DISTRESSED WIFE

My BF of 1 1/2 years just had his ex-GF call to tell me he wants to try again with her-this is someone he hasn't been with in 4 years. We had this wonderful relationship in every way. What happened??

I am feeling so down, in shock & he didn't even have the respect to tell me himself. I am talking about a 51 year old professional man-not a kid.

I need some encouragement. This is so similar to how my relationship ended with my exAH. He had someone else & was deciding if I was the one-he was still using at the time & claims very confused. This man is a recovering Codependent & maybe he feels he has an obligation to try again with her.

Well enough about the crappy men in my life. I need to do something to get through this. I feel devasted. I need a positiving boost. Thank God I am going to my counselor tomorrow. Then I need to get to a CODA meeting & see some friends there. I need to get my self esteem back up-because it is really feeling low right now.

This man ( I thought) was perfect for me, even bought me an engagement ring, yet hadn't given it to me yet.

Any time we have been apart even for 1 night, all he talks about on the phone is how much he misses me & can't wait to see me & snuggle me up. What the hell!!

I need something positive & need to look on the bright side.

In so many ways I feel like he is going to realize what a mistake he made, but the hurt is already done.

Help-feeling so alone. I know I will get through this but this one is really going to take alot of time to get over.

Thanks for letting me share. I need to get peace & serenity back into my life.

raerae6

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Some men are just dogs. You will feel better-it just takes time. You will meet someone better and then you will look back at this loser and laugh. I'm sorry i know this isn't helping. I'm still mad at him after reading the last post cause he reminds me of someone I used to know. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. That will help a lot!!

best

What happened? You lasted about 6 months longer then most.

Statistics show that most men return or have a desire to return to what they know rather then put out the needed effort towards making a new relationship work.
In his thoughts...she would be like that old pair of comfortable slippers. You know that kind...no effort needed to put on. Don't need to worry about polishing them. Just put them on as wanted and through them around when you take them off.
His memory or her memory of why they broke up will return soon enough.

raerae6

Yeah best is right-they broke up originaly for a reason. They probably deserve each other!!

Just remember ....this does not mean there is anything wrong with you!! He is the jerk. He is also a coward. You don't need a coward in your life.

DISTRESSED WIFE

He has said so many times that they became friends in their relationship & that was it-no romance, no sex, just that they could talk & have a good time together like friends. He said that was not acceptable for a "love relationship". He wanted a whole complete life with someone who he could be friends with, enjoy each others company, talk to, hug, snuggle, make love to & pray together-and that someone was me. He always said if he went back to her it would just be a mediocre relationship & that is not romantic love. That is just friends-roommates who have fun together.

I do agree that it won't take long for him to miss our love, but I can't wait, pray & hope that he sees the light. He is taking the easy way out because he doesn't want to hurt her because he does love her-he says as a friend.

Boy am I messed up. 4:30 today he says how much he missed me today & loves me & 9pm his GF says he is sorry but wants to go home with her. Still sitting in shock right now.

Thanks for letting me share. I need to get to peace & serenity. I know one day at a time, but shock is taking over the best of me tonight.

hbb

This is so true Distressed....my ex left me and wanted to "make amends" with his 8 year ex that "was a good girl that didn't deserve the way he treated her drunk" screw that! We were together 9 months and if he wants her back ..... good luck, like Best said, it didn't work out the first time so once the honeymoon is over BOO HOO FOR THEM

Stay strong, you deserve sooooooooooooooooo much better, we all do

Mskattie

Oh, I am sorry you are going through this... It must feel like a big betrayal, especially when he was so affectionate and loving toward you. I am also experiencing rather a sudden break-up, it just hurts so much when someone we thought love us just leave us like that with no clear and honest explanation. But for this man to just switch right away to another relationship and don't even have guts to tell you straight out, he must have some serious issues there... Maybe it was a good thing you did not marry him? Pleas take care.

Ann

DW, this is all about what "he" wants for "his" life and sounds to me like he has no interest in giving to any relationship, just taking whatever is available at the expense of the person he is with at the moment.

What matters is what "you" want and what is right for "you". This man brings nothing to his relationships except his own ego and self gratification and you deserve so much better than this.

Sounds to me like your loss is really your gain. Grab your freedom and set your standards high, you just keep taking care of yourself and good things will happen, I promise.

Hugs

dollydo

I wouldn't sit and wait for him "To See The Light" and return to you. Even if he does, it won't work. He is playing both of you, his ego is feeding his words.

Don't talk to him or her, cut the cord, there is no future with him.

If he truly loved you, he would not be going back to her.....period.

I know this hurts, however, by getting yourself out of the loop you can focus on you, not his insanity.

teke

sorry this has happened, i agree with the others. sounds things will work out for your good. keeping you in my prayers

an'ka

Creep. I am sorry, but this man is a creep. It is disgusting that he would have his ex-girlfriend call you to share the "good news". Look at it as a blessing--why would you need such a spineless person in your life?

He is showing you his true colors--take notice!

cece1960

I'm sorry hon, this would knock anyone off their feet. I'm curious though, have you spoken to him at all? Is this the type of gal that would do this on her own?

If he indeed desires to rekindle his relationship with her, there's not a lot you can do to prevent that. It is what it is, and we can't control anothers feelings.

He will miss you when he gets bored with her, and it sounds like he will. And when that happens you will be far down the road into your own future.

What goes around comes around...I do believe that.

Hang in there
(((Hugs)))
Cece

BigSis

Yep... I was reading the replies and kept thinking - yeah, but what do YOU want?

To wait?

And if he returns, to always wonder if he will wander again?


Seems like this would be a great time to take the bull by the horns. Stop taking his (or her!) calls and take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Treat yourself as nice as you would like others to treat you. Get a pedicure... have your hair done... visit a friend... boost your ego.

(((DrainedWife)))

Noah812

DW - His actions are not that of any man I know. I can understand his not wanting to face the music of his actions but he has his new/old GF tell you...WHAT? Also you dont want to be waiting around for someone liek him to come back to you. If he did what would it prove? To me it would prove to me only that this man has no idea what love is and has been playing on the hearts of at least two women. I don't want to bash him so I won't. Hang in there.

MsPINKAcres

hate you are hurting - please, please try to do some serious self-care - pamper yourself - anyone who is going thru this tough time could use the extra care.
May not help all the pain go away, but it will help ease some of it.

Be good to you! You deserve it.

DISTRESSED WIFE

Well I did it-I went over to get an explanation & he said that in order for him & I to be together he has to do this. He has to figure out what his relationship with her is. They both talked last night & agreed that it is not a romantic relationship-neither of them wants sex from the other-he slept on the couch-I do believe him because he is very conservative & would never do that unless him & I were really over.

Anyway, end of our conversation was that he loves me so much & that is why he is doing this. He needs to make sure in his mind that it is really over.

He asked for a maximum of 3 weeks. I said ok no contact, no calling, etc until he has made a final decision what he wants. Also I told him to text me at any time in the 3 weeks if he knows in his heart that him & I are over & that includes sex-sex would be the deal breaker for me. He said absolutely not in his plan was to have sex with her.

I left his place with him telling me how much he loves me, how much he thought about us last night, numerous passionate kisses & awesome feeling hugs. When he spoke of her, there was never a smile on his face. The only time he smiled was when I got to his apartment and he saw me and a massive smile when he said he loves me and hugged me.

I will just enjoy MY life, get to a meeting, enjoy friends & miss him terribly and of course pray that he comes to his senses & figures out why he left her 4 years ago-it wasn't good then-how could it be could today-even after a wonderful, fulfilling relationship that we had.

Thanks for letting me share & listening to me.

I pray that we all find peace and serenity & happiness in our relationship.

dollydo

This is the weirdst (sp) arrangement I have ever heard, and, I don't believe one word of their saying they are not sleeping together. To me, this is a bunch of crap.

I hope I am wrong, however my gut feeling is usually right.

I sincerely hope this all works out the way you "dream" it to.

In the meantime, enjoy your three weeks!

raerae6

Why is he staying at her place? Doesn't he have his own place? Where was she? does he say these things to you in front of her?

I don't know...I agree with Dolly-I think he's playin' you. Be careful.

hbb

I agree, be careful, because for me in the 3 weeks he took to "clear his head" as he put it, he was away with his exgf.......just speaking from experience. I thought my guy was the most trustful, honest, sincere gentleman out there....he had EVERYONE fooled, even his family keep your guard up......

Wascally Wabbit

I am sorry he did this to you. I know it hurts. But, it's opening the door to a man who will treat you with respect.
I hope you feel better soon.