blue pansy

Day 2 out of rehab and I need lots and lots of duct tape, not only for my mouth, but I could probably look like a redneck mummy wrapped in duct tape.
Seems that the focus of ad's recovery may be a guy she discovered in rehab. Great, guess she learned a whole lot there.
What I learned from her rehab is that I really don't want the chaos and I'm really tired of hearing of the problems she's created AND most of her solutions involve me. What??????
Right now I'm not happy with her, but it's her recovery and her problem. I won't go into the whole thing but I will be asking her if maybe it'll be better for both of us if she goes somewhere else to stay. She may shape up or she will ship out.
But I don't think she's using...........

ladyjane

Blue Pansy... I know how you feel. My as found several of his girlfriends at AA meetings. Needless to say the relationships were short lived and so were the meetings.
_____________________
Trish

parentrecovers

those relationships in early recovery are just distractions from the job at hand. that was our experience with our daughter, anyway. is the guy still in rehab? maybe he'll go away once he gets out and into his own life again? we can hope...

blessings, k

greeteachday

Finding substitutes for addiction isn't uncommon and not using doesn't mean the addictive traits go away over night. I know I thought rehab was going to bring back my old daughter after a month...what a surprise that was. But I did find that if I let her do her thing and focused on me, I started to find joy in the glimpses of the old daughter and rejoice in her accomplishments. Being clean is really, really hard work.

I'm a great believer in duct tape and I agree that not having to watch is often better for both of you. Oxford houses or other halfway houses often help both addict and parent in early recovery. Hugs...Hang in there!!!

marle

My daughter did the same thing in rehab. Found a man. She had just broken up with an exabf the week before she went to rehab. The guy from rehab came up to her apartment to supposedly go to an NA meeting. Actually he brought drugs. Megan had a choice between this guy that had no money or the crack addict downstairs that had money falling out of his pockets. Guess who she chose. The guy from rehab went back to rehab and has been clean since March. Daughter and her abf are still going strong. So really it all comes down to your daughter will do what she wants to do. Right now she is focusing on another person, one who is as fragile as she is, to avoid her own issues. That is good that you are thinking of asking her to find other living arrangements. It is oh so much more difficult when the addict lives under our roof. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Marle

Lobo

Boy, does she sound like my daughter. I keep telling her to focus on herself and where she is going with her life and not who is going to be her next bf. To make matters worse she always ends up with losers. It seems no matter where she goes she can pick up a guy. I guess it keeps her from dealing with herself. It is so much harder for you to live together and see all of this that you don't agree with. I know I can't keep my mouth shut, so it is better she doesn't live with me right now.

Sending mom hugs and a roll of duct tape..............Lo

parentrecovers

i think we've found another real good use for duct tape!

marle

Or as we call it here, duck tape, quack,quack Hugs, Marle

blue pansy

Thanks to all I now have 52 rolls of duck tape!!!!!
She had her girlfriend come over for a while this afternoon and ad left but friend stayed to see how I felt about everything. She had tried earlier to explain to ad that it would take quite a while before I felt any kind of trust again. A few of her friends have tried to explain to her the power of a simple thank you or I'm sorry, but she (ad) just doesn't get it.
I do know that asking her about halfway houses put the fear of god into her, the thought of being kicked out might work, who knows.
Off to my meeting.......

caileesnana

Send a case of duct tape to TX!!! Ever notice when someone else says the same thing we might say it's OK? It so SO hard to keep my mouth shut, I wouldn't with anyone else but I follow adivse with her. My way didin't work.
We are all in my prayers,
susan

parentrecovers

i gotta lead a topic meeting at alanon on sat - i think i might make it "duct tape"...

marle

Parent, Another favorite around here is jujubes. Keep your mouth full of them when dealing with your addict. You might add that to your meeting. Hugs, Marle

Spiritual Seeker

Mom - masking tape on mouth
Sending best wishes as you and AD work this out. They say that their maturity stops and is equal to the age they were when they started using. We expect them to act their age but it must take a lot of time to play catchup in the maturation dept. Sometimes addicts seem like another species to me because we are just so different. Remember gratitude, she is sober. That is our wish "if only they'd get sober" But I can see from your post that is just the beginning of recovery. mANY have said here that often it is best done in sober liv. homes. keep posting and let us know how it it going. Again I must say that my son is missing in action, so please give your child a hug and kiss for me because at least she is trying

blue pansy

(((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))
Prayers for your son and that you hear from him soon.
Marle I love jujubes!!!