Buffalo66

He attacked me, drunk, about 5 weeks ago. The court date was postponed, and while we aited, he said he wanted to make it all right with me. He wanted to get healthy, he wanted to go to rehab.

He was nice, and cut back alot, he said he knew the degree of hell he had put me through; the cheating, lying, non payment EVER of any support. I put up for so long, becasue he is homeless, and cant hold a job because of "mental problems" that he never quite follows thru on diagnosing or treating.

Today was the day. He was scared, saying he would be so happy, if he just didnt have to go to jail. Kept saying this, actual;ly for weeks.

I was clear that I would request state rehab, and he acted compliant, and agreed that he needed it. was being extra nice and civil, now.

When the Judge ordered the rehab, and that he provide proof in 90 days, he seemed OK. We left, and he began to shift. within an hour, he was saying bthat I had stabbed him in the back. I am evil, not supportive. How dare I try to control his life by going through the law!!. I didnt even call the police on him. The neighbors heard the fight. They called.

Somehow, I now realize that he was play acting for the last 5 weeks. I thought we were actually both on the same page with the rehab idea. I now know he just didnt want me to push for jail. He said he didnt want to hear from me ever again, that I am mean. I am so confused. I know he is scared, but, we pretty much knew what was coming today.

I am a fool. Why do I care? he has ruined me socially. Everyone thinks I am such a bitch. I am just trying to create health for my own life with my son.

Astro

I'm an alcoholic, without continual treatment and action I'm insane. Even with a program of recovery it takes a lot of hard work to change my behavior for the better. "Cutting back" meant that I just drank less, but mentally I was sicker than ever, if anything I was getting angrier because I wasn't taking in my usual amounts.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, adobe. Try to remember that his behavior isn't about you, when we're in our throes it's all about our egos. You're not a fool or a bitch, and he's not powerful enough to ruin you socially. Hopefully this will be his bottom and he'll get the care and treatment he needs in rehab.

Rella927

Hard to follow in these foot steps....but I will give it a shot..

My XABF did the same to me as far as weeks before court tried to be on his best behavior or rather try to act as if he really cared! He claimed he was in a program and sober for 6 months after the first court appearance-it went on and on it went from being in a program to "cutting back" or "I only had one" to "YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE" (looking at his reflection in my face mind you) after going to court, court ordered AA, mental counseling, jail, community service more jail time...he still did not get it-not sure if he gets it today either but it is no longer my problem it is his. I thought the same that I was a "fool" a "bitch" among many other things! I was none of those! I kept it going and that was because of my own codie behavior-the only thing that I'am at fault for was not taking care of me!

It is exactly how Astro "quoted himself" with not being in a program....things just will remain the same!

Good Luck to you I will keep you and your son in my prayers!

ICU

Man does that sound familiar. My ex was a saint during his court ordered anger management therapy...until the day he went to court and found out he wasn't going to jail. Then BOOM...back to his old angry self....and he quit the anger management that very same day.

Also, he was admitted to the hospital...suicide threats, etc. He blew a .40 and that was AFTER sleeping it off for over 3 hours. (I was told by the nursing staff that had they or I been brought in with that high of a BAC, we would have been in a coma/close to death). The whole time he was there for evaluation, both physical and mental, he was sweet as pie....in front of the staff especially. Lots of hugging and kissing me, etc.

The moment he was released, and I mean as soon as he stepped one foot out of the mental health facility, he ripped me a new 'you know what'.

Was I a fool for believing him? At first I believed I was. But in hindsight, my intention was honest and true...his was deception....who is the fool...the one who deceives. Ok. maybe I was a little bit foolish for this was not the first time he had done something like that, but still, he was more of the fool...IMO.

We all have to learn our lessons. Some of us have to learn them the hard way and take a little longer. What ever it takes to learn them is what it takes.

Just know you are not the only one as my ex did the same damn thing. But you know what? Now both you and I know better, don't we? :-)

parentrecovers

don't listen to a word he says and don't believe a word he said in the past. it's the disease talking. he only cares about himself. so you need to take care of yourself and your child.

blessings, and keep posting - k