odaat

Just back from my second meeting, a step meeting focusing on step nine. It was really busy and I felt a bit on the outside at the end as no one approached me.

I feel really tearful and emotional. After my first meeting (a really small and casual meeting) I felt elated.

I'm 9 months sober, so what have I suddenly turned back into a blubbering wreck?

WLDKATZ

It happens to the best of us, the only suggestion I have is approach somone...Do you have a sponcer yet? Possiably go to your next meeting with a friend.....I know I live for my hugs at the end of each of my meetings.......It makes me feel as if I am not alone in my fight.....But the tears what are they for, because you "felt" the step or feeling sorry for yourself, I tend to analize my emotions, sort of validate why they are there....ie.... pity party ( I am really good at those sometimes), hurting, angry with self, angry with someone who is making me feel and see the truth ect..... The biggest step was going to the meeting and make sure you go back.....and comming back here congrads on meeting # 2!!!!!

odaat

I've not got a sponsor or anyone who can go with me to a meeting. Its scary walking in to one alone. Trying another one on Sunday, hopefully that will be a positive experience. I think the meeting was just too busy - too much too soon. I've hardly left the house or had any human contact in the past 2 years.

WLDKATZ

know that feeling well and most of the english meetings made me jumpy as hell........lol I used to live in South-End -On-Sea.........Maybe the ones that are chruch affliated, those are sometimes smaller, and you may be right, but I always suggest a therapist is the first step especially when you have been hid away from society for so long.....That is what I had to do....my shrink actually went and took me to one of his meetings......It was great....just keep on going!!!! And comming back here!

odaat

Thanks WldKatz. I've finally got an assessment with the Community Mental Health Team next week, so hopefully I'll be able to get some treatment to make things a bit easier.

SaTiT

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Okay at the very least did you get sometype of message of not
to make amends until you worked all the previouse steps.
Yeap too much too soon to be looking at step#9.

A book study can be shocking to new comers, especailly if you
walked in in the middle of something. Generally it's 1 step
in a couple of meetings. Maybe you can try attend this meeting
again in a month, so it'll be back on step #1 again.

it's like the for me...I don't get too much attention
lol
I generally sit in my own little conner in the back and just
listen most of the times anyways. they always ask me,
if i want to share at the end of a meeting.lol

i just hang out 5 -10 mins after a meeting , eventaully someone
will approch me.

i just kept going back no matter what.

Most of the people knows me now.

yeah..try to go outside at least once a day...
I've been there..first i touched the door knob.
Then it took me a couple more days to actaully go outside.
I went outside for 15.sec then jump back it the house.lol
Then i eventaully walked around the block...
pretty wierd at first...it seems like all eyes are watching you
and judging you..even sunlight felt like it was cutting my skin.
I become overly too sensitive to everything.

But the more I went outside and just show up at meetings
the better i got.

Jersey Nonny

Since this is a Step Meeting, and they were working on Step Nine, they probably do a step a month; i.e. Step Nine, September (9th month). Which perhaps means they'll be back to Step One in January. Good way to do it; but, I agree that starting out at Step Nine so early in your recovery could be overwhelming. Easy does it.

The more meetings you attend, the more people you'll see, the more who will recognize you...it gets easier.

bval

Early on in your AA career, I would recommend finding meetings with a speaker ... rather then going to step meetings. In my experience, those are more like study groups of longer-sober members. I generally find them less inspirational as a rule.

Or find newcomers meetings, those are good too, obviously.

You might also try some NA meetings if you have them in your area. Doesn't matter what your addiction, both AA and NA have something to offer all addicts/alcoholics. You'll never be made to feel unwelcome in either group, I assure you.

You may also want to make sure you always raise your hand when the secretary asks about there being any newcomers in the room. I find that sometimes entire meetings full of people will go out of their way to be welcoming to any newcomers, and that includes what they decide to share...

It takes a while to get to know people, but one of the best ways is to raise your hand and tell the group you're looking for a sponsor ...

Keep coming back ... it DOES work if you work it

hmedme

Try several meetings in your area. They are different from place to place. Different kinds of people and problems. Eventually you will find one that is right for you, then ask the people what other meetings they go to. You will see familiar faces at those meetings and feel right at home...

stone

Hi Odie!
Keep trying different meetings and let people know you are new would be my advice.

Does it mention open and closed meetings on your list?

barb dwyer

I'm just glad to hear you're sticking with it, odaat !!!!

just grab a hankie and head 'em up and move 'em out.

odaat

There are a couple more meetings in my area that I'm going to try.

I have a feeling I'll be sticking with my first group - it was very small and informal, and I was really made to feel welcome. I liked the fact that there was no pressure there - everyone was following thier own path and was very tolerant.

I'm nervous about the other meetings now. I wish they were easier to find. I don't know where these places are, and the door is always shut and I have to walk in to a room that is full of people who all stop talking and turn and look at me. Thats just too much. I wish they had someone who greets you, that'd make it so much easier.

Some of the meetings are open, and some are closed. Would that make a difference? I thought I was allowed to go to any meeting?

There isn't any NA or OA in my area. I'd love to go to OA as I'd be able to talk about my other problem there, but there isn't one near by. Its hard when everyone tries to make you have a drink to calm down, when that'd only make things worse. I just say 'no thank you, I've got water' and they offer tea, coffee, milk, orange juice etc.

There aren't any newcomer meetings round here. I don't think I'd manage to introduce myself to anyone, or ask for a sponsor. I can just about give one word answers when someone asks me a direct question. I don't think I'll be able to have a sponsor for a long time.

Hopefully some guys from the first meeting will be at the Sunday meeting. I just hate walking in alone, knowing where to sit and stuff. I know its not the same, but at Weightwatchers meetings, they have a big Welcome Newcomers sign and someone sat there who you can approach. That always helped.

barb dwyer

odaat -

remember, that just means that the topic and shares are limited to alcohol only (closed) or that addicts and others can attend (open).

when everyone turns around to look at you, just say 'hi'. I don't know about GB, but that works fairly well in USA.

I'm so proud of ya for sticking with it!!!

odaat

I try to talk to people, but I end up crying instead. Great way to make a first impression!

stone

If you get there early then you can be one of the group of people who looks at people coming in!


Keep at it Odie, its hard at first but it just takes a bit of getting used to.

odaat

What sort of time is it best to get there?

hmedme

I don't know about time, but....

Remember, everyone there was a newbie at some time!

Just stand up tall, shake hands with people near to you, and relax.

I know, easier said than done. I have social anxiety issues myself.

stone

I like to get there 10 -15 mins early, that way I can maybe chat to a couple of people first.
Let them know you are new! They should make more of an effort then to be welcoming.

It is a slow process but soon you will feel totally comfortable believe me!

odaat

Thanks guys. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. I was in an AA chat room trying to decide if meetings were for me, and everyone was talking about thier first meetings - everyone talking to them, getting lots of phone numbers and literature and stuff.

I just find it so hard to talk to people.

stone

You have to let people know you are new hun!