It's cocktail hour
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 13
It's cocktail hour
I wrote last night, wondering about my problem drinking. I'm taking your advice, reading the posts a lot and writing again. I also ought to explain my screen name. I just thought to myself when giving myself a name, "Who would I like to be?," and that's the answer I came up with. I probably should change it to "another good person" since it seems this site is filled with us, working on trying to be just that.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
Functional means you have a job still. High bottom simply means you haven't experienced the trauma that a lot of us have "yet". This is a progressive disease,it always gets worse, never better. Bottom is in your heart, it's simply when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Moderation doesn't work for this alcoholic, nor any of the alcoholics that I know.
Oops: Welcome !!!!!
Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 07-29-2007 at 03:54 PM. Reason: Oops
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
This was posted in another thread captioned: The Jumping-Off Place
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The following is a partial excerpt from Chapter 11 of the AA Big Book. It describes what happens when we alcoholics reach our "bottom".
It doesn't matter whether one reaches a high or low bottom...and, it can be dangerous to compare one's drinking/bottom to that of another, for it can lead to denial and prolong the agony of active alcoholism. "I'm not that bad...perhaps I'm not really an alcoholic."
I, too, was a "wino"...although not the brown paper bag kind...actually, you might have considered me a "winette"...although I had tried just about everything over the years, I preferred wine. I was also "functional" for about thirty years...it was the last two years of my drinking when I became less and less functional as the drinking picked up and the disease progressed.
I've been sober for 27+ years, mostly through AA meetings; so, moderation is not an option for me. Even after all these years, if I close my eyes I can still taste the chablis, chiante, boujoulaise, burgundy, bardolino, etc....not sure of all the spellings; but, I do know I never stopped with a glass or two, and would never have left anything in the bottle once I started. If you're able to drink "in moderation" without obsessing over when you can have your next drink, maybe you aren't really an alcoholic, and God bless you; but, if as you say, you are jonesin' for that wine, well....
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The following is a partial excerpt from Chapter 11 of the AA Big Book. It describes what happens when we alcoholics reach our "bottom".
The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure.
Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
High Bottom Drunk:
An alcoholic entering AA who has maintained most of the trappings of 'success'; a family, a home, a job, a car, reputation, health, etc.. Almost everyone entering AA has hit some kind of emotional bottom, but for some the social, legal, or financial bottom may be relatively high. The more one has managed to retain upon entering AA, the higher his or her bottom is said to be.
Low Bottom Drunk:
An alcoholic entering AA who has lost 'everything;' house, car, family, job, health, etc.. Almost everyone entering AA has hit some kind of emotional or spiritual bottom but for some, the extrinsic circumstances may be particularly low. The more one has lost upon entering AA, the lower his or her bottom is said to be.
Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
High Bottom Drunk:
An alcoholic entering AA who has maintained most of the trappings of 'success'; a family, a home, a job, a car, reputation, health, etc.. Almost everyone entering AA has hit some kind of emotional bottom, but for some the social, legal, or financial bottom may be relatively high. The more one has managed to retain upon entering AA, the higher his or her bottom is said to be.
Low Bottom Drunk:
An alcoholic entering AA who has lost 'everything;' house, car, family, job, health, etc.. Almost everyone entering AA has hit some kind of emotional or spiritual bottom but for some, the extrinsic circumstances may be particularly low. The more one has lost upon entering AA, the lower his or her bottom is said to be.
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
I've been sober for 27+ years, mostly through AA meetings; so, moderation is not an option for me. Even after all these years, if I close my eyes I can still taste the chablis, chiante, boujoulaise, burgundy, bardolino, etc....not sure of all the spellings; but, I do know I never stopped with a glass or two, and would never have left anything in the bottle once I started. If you're able to drink "in moderation" without obsessing over when you can have your next drink, maybe you aren't really an alcoholic, and God bless you; but, if as you say, you are jonesin' for that wine, well....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
In my opinion, if you can moderate your drinking, you're not an alcoholic.
It's when you know that moderation doesn't work, that you realize you need to stop drinking.
For me, it was almost a relief to stop trying to moderate. When I was doing that, I was always thinking about drinking - when I would next drink, how much, etc. Also, it would work for awhile but I would end up failing again and I felt like a failure.
It's when you know that moderation doesn't work, that you realize you need to stop drinking.
For me, it was almost a relief to stop trying to moderate. When I was doing that, I was always thinking about drinking - when I would next drink, how much, etc. Also, it would work for awhile but I would end up failing again and I felt like a failure.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Welcome GoodPerson! I was a functioning alcoholic until about 6 months ago.As Glass Prisoner mentioned it is a progressive disease and before I knew it I was starting to drink at 10 in the morning-often telling myself I'll just have one then I'll feel better-but having just one isn't an option for me.Once I start I will keep going the entire day.
I tried moderation too-I tried cutting back-but all I could think about was the next drink and when I could have it.
I never thought I'd end up like this -it happened really quickly in the end-but I accept now that I am powerless over alcohol and cannot afford to ever have 'just one' again.But that's just me.
No one can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not-but if you're concerned about it-then as others said-try not drinking for a while and see if it effects you.
Keep posting here-theres tons of advice and we all do care,
Jules
I tried moderation too-I tried cutting back-but all I could think about was the next drink and when I could have it.
I never thought I'd end up like this -it happened really quickly in the end-but I accept now that I am powerless over alcohol and cannot afford to ever have 'just one' again.But that's just me.
No one can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not-but if you're concerned about it-then as others said-try not drinking for a while and see if it effects you.
Keep posting here-theres tons of advice and we all do care,
Jules
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 13
Thanks so much for all of these responses. They're helping so much. I'm doing a lot of looking around with your guidance. Been looking at the Moderation Management stuff, but finding out that one of the founders killed two people in a terrible DUI incident sure gives an imprimatur to abstinence-based programs. Yikes. I don't know what I'd do...
Please keep the advice and stories coming. I guess it terrifies me when I hear how quickly things can escalate (or decline). Maybe I want to be terrified?
And I am really curious about how one gets to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired...
Please keep the advice and stories coming. I guess it terrifies me when I hear how quickly things can escalate (or decline). Maybe I want to be terrified?
And I am really curious about how one gets to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired...
No alcohol in my blood
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Henderson, Nevada
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by GoodPerson 
I wrote last night, wondering about my problem drinking. I'm taking your advice, reading the posts a lot and writing again. I also ought to explain my screen name. I just thought to myself when giving myself a name, "Who would I like to be?," and that's the answer I came up with. I probably should change it to "another good person" since it seems this site is filled with us, working on trying to be just that.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
No alcohol in my blood
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Henderson, Nevada
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Jules62
Welcome GoodPerson! I was a functioning alcoholic until about 6 months ago.As Glass Prisoner mentioned it is a progressive disease and before I knew it I was starting to drink at 10 in the morning-often telling myself I'll just have one then I'll feel better-but having just one isn't an option for me.Once I start I will keep going the entire day.
I tried moderation too-I tried cutting back-but all I could think about was the next drink and when I could have it.
I never thought I'd end up like this -it happened really quickly in the end-but I accept now that I am powerless over alcohol and cannot afford to ever have 'just one' again.But that's just me.
No one can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not-but if you're concerned about it-then as others said-try not drinking for a while and see if it effects you.
Keep posting here-theres tons of advice and we all do care,
Jules
I tried moderation too-I tried cutting back-but all I could think about was the next drink and when I could have it.
I never thought I'd end up like this -it happened really quickly in the end-but I accept now that I am powerless over alcohol and cannot afford to ever have 'just one' again.But that's just me.
No one can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not-but if you're concerned about it-then as others said-try not drinking for a while and see if it effects you.
Keep posting here-theres tons of advice and we all do care,
Jules
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by GoodPerson
I wrote last night, wondering about my problem drinking. I'm taking your advice, reading the posts a lot and writing again. I also ought to explain my screen name. I just thought to myself when giving myself a name, "Who would I like to be?," and that's the answer I came up with. I probably should change it to "another good person" since it seems this site is filled with us, working on trying to be just that.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
I'm traveling alone out of the country for business right now; away from my family. This is usually a time when I drink (usually wine; anywhere from a third to a whole bottle) to pass time, get a little work done and not feel too lonely. But I'm half-committed (I think??) from reading these posts and exploring this site, to try to just stop drinking. If I can't do it, then clearly I have a problem (although this seems like a perverse version of the test they used to give to suspected witches. Put them under water; if they die, they were not witches. Try to quit. If you drink, then you're an alcoholic.)
So, it's 5 where I am, and I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday in this country. So I'm jonesin' for that wine right now.
Is moderation an option for anyone out there?
I could use some support and advice, especially from women who were "functional," and didn't necessarily hit a low "bottom" before they quit.
On that note, anyone have an opinion about whether it's necessary to hit bottom? What's a "high bottom?" (and I don't mean what I used to have before I had kids.
We are here for you whenever you need us.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
GP....
Yep..try having one...especially on days when you would normally have a half
(or full) bottle...
And then if you spend all your time (thinking) about alcohol...(obsession of
thought)..that would a good indication there is something wrong ...
No one knows when a person crosses the "invisible line" into full blown
alcoholism..it hit me like a ton of bricks in the first year...
My best to you!
Love,
:
IO
Yep..try having one...especially on days when you would normally have a half
(or full) bottle...
And then if you spend all your time (thinking) about alcohol...(obsession of
thought)..that would a good indication there is something wrong ...
No one knows when a person crosses the "invisible line" into full blown
alcoholism..it hit me like a ton of bricks in the first year...
My best to you!
Love,
:IO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 13
Thanks and for Igetallnumb
So I just had a very honest phone conversation with my husband where I was more upfront about my concerns about drinking than ever before. I've been around enough alcoholism to know that *talking* about it doesn't make you better but I do have a feeling like nothing will be the same again, that I won't be able to overdrink and not talk about it or face it. For now, I've decided to take your advice and to see if I can limit my use of alcohol without obsessing about it.
I have to say that one thing that came up while talking with my husband, and which I mentioned before here on this site, is that I got more concerned with alcohol when I quit smoking. I always had the cigarettes as companions for stress, celebration and lonliness and I smoked from the age of 13. While I'd never classify my attitude toward drinking as entirely healthy, I certainly didn't drink every day but I definitely found that alcohol became a more constant companion when I quit smoking. I wonder, what is at the root then of these shifting dependencies?
Anyway, I wanted stop taking so much and also give a huge shout out to Igetallnumb, whose post I've followed really closely. I think you rock, and I'm so glad you talked to your brother and to the doctor. Godspeed, girl.
I have to say that one thing that came up while talking with my husband, and which I mentioned before here on this site, is that I got more concerned with alcohol when I quit smoking. I always had the cigarettes as companions for stress, celebration and lonliness and I smoked from the age of 13. While I'd never classify my attitude toward drinking as entirely healthy, I certainly didn't drink every day but I definitely found that alcohol became a more constant companion when I quit smoking. I wonder, what is at the root then of these shifting dependencies?
Anyway, I wanted stop taking so much and also give a huge shout out to Igetallnumb, whose post I've followed really closely. I think you rock, and I'm so glad you talked to your brother and to the doctor. Godspeed, girl.
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by GoodPerson
So I just had a very honest phone conversation with my husband where I was more upfront about my concerns about drinking than ever before. I've been around enough alcoholism to know that *talking* about it doesn't make you better but I do have a feeling like nothing will be the same again, that I won't be able to overdrink and not talk about it or face it. For now, I've decided to take your advice and to see if I can limit my use of alcohol without obsessing about it.
I have to say that one thing that came up while talking with my husband, and which I mentioned before here on this site, is that I got more concerned with alcohol when I quit smoking. I always had the cigarettes as companions for stress, celebration and lonliness and I smoked from the age of 13. While I'd never classify my attitude toward drinking as entirely healthy, I certainly didn't drink every day but I definitely found that alcohol became a more constant companion when I quit smoking. I wonder, what is at the root then of these shifting dependencies?
Anyway, I wanted stop taking so much and also give a huge shout out to Igetallnumb, whose post I've followed really closely. I think you rock, and I'm so glad you talked to your brother and to the doctor. Godspeed, girl.
I have to say that one thing that came up while talking with my husband, and which I mentioned before here on this site, is that I got more concerned with alcohol when I quit smoking. I always had the cigarettes as companions for stress, celebration and lonliness and I smoked from the age of 13. While I'd never classify my attitude toward drinking as entirely healthy, I certainly didn't drink every day but I definitely found that alcohol became a more constant companion when I quit smoking. I wonder, what is at the root then of these shifting dependencies?
Anyway, I wanted stop taking so much and also give a huge shout out to Igetallnumb, whose post I've followed really closely. I think you rock, and I'm so glad you talked to your brother and to the doctor. Godspeed, girl.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
I think there is such a thing as an addictive personality. And, I think people who are addicts often shift from one addiction to another, without really making the changes in their lives that are necessary.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
"And I am really curious about how one gets to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired..."
For me, part of it was when alcohol no longer worked & I didn't want to live my life that way any longer.
For me, part of it was when alcohol no longer worked & I didn't want to live my life that way any longer.
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by 51anna
I think there is such a thing as an addictive personality. And, I think people who are addicts often shift from one addiction to another, without really making the changes in their lives that are necessary.
you are so right about that, i was addicted to other things besides drugs,,,, i was addicted to shopping,,, self mutilation
its never just one addiction...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
welcome goodperson nice to meet you. hmm drinking in moderation thought I could do that NOPE!! sure as eggs for me I would have that drink of wine and l wanted another and another!! I drank heavily for about 12 years hitting two and once or twice three bottles every second night ( the only reason I didnt drink daily was I was too dam sick and was recovering the second day!!) I obsessed about drinking hell I even dreamed about drinking when I was early in my sober recovery!
Its still a hard road for me and I dont think I will truely ever get over it and the best I can do is cope with my "disease"
I know one thing I love this place and the people here who have helped me so very much
Ang
Its still a hard road for me and I dont think I will truely ever get over it and the best I can do is cope with my "disease"
I know one thing I love this place and the people here who have helped me so very much
Ang
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by GoodPerson
And I am really curious about how one gets to a place where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired...
Well, in responce to that question I can answer by saying the following: I never really thought I had that big a problem with drinking. I would get VERY drunk and do and say stupid things, but then,.... who doesn't ??? (quite a few actually :-) I came to my sick and tired of being sick and tired when I hurt my husband because of my drinking !!!!
It suddenly occurred to me that I was repeating a pattern.... getting so drunk that I felt ashamed and afraid of meeting the people I had been partying with. Sick and tired of saying sorry for getting so drunk last night !!!
It's strange but I have had periods of drinking INXS and blacking out as a result of that, but now that I have REALLY hurt someone, someone I love with all my heart... it is becoming clear to me that I just can't handle drinking anymore. I just don't want to risk putting myself in that situation again, because my husband and my family mean more to me than alcohol.
Feels weird to think that I am never going to drink again, but at the same time it feels good. I feel relief that by stopping I am saving me from myself....and NOT hurting anyone because of who I become when I drink.
Best Regards from
Yasmin
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 138
I am drug addict. I accept absolutely that I am powerless over drugs and cannot moderate. I am an alcoholic, but understand that only intellectually. You see, I can moderate. I have had the odd drink, always just one or two. And then no more.
As a rule I do not drink. When I quit drugging, my wife encouraged me to quit drinking. She said I was a nasty drunk. I always though I was a fun drunk!
So I quit, for about 8 months. Then I started sharing a glass oof wine with my wife at special occasions. And its working - - FOR NOW!!!
Its the FOR NOW part that is the problem. My other addictions were also okay, many years ago. But this is a progressive disease.
So I am working on ACCEPTING my alcoholic status. Deep Down I understand that my occasional drink will escalate with time. May taske many years, but I will end up in a state of unmanagability.
Acceptance, tricky. I say it is understanding in my heart I am an alcoholic. I get it in my head, I can understand it. But now I must get it in my heart.
Hope my share makes snese to you Good person
As a rule I do not drink. When I quit drugging, my wife encouraged me to quit drinking. She said I was a nasty drunk. I always though I was a fun drunk!
So I quit, for about 8 months. Then I started sharing a glass oof wine with my wife at special occasions. And its working - - FOR NOW!!!
Its the FOR NOW part that is the problem. My other addictions were also okay, many years ago. But this is a progressive disease.
So I am working on ACCEPTING my alcoholic status. Deep Down I understand that my occasional drink will escalate with time. May taske many years, but I will end up in a state of unmanagability.
Acceptance, tricky. I say it is understanding in my heart I am an alcoholic. I get it in my head, I can understand it. But now I must get it in my heart.
Hope my share makes snese to you Good person
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