heavy pot use has always been another demon.
Supposedly he gave that up too. I don't believe him though.

I am concerned about him finding a new addiction. I think cocaine may be possible. I have recently found out that his credit card that was not to be used this past year(all debt was consolidated, 0 balance on VISA) has a $4000 balance. All of them cash advances. Where did that money go????? This family did not see a cent of it.

As for his health, he has always been overly dramatic medically. Usually to get out of helping out with something. He has gotten much worse though. Only now there are visually obvious physical signs.