hbb

YIKES.....i hope i didn't do too bad but tonight i was taking my parrot to be clipped and across the street was my exabf's brother that yelled to me. I haven't seen him in months. So we start talking and he told me how X's truck was repo'd due to ignoring insurance payments (typical behavior) and he was telling me how pissed he was at him. Anyways here's where i couldn't help myself...ICK!!! I asked the dreaded question, was he back with his exgf (as he went away with her while we were together) but it's been KILLING ME TO KNOW....i am aware i shouldn't care but i do and i'd be lying if i said i didn't. So then we talked a bit about what happened and his brother was vague (no surprise) and i just voiced my opinion on the whole thing and said THE WORST LINE EVERRRRRRR, "i thought i would have heard from him by now, but i was referring to the loan we had as to what his plans were for the future of it but i'm sure that's not what his brother heard, cause he said i'll let him know you asked about the loan and i was horrified. I truly wasn't saying it about hearing from him in general because i don't want to.

Then, i told him to tell his parents i said hello and kiss his kids for me Then I crumbled and the tears came......GOSH i didn't want to cry!!!!!

I chalk it up to i was being myself and being honest and curiosity kinda got me I'm a little disappointed in myself for caring and asking about HIM.....But it is what it is and i can't take it back. I was trying to be SO careful but got no answers in return which i didn't really expect.

I wasn't too bad was I, i've never done drive by's or called him or tried to run into him or chased him in any way. Maybe it's not as bad and i'm being hard on myself....darn it!!! Should have kept my trap shut but did kinda feel good to also get out that i didn't deserve what had happened. OH well coulda been worse i guess!!! And it doesn't make me feel any different, which is shocking and a good thing.

MsGolightly

you're right, it could have been way worse!

remember mair's thread the other day? we all slip and have to pick ourselves up again... it's something that a lot of people probably never perfect. i can understand being curious, but try not to let yourself think about him anymore or what happened today. just move on and forward, and if he contacts you, stick with the no contact if that's what's worked for you.

i guess the big point is not to let him control or effect your life. it should be only you that determines how your day goes or who you talk to or how much power you give them. you couldn't help seeing his brother, and things might not have come out perfectly or the way you would have planned them, but they did happen and you can't go back and change it now! but boy, i wish i could rewind and erase lots of things!

keep your chin up and don't forget about all of the progress you've made lately! compare it to how you would have reacted or handled the situation a few months ago... and that's your answer!

ICU

Hey hbb, you're human just like the rest of us. :-)

Sometimes when we're caught 'off guard' by running into someone unexpectedly, we just react! When that happens to me, I try to prepare myself for the next time I run into someone by accident. I plan out what I 'will say', and, what I 'won't say'! And if the unplanned meeting is tempting me to say more than I intend, I end the communication rather abruptly and walk away. "Gotta go...I'm running late, take care" kind of thing.

Brush yourself off and continue down your path.

embraced2000

well, hbb, here's the good news.....imo, i think it is impossible to reach serenity without all these speed bumps along the way. sometimes we call them speed bumps....they are great teaching tools.

it's ok, hun......we're supposed to learn along the way. icu had a wonderful suggestion about making a plan for the next time you are caught off guard.....about what to say and what not to say....which i found the "what not to say" part of it the biggest challenge.....

jeri

Rella927

Ditto I agree with the "plan" ...

Try not to be so hard on yourself! I have been in recovery for 10 years because of my abuse as a child and guess what?! I still have relapes! Not so much anymore but, it happens! Cleaning and re-programming ourselves is difficult work! It is when we APPLY what we learn and keep doing that, we become more aware when a relapse is about to begin! And BAM Stop it!

Hang in there and take this as a lesson...grow from it and next time follow the "plan"

hbb

I guess the good news is that i wasn't groveling for him in anyway or saying i wanted him back in anyway. He is mass destruction IMO! He has a lot of work to do for himself, as do I. Today is a brighter day for me, he went by me this morning and i must say i was looking my best which was nice kinda in your face feeling for me!! I think i'm actually starting to move in the right direction, or at least today!!!

parentrecovers

one day at a time, hbb! hugs, k

Afraid2Succeed

wow you're human hbb! STOP THE PRESS!

kidding aside, I thought you did fine.

hbb

Thanks, it's probably not a big deal but i wanted to get it off my chest and you know the deal with friends and family that don't want to hear it and i knew you guys would still love me lol!!! Ya i don't feel any better or worse, not a big deal and i only got choked up when i was asking about his parents and kids THAT I LOVE to death

hbb

LOL Anvil, fresh!!! ......btw red!!

hbb

Anvil you wear a thong too!!! I knew it!!!!

Rella927

I have a black thong on with flowers

You guys are too funny!

hbb

Hey Anvil don't knock it till you try it!! LOL I needed to laugh!! Nice Rella, sound pretty lol!!

cdk1972

You know what heath? Remember this: SOmetimes what we perceive to have happened isn't what really happened after all-hopefully his brother really didn't even think anything of it...He may not have (sometimes guys don't analyze like girls do...) he may have even have forgotten about it. So don't stress. You're awesome. And its HIS loss.

Afraid2Succeed

yeah men are simpletons...

lol jk

hbb

Ok newsflash, i just got back from the bank and was STRONGLY advised to close our joint checking that the loan comes out of each month and open up one just in MY name for him to deposit, which i totally agree. My problem is i have to contact him with the new account number. I was going to text it to him as the other one will be closed and give him the new one. Mailing it isn't an option as he rarely gets his mail because he uses his parents address. But i don't want to open communication with him and it kills me to contact him period. But i have to be adult and do the right thing because who knows if he's going to screw me further within 4 years of the loan.

Barbara52

If you want him to make payments, you have to engage in this bit of communication. Don't make more of it than it is though. Send him the info he needs to have and leave it at that. And if he doesn't make the payments, take him to small claims court (assuming the amount is within the limits for doing that). You don't need a lawyer even to do that.

cdk1972

Side NOTE
I knew someone would take that comment about men wrong...honestly, i just meant that women tend to onver analyze stuff when it's less of a deal than it should be...or at least i get told I do all the time...by my men friends...they always say, "you're thinking too much into it"...so honestly, i apologize if that was offensive, i didn't mean it that way, i promise.
But sometimes? you kind of are simpletons....JKJKJK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hbb

Good advice.....Anvil to answer about the account, it's strictly for that payment from him, i have my own checking account and savings with nothing to do with him. I may open it as a savings though then no chance for checks. This system has been working perfect every month and i don't really want him to pay me direct as it's his money to pay back and once he defaults at the bank i have recourse!!

Barbara ~ thank you, i will just send a simple text with the number and i did have him sign a promisory note as it's a large amount of money we are talking unfortunately more than small claims.

hbb

No, i agree with you i even said probably in one ear and out the other with his brother! I didn't say anything bad anyways. No big deal, casual conversation and mostly about him anyways!