When it stops....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
When it stops....
I should for once speak what is acually what is on my mind, buy how? My HA ( husband who is an alcholoic) however you spell that, quit drinking for a month, lucky me. I spoke of once always being in a cave, where you were always stuck, you could'nt let anyone know how your life was like or your house our else.....I am a good mother, love my children even thought my two girls are not biologicaly mine they are my heart, which means that my heart doesn't beat without them. Tonight is a bad night. My mother has bean married to an Alcholic for over twentie years, ingoring, I think. Do I do the same thing? NO, I CAN'T. Help Me..... What do I do? I leave, I have my son, but not my little girls, that is why I stay so strong. I thought this was it, whill it ever be it, I need friends, I need help, please...... P.S. I love my husband, he is my best friend, it will be hard, we have been together for more than a century, I know, WHAT, there is more to this story......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am sorry you are going thru this. i am glad you found us. first off there is nothing you can do to make your husband stop drinking. it will stop when he gets ready for it to.he probley sees nothing wrong with drinking. i can not tell you to leave him, that is your choice.i understand about your girls.i was raised by my step mom & i loved her as much as i did my dad.she was wonderful to me.i am glad to see you are like that. all you can do is learn to take care of yourself.is he abusive? stay safe what ever you do.read all the stickys at the top of the forum. read all the post here.maybe join a alonon.they are great group..we are familes of substance abuse.you may want to also check out our forum"families & friends of alcoholics". to do that stroll down to the forum jump on this page & you will see it.we are glad you found us. please keep coming back. i will say a prayer for you & your husband & children.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hi there,
So glad you found this board. Make yourself at home. There are great people here who are going through exactly what you are going through and understand.
Like the others have said, read the posts at the top of this board. There is good information there about living with addiction in your home.
Learn the 3 C's: You did not CAUSE his addiction, you cannot CONTROL his addiction, and you can't CURE his addiction. You are powerless over him and his drinking. But you are not powerless over yourself, so that is who you have to put the focus on.
I learned how to handle the addiction in my home by going to Al Anon meetings. Al Anon is a group of people who have alcoholics/addicts in their lives. In my town, we meet twice a week, and I hardly ever miss a meeting. My meetings make me feel better and have taught me how to get my life back under control.
I hope you'll find meetings in your area and keep coming back here to read and posts.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
So glad you found this board. Make yourself at home. There are great people here who are going through exactly what you are going through and understand.
Like the others have said, read the posts at the top of this board. There is good information there about living with addiction in your home.
Learn the 3 C's: You did not CAUSE his addiction, you cannot CONTROL his addiction, and you can't CURE his addiction. You are powerless over him and his drinking. But you are not powerless over yourself, so that is who you have to put the focus on.
I learned how to handle the addiction in my home by going to Al Anon meetings. Al Anon is a group of people who have alcoholics/addicts in their lives. In my town, we meet twice a week, and I hardly ever miss a meeting. My meetings make me feel better and have taught me how to get my life back under control.
I hope you'll find meetings in your area and keep coming back here to read and posts.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
thanks a lot. He stopped again and he has agreed to go to two aa meetings a week and I will go with him for support, plus I am going to try 1 alonon class as well. I am trying to stay strong, its hard, at least he is trying with my mom my dad has never stopped drinking and I don't think he ever will even though it hurts all of us, I just don't know. My mom has been to meetings but for her it just doesn't get better. anyway wish us luck and I hope this is it. Aleks
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Aleks,
I found that for me things started getting better when I went to my meetings and my AD went to her meetings. It did not work when I tried to keep up with what she was doing or what she should be doing with her program. I had to get the emphasis and focus on me and change my life while my AD worked on her life through her recovery program.
Al Anon has been a wonderful gift for ME as I learn to deal with the disease of addiction. Don't give up. Meetings, meetings and more meetings....I still go twice a week and will as long as I am able. They make me feel so much better and my life is better.
Hope you can find some peace and relief through this board and meetings.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I found that for me things started getting better when I went to my meetings and my AD went to her meetings. It did not work when I tried to keep up with what she was doing or what she should be doing with her program. I had to get the emphasis and focus on me and change my life while my AD worked on her life through her recovery program.
Al Anon has been a wonderful gift for ME as I learn to deal with the disease of addiction. Don't give up. Meetings, meetings and more meetings....I still go twice a week and will as long as I am able. They make me feel so much better and my life is better.
Hope you can find some peace and relief through this board and meetings.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Aleks))))))
Hi. My name is Linda and I'm the mother of a 25 yo addict. Recovering?
Better than he was 6 years ago. He doesn't work a program, but I believe God is working in his life alot more these days than before. It's a struggle some days.
I'm sorry for all that you are enduring with your husband and father.
My mother and stepfather were both alcoholics. My sf died in a motorcycle wreck, my mother from complications of a stroke. She had psorosis too.
That was 13 years ago. I became codependent at a very young age.
I guess it started after my dad left. I was 9.
I was always trying to "save" my family. My sf was abusive to my mom when he drank. I saw more bad things than any child should see.
He was also a perv. If you know what I mean.
I got married at a very young age. My son was born when I was 17. I jumped from 17 to 30 overnight. My children and I kinda grew up together.
My daughter (20) is/has always been sober. My son began his addictive behavior with his dad. Who I divorced when he was 8. He drank and smoked pot at a very early age.
By 19, he was shooting heroin. It's been a long road for both of us.
I began my recovery here in 2005. My son has been in and out of detox, hospitals, methadone clinics, and finally, by the grace of God, rock bottom, when I had him arrested for stealing from my home. He spent 6 months in jail and has been semi-sober since. He's never gone back to heroin, but has smoked pot and drank.
Not so much anymore. Thank God. He no longer lives with me and that is a blessing.
This story just came out. lol Didn't mean to go off on a tangent. It's a good reminder, though, of how far I have come in my own recovery from codependency.
You really need to take alanon/naranon seriously. They can help you get better, set healthy boundries, stop enabling, and move forward for you and your children.
It has saved so many lives, let me tell ya.
Your gonna feel so much better.
So keep comin' back. Take one day at a time. Focus on you and start your life again.
Recovery. It works if you work it.
Wow! I sound like a commercial. lol
A new friend at SR,
Linda
Hi. My name is Linda and I'm the mother of a 25 yo addict. Recovering?
Better than he was 6 years ago. He doesn't work a program, but I believe God is working in his life alot more these days than before. It's a struggle some days.
I'm sorry for all that you are enduring with your husband and father.
My mother and stepfather were both alcoholics. My sf died in a motorcycle wreck, my mother from complications of a stroke. She had psorosis too.
That was 13 years ago. I became codependent at a very young age.
I guess it started after my dad left. I was 9.
I was always trying to "save" my family. My sf was abusive to my mom when he drank. I saw more bad things than any child should see.
He was also a perv. If you know what I mean.
I got married at a very young age. My son was born when I was 17. I jumped from 17 to 30 overnight. My children and I kinda grew up together.
My daughter (20) is/has always been sober. My son began his addictive behavior with his dad. Who I divorced when he was 8. He drank and smoked pot at a very early age.
By 19, he was shooting heroin. It's been a long road for both of us.
I began my recovery here in 2005. My son has been in and out of detox, hospitals, methadone clinics, and finally, by the grace of God, rock bottom, when I had him arrested for stealing from my home. He spent 6 months in jail and has been semi-sober since. He's never gone back to heroin, but has smoked pot and drank.
Not so much anymore. Thank God. He no longer lives with me and that is a blessing.
This story just came out. lol Didn't mean to go off on a tangent. It's a good reminder, though, of how far I have come in my own recovery from codependency.
You really need to take alanon/naranon seriously. They can help you get better, set healthy boundries, stop enabling, and move forward for you and your children.
It has saved so many lives, let me tell ya.
Your gonna feel so much better.
So keep comin' back. Take one day at a time. Focus on you and start your life again.
Recovery. It works if you work it.
Wow! I sound like a commercial. lol
A new friend at SR,
Linda
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