rloomer

well this is the second day of being on this website and oddly enough I've managed to stay sober for two days in a row. coincidence? well not sure. All I know is that being here letting things off my chest really helps. I managed to make it to a meeting on my way to work and it felt weird but I stuck it out.

I'm a little nervous today in that, I just got paid and it's Friday. Bad combo.

I'm not too sure if it'll work but I'm just going to leave my money at work and just bring enought money to eat tonight. I hope someone has a few more ideas for me.

Astro

You're off to a good start, this is a one day at a time deal. Glad to hear you made that meeting, and I hope you'll continue. I'm just over 2 1/2 years sober and still try to make at least one meeting every day. For me they're a lifeline.

There are plenty of Fridays when I've got a pocketful of money. But the difference is that I know I won't die if I don't take another drink. If I choose to pick up, all bets are off. I can't drink again safely. Ever.

Aysha

Great job on 2 days...doesnt seem like alot but it is huge.
I dont know what your DOC is but I know money in my hand means trouble.
My #1 trigger. Good idea on leaving your money at work.
I have a family memeber go with me to get mine and go strait to get my bills paid and then any big amounts left over I hand over to someone I know wont let me have it. Someone who knows the difference between me needing it for real or wanting it to get high.
If you dont have anyone...Leave it at work like you said Great idea and good thinkng on your part.
Glad you are here.....
There are many more day to be added.

rloomer

I still can't help but feel like a failure. Like I might be less of a man if I confront the people who keep trying to help me and I keep letting them down.

Truth is I'm letting myself down when I drink and use drugs.

It hurts beyond belief when I sit here and think about all the people who trusted me and had faith in me. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it, but how can I not?
I've broken trusts and hurt the people that I would die protecting. That sounds funny saying it.

There are things and people in this world that I would kill or die for and never in a million years let anything take away from me, and yet I destroy those things myself. Yeah, how can I not beat myself up? I feel like I deserve it.

Astro

By embracing the 12 Steps as a program of recovery I became free of my guilt and wreckage. Just something you might want to consider.

sun shine kid

[QUOTE=rloomer;1484768]I still can't help but feel like a failure. Like I might be less of a man if I confront the people who keep trying to help me and I keep letting them down.

Truth is I'm letting myself down when I drink and use drugs.
QUOTE]

Thruth is when we are acttive in addiction that is what we do!!!!!

Asking for help in recovery is hard, but we go to any lenght if we are serious about sorbrity.

peace & love to all.

CarolD

Ron...
I sure hope you locked up the wallet!

Go back to the meeting....share your guilt and let
others help you. We in recovery
have all gone thru it so we do understand.

I let go of my remorse when I did Steps 4&5.

Be gentle with yourself ...you too can recover.

Aysha

I totally feel you there.
I would KILL someone for even looking at my grams wrong. Not really but you get the idea. I live for her. I would die for her. She is my world. But also the one I hurt the most.
I have heard this saying alot in the past. but for some reason the last time I heard it. It really affected me and has stuck in my mind and is constantly grilling my thoughts lately..
"Think about what you went through to get high. The effort you put in. Now what are you willing to do to get clean?"
Doesnt sound like much but I think about that everyday.
It is what keeps me going anymore.
If you have people that are willing to support you and help you in recovery...Be thankful and utilise that.
I use to think I was weak too ..But it's weak if you think you can do it by yourself.

Rusty Zipper

ron, for me... chiy said it well...

if we put in a fraction of the effort we did out there, recovery is cake!

its all about action... not intentions...

let your actions be your guide to right the wrongs...

also, willingness to change what needs to be changed...

that takes time...

good wishes my friend...

xxoo, rz

Missymae737

Hi,

Those people whom love you will, begin to heal with each passing sober day you have...

Try not to be so hard on yourself...

bugsworth

[It hurts beyond belief when I sit here and think about all the people who trusted me and had faith in me. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it, but how can I not?
I've broken trusts and hurt the people that I would die protecting.

I agree you should not beat yourself up about it! A wise woman told me not to forget the past, just shut the door on it. You will need to open that door every so often, to remember where alcohol took you and how it made you feel.

I too am filled with regret and often wonder can I ever make things right? Maybe not BUT I will not add any more fuel to the fire! I know for me I took a very long walk down the alcohol path....I just need to turn around and walk back, every so often glancing over my shoulder to see how far I have made it.

Focus first on not drinking, everything else will fall into place. Keep up the good work!