I need rehab...
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I need rehab...
Hey thanks for your positive words and sharing your thoughts with me..
I've decided I'm not as lucky as some people and don't have the options available to me either.
I took a long look at my ex who has been clean for over 30 days now. I believe he looks, thinks, and acts, better than he has since I've known him. (10 yrs.) He and I had a discussion today and I as well as he knows that without inpatient rehab he would still be using. And yes, the agreement he made with his family was that he would not seek help if they weren't willing to help me get it as well.
Obviousely, since his family doesn't like me they just agreed to appease him this way he would get the help he needed. I as well as my ex agreed that even though his family has the means to help me they aren't going too.
I've decided that the only way I'm going to get better and feel as good, look as good, think as good etc.. as my ex seems to is if I were to follow his steps and go to rehab. I can't quit doing meth on my own as I was trying to make myself believe.
See, when I don't do the drug all I do is cry and feel confused and am just an emotional mess. You see, when I do meth I don't feel this way.
I've been out on my own since I was 14 and am now 28 and do have a lot of emotional baggage and hurt built up inside of me that I've never dealt with and when I'm not using I have to deal with these things and the emotions that come with them because my mind and heart won't not let me. Well, I don't have the tools or support to deal with them alone and do know that inorder to get better I must beable to work through my hurt.
I don't have anything really physically wrong with me; at least not that I know of but I do know that I can't be trusted to do an outpatient program and not use. At least inpatient rehab their would be people who are going through similar situations or just similar problems as I.
God knows I don't want to jeopardize loosing my children because of seeking help for my problem by going through the state for financial assistance to pay for my rehab. Beings I'm a drug addict and have children I know CPS will step in to investigate the welfare of my girls. Well, I'm a good mother and could be an excellent mother as well as person if I quit using drugs. I'm not afraid of them talking to my kids or coming to my home to see how my girls and I live but do know it is considered child abuse for being under the influence or using of drugs when your children are near. I have never let the kids see or be in the same room as I when I do use; NEVER..
But if any state agency takes my kids from me because Of me asking for help to get better and not be a user of drugs which ultimately is to ensure a better future for my girls and I then that agency would be responsible for causing more emotional abuse and harm to my kids than I ever have. I say this because I'm all my girls really have beings I don't have family and I'm all my girls really know. And by taking them from me would harm them for the rest of their lives.
I speak from experience because I'm a foster kid and was placed voluntarily in foster care as a 10 yr old child by my mother and the social worker promised it was to be for only 90 days. Well I didn't understand why at the time but was kinda comforted by the thought I'd be going home in 90 days and made the cps worker reassure me of this more than once. It wasn't till yrs. later that I went home. See as a child it didn't matter what my home life was like I just wanted my mom. No, my home life wasn't good at the time and no kid should have to go through what I did but it happened. But why the hell couldn't CPS work on helping us and work on keeping us together and assisting my mom in getting the help she needed. See, it wasn't till just a couple of weeks ago I found out mom placed us in a foster home to keep us safe from her significant other at the time. My point is CPS wan't thinking of the welfare of me as a child if so than by letting me be with my mom and focusing and helping my mother obtain the tools and support to ensure a better future which would've been the best thing for me beings she was all I'd had or really ever known. No CPS focused on the past and kept us seperated and in doing this put me through emotional hell and am still dealing with the pain. Remember; it wasn't but just 2 weeks ago I found out why my mother did this..
God I pray CPS doesn't become a part of my life. My kids are safe, happy,well fed etc..but if CPS does become apart of it, I pray they won't focus on my bad which would be my addiction but the good I've done and I'm going to do and can do by living drug free.
Do I make sense.
Well, tomorrow I will make phone calls and find out the details of what it will take to enlist in financial help form the state and the steps I will need to take to get it and begin the road to recovery
Before that I'm going to call some churches and see if they may beable to help me so that I don't have to go through the state.
Gosh I don't know if I make sense or am I rambling. What I do know is that I need intensive inpatient rehab and that it's my only choice to find myself, to quit hurting, to ensure a good/healthy future for my girls, and to live a drug fee life.
Please tell me what you think....
Thanks
Valleygirl
I've decided I'm not as lucky as some people and don't have the options available to me either.
I took a long look at my ex who has been clean for over 30 days now. I believe he looks, thinks, and acts, better than he has since I've known him. (10 yrs.) He and I had a discussion today and I as well as he knows that without inpatient rehab he would still be using. And yes, the agreement he made with his family was that he would not seek help if they weren't willing to help me get it as well.
Obviousely, since his family doesn't like me they just agreed to appease him this way he would get the help he needed. I as well as my ex agreed that even though his family has the means to help me they aren't going too.
I've decided that the only way I'm going to get better and feel as good, look as good, think as good etc.. as my ex seems to is if I were to follow his steps and go to rehab. I can't quit doing meth on my own as I was trying to make myself believe.
See, when I don't do the drug all I do is cry and feel confused and am just an emotional mess. You see, when I do meth I don't feel this way.
I've been out on my own since I was 14 and am now 28 and do have a lot of emotional baggage and hurt built up inside of me that I've never dealt with and when I'm not using I have to deal with these things and the emotions that come with them because my mind and heart won't not let me. Well, I don't have the tools or support to deal with them alone and do know that inorder to get better I must beable to work through my hurt.
I don't have anything really physically wrong with me; at least not that I know of but I do know that I can't be trusted to do an outpatient program and not use. At least inpatient rehab their would be people who are going through similar situations or just similar problems as I.
God knows I don't want to jeopardize loosing my children because of seeking help for my problem by going through the state for financial assistance to pay for my rehab. Beings I'm a drug addict and have children I know CPS will step in to investigate the welfare of my girls. Well, I'm a good mother and could be an excellent mother as well as person if I quit using drugs. I'm not afraid of them talking to my kids or coming to my home to see how my girls and I live but do know it is considered child abuse for being under the influence or using of drugs when your children are near. I have never let the kids see or be in the same room as I when I do use; NEVER..
But if any state agency takes my kids from me because Of me asking for help to get better and not be a user of drugs which ultimately is to ensure a better future for my girls and I then that agency would be responsible for causing more emotional abuse and harm to my kids than I ever have. I say this because I'm all my girls really have beings I don't have family and I'm all my girls really know. And by taking them from me would harm them for the rest of their lives.
I speak from experience because I'm a foster kid and was placed voluntarily in foster care as a 10 yr old child by my mother and the social worker promised it was to be for only 90 days. Well I didn't understand why at the time but was kinda comforted by the thought I'd be going home in 90 days and made the cps worker reassure me of this more than once. It wasn't till yrs. later that I went home. See as a child it didn't matter what my home life was like I just wanted my mom. No, my home life wasn't good at the time and no kid should have to go through what I did but it happened. But why the hell couldn't CPS work on helping us and work on keeping us together and assisting my mom in getting the help she needed. See, it wasn't till just a couple of weeks ago I found out mom placed us in a foster home to keep us safe from her significant other at the time. My point is CPS wan't thinking of the welfare of me as a child if so than by letting me be with my mom and focusing and helping my mother obtain the tools and support to ensure a better future which would've been the best thing for me beings she was all I'd had or really ever known. No CPS focused on the past and kept us seperated and in doing this put me through emotional hell and am still dealing with the pain. Remember; it wasn't but just 2 weeks ago I found out why my mother did this..
God I pray CPS doesn't become a part of my life. My kids are safe, happy,well fed etc..but if CPS does become apart of it, I pray they won't focus on my bad which would be my addiction but the good I've done and I'm going to do and can do by living drug free.
Do I make sense.
Well, tomorrow I will make phone calls and find out the details of what it will take to enlist in financial help form the state and the steps I will need to take to get it and begin the road to recovery
Before that I'm going to call some churches and see if they may beable to help me so that I don't have to go through the state.
Gosh I don't know if I make sense or am I rambling. What I do know is that I need intensive inpatient rehab and that it's my only choice to find myself, to quit hurting, to ensure a good/healthy future for my girls, and to live a drug fee life.
Please tell me what you think....
Thanks
Valleygirl
Last edited by Valleygirl16116; 05-28-2003 at 01:15 AM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
I am sure you are doing the right thing and I hope you can get the help you need.I'm not an expert on state issues...but I know lots of moms in recovery.None of them have had any problems with losing their kids as a result of getting help.Some had their kids taken away while they were using and have been able to get them back as a result of being in recovery.I believe this will work out for you.Getting clean is one of the very best things you can do for your kids...and for yourself.
I was on my own at 15 and had a very rough past.Living clean has been an incredible healing journey.It can be for you too
I'll keep you in my prayers.Keep posting and know that you are not alone.
phoenix
I was on my own at 15 and had a very rough past.Living clean has been an incredible healing journey.It can be for you too
I'll keep you in my prayers.Keep posting and know that you are not alone.
phoenix
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 84
Valleygirl16116
That's the first part...realizing their is a problem. Denial is definately hard to come to terms with. You have realized it, now work from there.
I had alot of problems with CPS because everytime my kids were born...they had methadone in their systems. So of course, the department is called in. I fully understood why, just wished they understood me. Things aren't like years ago. The jobs of these social workers is to mend families back together, not remove the kids. Unless there are major abuse and neglect issues. Going back, some workers I had sucked and some were good. Feel these people out and don't lay everything on the table because then you become vulnerable to them. Take it slow and before you say to much, just make sure that these people understand that you need to do this for you and your kids. Also check around these boards for help...women in recovery have many good topics that I think would be helpful.
I know it's hard, with the kids. I have those problems too. I think that you should call your local social service department and see what services are available to you.
Hang in there and if you ever want to talk, email me.
Things will work out. Remember we didn't become drug addicts over night and recovery will be the same way.
That's the first part...realizing their is a problem. Denial is definately hard to come to terms with. You have realized it, now work from there.
I had alot of problems with CPS because everytime my kids were born...they had methadone in their systems. So of course, the department is called in. I fully understood why, just wished they understood me. Things aren't like years ago. The jobs of these social workers is to mend families back together, not remove the kids. Unless there are major abuse and neglect issues. Going back, some workers I had sucked and some were good. Feel these people out and don't lay everything on the table because then you become vulnerable to them. Take it slow and before you say to much, just make sure that these people understand that you need to do this for you and your kids. Also check around these boards for help...women in recovery have many good topics that I think would be helpful.
I know it's hard, with the kids. I have those problems too. I think that you should call your local social service department and see what services are available to you.
Hang in there and if you ever want to talk, email me.
Things will work out. Remember we didn't become drug addicts over night and recovery will be the same way.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 22
Hi,
when I was addicted to cocain THE only way I was able to stop was by removing myself from the accessibility to it. It was not just a matter of willpower. I had to move, and completely give up those friends I used to party with. Sounds extreme, but this was after about 100 attempts of trying to quit. Cutting the access was the key factor for me. I am glad I got out when I did because i later learned that a few of the guys I used to hang with went on to snorting herion, and ended up on the streets then in rehabs several times.
Once you get free of it and let some time go by, trust me you won't miss it. If someone gave me a line right now I would flush it in the toilet. I can't believe I used to need that stuff. You'll get to that point to
If you can remove the accessability, that might help you as it helped me. Even if it is not as extreme as moving, but perhaps disassociating yourself from the places and people that involved using.
Best wishes,
Thomas
when I was addicted to cocain THE only way I was able to stop was by removing myself from the accessibility to it. It was not just a matter of willpower. I had to move, and completely give up those friends I used to party with. Sounds extreme, but this was after about 100 attempts of trying to quit. Cutting the access was the key factor for me. I am glad I got out when I did because i later learned that a few of the guys I used to hang with went on to snorting herion, and ended up on the streets then in rehabs several times.
Once you get free of it and let some time go by, trust me you won't miss it. If someone gave me a line right now I would flush it in the toilet. I can't believe I used to need that stuff. You'll get to that point to
If you can remove the accessability, that might help you as it helped me. Even if it is not as extreme as moving, but perhaps disassociating yourself from the places and people that involved using.
Best wishes,
Thomas
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Valparaiso, Indiana
Posts: 3
Hi!!
Wow! You've had a rough life, but you've made it through so far.
I'm a mother as well, but at the time I sought help, I didn't even think about CPS. It has been a year and 2 months since I received financial assistance from the government for rehab, and I haven't heard from CPS. At the time, I also had criminal charges filed, so the courts knew I had a drug problem. I don't think they would punish you for seeking help. From talking to other mothers at meetings, the only times CPS has gotten involved is when the kids are neglected, abused, or live in a house where there is drug trafficking, (like a crack house).
I don't know you're whole story, but I know what it's like to feel so horrible inside that you would do anything to just feel 'normal'. You are not alone!! Find a meeting, they can (and will) help you there. If you need someone to talk to, email me at [email protected].
God bless and good luck!!
Wow! You've had a rough life, but you've made it through so far.
I'm a mother as well, but at the time I sought help, I didn't even think about CPS. It has been a year and 2 months since I received financial assistance from the government for rehab, and I haven't heard from CPS. At the time, I also had criminal charges filed, so the courts knew I had a drug problem. I don't think they would punish you for seeking help. From talking to other mothers at meetings, the only times CPS has gotten involved is when the kids are neglected, abused, or live in a house where there is drug trafficking, (like a crack house).
I don't know you're whole story, but I know what it's like to feel so horrible inside that you would do anything to just feel 'normal'. You are not alone!! Find a meeting, they can (and will) help you there. If you need someone to talk to, email me at [email protected].
God bless and good luck!!
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