Language of Letting Go - July 5
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - July 5
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Survivor Guilt
We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non-recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.
And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Survivor Guilt
We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non-recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.
And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Something I learned is that sharing the pain of an addict doesn't make it any less for them and is a very heavy load to carry for us.
I don't think I ever felt much survival guilt, maybe a little but my recovery support and tools helped me through that fairly quickly, more I felt a sadness that nothing I could do or not do would make any difference.
There just came a time when I had to decide to let go or get dragged into hell with him. Asking God to take over was the only way I knew to do that.
Hugs
I don't think I ever felt much survival guilt, maybe a little but my recovery support and tools helped me through that fairly quickly, more I felt a sadness that nothing I could do or not do would make any difference.
There just came a time when I had to decide to let go or get dragged into hell with him. Asking God to take over was the only way I knew to do that.
Hugs
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Guilt was what drove me back to my ex so many times. He was just so MISERABLE without me and the kids. After my anger for *whatever* had happened wore off, the guilt started.
Then, slowly, I began to see that he was just miserable, period. It didn't matter where he was or who he was with. Nothing I could do about it, because he chose to live that way.
I still have a twang of guilt here and there, but it is not very often anymore.
Then, slowly, I began to see that he was just miserable, period. It didn't matter where he was or who he was with. Nothing I could do about it, because he chose to live that way.
I still have a twang of guilt here and there, but it is not very often anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
I needed to read this today, Ann...Thank you.
My exah is hundreds of miles away. He HAD to take a job out of state because his options here were limited (due to fall-out of his addiction).
He called to talk to our son the other night and I could tell he was drunk.
This is his way of coping...so sad, really.
My feelings of guilt are so illogical. They make no sense whatsoever. I'm slowly learning how to see them for what they are...A symptom of MY disease. This reading was a much-needed shot in the arm today.
My exah is hundreds of miles away. He HAD to take a job out of state because his options here were limited (due to fall-out of his addiction).
He called to talk to our son the other night and I could tell he was drunk.
This is his way of coping...so sad, really.
My feelings of guilt are so illogical. They make no sense whatsoever. I'm slowly learning how to see them for what they are...A symptom of MY disease. This reading was a much-needed shot in the arm today.
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