I Will Survive, Will you?
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I Will Survive, Will you?
This tags a great thread that Marle initiated yesterday proving that addiction is a "family disease". It has been 4 1/2 yrs.
since I learned that my only child, my son, was an addict. December 2002, the veil of darkness was lowered. As his disease has gripped him the veil has gripped me. While not clinically depressed, I struggle ea. day to keep intense sadness & lethargy at bay. I'd always been a high energy, athletic, multitasking, happy-go-lucky,
can-do gal. Now I have some days like my former self, but many I have to prod myself. I've got an amazing enviable life, but it feels like the rainbow is black and white, the vibrancy missing. It is also a physical pain, that those of you who have walked a mi. in my shoes know all too well.
I've always had well-developed coping strategies, since childhood (which is a whole other story) that kept me buoyed. This is the 1st time that circumstances have pierced my heart & brought me literally to my knees. My old coping strategies were ineffective. Ironically, many of the immeasurable changes in the last few yrs. are for the better. The pain has made me a better person; it is a vehicle of emotional growth.
Luckily, healthy eating + excercising have always been habitual, so even in my funk I continue those habits. Otherwise, my health could be more impacted.
Moms in this situation are the only ones that can relate to the intensity of an addict child. Thankfully, we find ea. other here, because it does help to relate. I've got to be vigilant so that these circumstance don't destroy my joy for life. Gloria Gaynor's disco song taught me, "I Will Survive!" Having a mom's of addicts network to call, make friends with and visit here is crucial. My mantra today is change fear, doubt & worry to faith, hope + belief that this too will pass. I remind myself that "Love endures all things, believes all things and hopes all things."
To boost my positive thinking, today I will go exercise for an hour. What do you believe today? What positive action will you take today?
since I learned that my only child, my son, was an addict. December 2002, the veil of darkness was lowered. As his disease has gripped him the veil has gripped me. While not clinically depressed, I struggle ea. day to keep intense sadness & lethargy at bay. I'd always been a high energy, athletic, multitasking, happy-go-lucky,
can-do gal. Now I have some days like my former self, but many I have to prod myself. I've got an amazing enviable life, but it feels like the rainbow is black and white, the vibrancy missing. It is also a physical pain, that those of you who have walked a mi. in my shoes know all too well.
I've always had well-developed coping strategies, since childhood (which is a whole other story) that kept me buoyed. This is the 1st time that circumstances have pierced my heart & brought me literally to my knees. My old coping strategies were ineffective. Ironically, many of the immeasurable changes in the last few yrs. are for the better. The pain has made me a better person; it is a vehicle of emotional growth.
Luckily, healthy eating + excercising have always been habitual, so even in my funk I continue those habits. Otherwise, my health could be more impacted.
Moms in this situation are the only ones that can relate to the intensity of an addict child. Thankfully, we find ea. other here, because it does help to relate. I've got to be vigilant so that these circumstance don't destroy my joy for life. Gloria Gaynor's disco song taught me, "I Will Survive!" Having a mom's of addicts network to call, make friends with and visit here is crucial. My mantra today is change fear, doubt & worry to faith, hope + belief that this too will pass. I remind myself that "Love endures all things, believes all things and hopes all things."
To boost my positive thinking, today I will go exercise for an hour. What do you believe today? What positive action will you take today?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
No matter how much recovery we have, we sometimes will find it hard to cope. The other day, I was taking a nap and woke in the middle of it with just intense feelings of despair. I could literally feel the nervousness inside of me. My hands were shaking. Those are the times that I really can't control. When I am awake and conscious, I can handle things. But it is the times when I wake in a panic that I realize that it is always there under the surface waiting. Kind of like the addict. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
I try to believe that the best is yet to come since the past has been like HE** for me. Every morning when I wake up I say thank you, and when I go to bed I say thank you again. I know I made it through the day and night with the help of my HP. Every day I say I will try to do something nice for someone else, even if it is only holding a door for someone. Little things mean a lot for others, it shows respect and caring.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Awesome post, Seeker. Thank you.
When I feel myself slipping back into darkness, I force myself to sit down and count my blessings. Sometimes I don't want to do it...I wallow in the pain for a bit or I have a difficult lesson to learn... But if I can get myself to look at all the positives in my life and say a prayer of thanks, I always walk away feeling a little better...a little stronger.
When I feel myself slipping back into darkness, I force myself to sit down and count my blessings. Sometimes I don't want to do it...I wallow in the pain for a bit or I have a difficult lesson to learn... But if I can get myself to look at all the positives in my life and say a prayer of thanks, I always walk away feeling a little better...a little stronger.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
This is an awesome thread and I will come back to answer what I will do for me today.
But I want to know what it is that turn your fear, doubt and worry to --- belief in what? a higher power? your intrinsic self-worth? Sometimes I think I receive mixed messages about giving power up to my HP, yet still controlling my behaviors, feelings and reactions.
But I want to know what it is that turn your fear, doubt and worry to --- belief in what? a higher power? your intrinsic self-worth? Sometimes I think I receive mixed messages about giving power up to my HP, yet still controlling my behaviors, feelings and reactions.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I believe it's self acceptance. When we can truly accept the fact that yes we have a problem with whatever (mine being codependant) then the acceptance of that allows us to move on to solutions. if we don't have the acceptance we wallow in self pity, denial and depression. It's still something I have to work at but I now know what I need to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Heather,
I accepted that I was unable to control the addict and the chaos that my life became. I turned to my HP to guide me. I was not really spirtual or religious at the time but now I am. I know for a fact I would not be where I am today with my power of someone, God, guiding me to do the right thing for me. Even when it was walking away from my son and saying you have to leave NOW I can't take this anymore.
I accepted that I was unable to control the addict and the chaos that my life became. I turned to my HP to guide me. I was not really spirtual or religious at the time but now I am. I know for a fact I would not be where I am today with my power of someone, God, guiding me to do the right thing for me. Even when it was walking away from my son and saying you have to leave NOW I can't take this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
I will survive my ad's addiction, but I feel I have changed, also. But I've been through a lot in my life, and have made it through, so far anyway. I still try to find joy in the little things. Today wasn't a great day for me, but I put myself in the car and went to a flea market and took the long way home. Beautiful day and just what I needed to lift my spirits. It helps too to come on here and find others who care and can understand. It also helps to put my ad in someones hands who are much bigger than mine and then have faith that she will do the right thing.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
BluePansy- Glad you had a wonderful day.Did you find something to buy at the flea market, if so what?
I reconnected today with a dear friend that I haven't communicated with in a couple of yrs. Next week we are going to meet at her gym. She was DJ on a reggae radio show and dedicated two songs to me today. So glad I reached out
I reconnected today with a dear friend that I haven't communicated with in a couple of yrs. Next week we are going to meet at her gym. She was DJ on a reggae radio show and dedicated two songs to me today. So glad I reached out
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I'm like pansy, I have changed also. How can we not change after all we go through?? Today, I am off and taking my granddaughter to ballet camp. I will enjoy knowing that life goes on and recover is possible--on both sides!
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