sober for 12 hours
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3
sober for 12 hours
Heya, I am new to this. It is my start in trying to move towards some sorta control cause I lost it somewhere a few years back.
I am 27 and have always led a social lifestyle where drinks are a norm. A long time ago I told myself I could never be an alcoholic because I would hate to be numb, I love to feel things much more. I also told myself a few years later(when I began getting a bit concerned) that as long as my family and professional life are in tact then I can party all I want. Now I have a truly big problem. What I lost is control and somehow forgot how good it feels to be sober. I have a family history of boozers however my parents hardly drink and have always led healthy life styles. I have always controled my smoking addiction, 10 years yet have no trouble going on one or 2 cigarettes a day only at nite. I wish I could keep my drinking in such control. You see I don't know if I am ready to say I will never drink again, I know I will, I just don't ever want to feel like I am controlled by drinking. I just got back from traveling where I admitted to some friends about having a problem. I would polish off a bottle of wine almost every nite so it was easy to notice how much I drink. I came back and spent the weekend partying at the pride parade of which I barely remember. This morning my friend who took me to bed and made sure I was safe(I am damn lucky) told me he doesn't understand why I continue drinking when I am already drunk. I said "I think I may have a bit of a problem." If I continue like this then I will loose my closest friends, I will continue loosing money, cell phones, wallets etc. I don't know what to do. I checked out some rehab options but don't have much money. I would love to do some short detox just to give myself the initial push but don't really know where to go(any suggestions would be great). The longest amount of time I abstained from having an alcoholic beverage in the past year has probably been no longer then 3 days. I binge drink once every 3 days I'd say. Anyhow, my concentration is awful, I am trying to find work (as I just got back), my confidence and motivation is very low, I have trouble making healthy relationships and now even more trouble meeting people)cause I get to wasted when I am out. ahhhh I know I am dragging on but I am already craving a beer, it's summer time and a million excuses to booze it up. Do you think that attempting to eliminate my binge days and limiting myself to say no more then a couple of beers (only when I am out) is at all realistic? I will try not to have a single drink until Friday, I have a party to go to then and will attempt to practice the control thing. I You may think I am naive or not really taking myself seriously if I am not fully willing to cold turkey quit...however I think this challenge already freaks me out...I wish me luck.. thank you for reading.
I am 27 and have always led a social lifestyle where drinks are a norm. A long time ago I told myself I could never be an alcoholic because I would hate to be numb, I love to feel things much more. I also told myself a few years later(when I began getting a bit concerned) that as long as my family and professional life are in tact then I can party all I want. Now I have a truly big problem. What I lost is control and somehow forgot how good it feels to be sober. I have a family history of boozers however my parents hardly drink and have always led healthy life styles. I have always controled my smoking addiction, 10 years yet have no trouble going on one or 2 cigarettes a day only at nite. I wish I could keep my drinking in such control. You see I don't know if I am ready to say I will never drink again, I know I will, I just don't ever want to feel like I am controlled by drinking. I just got back from traveling where I admitted to some friends about having a problem. I would polish off a bottle of wine almost every nite so it was easy to notice how much I drink. I came back and spent the weekend partying at the pride parade of which I barely remember. This morning my friend who took me to bed and made sure I was safe(I am damn lucky) told me he doesn't understand why I continue drinking when I am already drunk. I said "I think I may have a bit of a problem." If I continue like this then I will loose my closest friends, I will continue loosing money, cell phones, wallets etc. I don't know what to do. I checked out some rehab options but don't have much money. I would love to do some short detox just to give myself the initial push but don't really know where to go(any suggestions would be great). The longest amount of time I abstained from having an alcoholic beverage in the past year has probably been no longer then 3 days. I binge drink once every 3 days I'd say. Anyhow, my concentration is awful, I am trying to find work (as I just got back), my confidence and motivation is very low, I have trouble making healthy relationships and now even more trouble meeting people)cause I get to wasted when I am out. ahhhh I know I am dragging on but I am already craving a beer, it's summer time and a million excuses to booze it up. Do you think that attempting to eliminate my binge days and limiting myself to say no more then a couple of beers (only when I am out) is at all realistic? I will try not to have a single drink until Friday, I have a party to go to then and will attempt to practice the control thing. I You may think I am naive or not really taking myself seriously if I am not fully willing to cold turkey quit...however I think this challenge already freaks me out...I wish me luck.. thank you for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Jacki
I know what you mean...I could never understand why people *stopped* when they became drunk....LOL insanity.
Control? for me there's no such thing and I fooled myself for years trying to 'drink but not to excess'...any of the very few times I succeeded was quickly followed by a massive blow out...
I really hope you're one of the very few lucky ones who can dance with the devil, but from your post I think you already realise it's 'problem' time, yeah ?
There's always a sympathetic ear and some good advice here in any case.
D
I know what you mean...I could never understand why people *stopped* when they became drunk....LOL insanity.
Control? for me there's no such thing and I fooled myself for years trying to 'drink but not to excess'...any of the very few times I succeeded was quickly followed by a massive blow out...
I really hope you're one of the very few lucky ones who can dance with the devil, but from your post I think you already realise it's 'problem' time, yeah ?
There's always a sympathetic ear and some good advice here in any case.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 91
Ahhh, control, right? I know it's really hard to feel controlled by an inanimate object. I too tried to tell my self I could just drink a few. And sometimes I can, but lately I can't do that. And I never know if I will be able to or not. It's turning out to be way too much of a gamble. And I'm realizing/ admitting that the gambel just isn't worth it.
That's really hard to admit but it's the truth. And I'm finding it's a truth for a lot of people...
I wish you well. Hope you had fun at pride. Were you in NYC?
That's really hard to admit but it's the truth. And I'm finding it's a truth for a lot of people...
I wish you well. Hope you had fun at pride. Were you in NYC?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR...
As you are having loss of memory
I suggest you read this...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/
Blackouts or discussed on #35
but there is a lot of good info there.
Blessings
As you are having loss of memory
I suggest you read this...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/
Blackouts or discussed on #35
but there is a lot of good info there.
Blessings
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 53
I have tried several times to control my drinking. The sad fact for me is that
1 drink=1 drunk=1 binge.
I have been testing this formula for 23 years. It is tried and true. Good Luck. I hope you win either way.
1 drink=1 drunk=1 binge.
I have been testing this formula for 23 years. It is tried and true. Good Luck. I hope you win either way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi,
I would be more freaked out by trying to control my drinking, then stopping it for good. I tried the control thing, desperately, for a very long time and it never worked for more than a few weeks. I would end up worse than where I started. And, not only that, my mind was obsessed with drinking the whole time, wondering where the next drink would be and when. It was such a relief to just stop.
I would be more freaked out by trying to control my drinking, then stopping it for good. I tried the control thing, desperately, for a very long time and it never worked for more than a few weeks. I would end up worse than where I started. And, not only that, my mind was obsessed with drinking the whole time, wondering where the next drink would be and when. It was such a relief to just stop.
Welcome Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3
Heya, no not NYC pride, but Toronto pride. I haven't managed to make it to NYC yet though it is not so far at all. Anyhow, thanks for the reply. I am pissed of that I got myself to the point where I may be in so far that I am very unsure if this control thing will work at all. I think it may be much harder than not drinking at all. We shell see how it goes, if I fall into binging then AA is next. I almost left this morning for an 11 day meditation retreat which is a full detox from food, communication and toxins. I was concerned that it may be too hardcore so I rescheduled for a further date this summer. Something to prep for mentally. Hang in there, btw I know what you mean about boredom, I think it is part of the reason I overdrank many times. I recommend people watching at cafes, soccer, random workshops.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Jacki,
Welcome! I'm just north of Toronto myself. Have you checked out rehabs? Most are covered by OHIP here in Ontario - then there is aftercare (also covered) - and then, of course, AA, if you so choose.
I tried to control my drinking for a long time - the party atmosphere you related - I could identify with strongly. Always losing stuff, blacking out, having people take care of me so I didn't get hurt etc - controlling my intake was too difficult and inevitably I failed at that. I know it's a lot to swallow, thinking about giving up something that's been such a big part of your life, and coming here has been a great first step. If you have any questions about rehabs in this area, let me know - I know a lot of people who have been to them. I went to Georgianwood myself for 28 days, and go to AA now. It's saved my life - actually, it's given me a life.
I also went on a retreat recently, and we didn't fast or anything, but there was emphasis on silence amongst the retreatants, and overall it was a positive, restful experience. Sure makes you think about what you want from life.
Please keep posting.
Rowan
Welcome! I'm just north of Toronto myself. Have you checked out rehabs? Most are covered by OHIP here in Ontario - then there is aftercare (also covered) - and then, of course, AA, if you so choose.
I tried to control my drinking for a long time - the party atmosphere you related - I could identify with strongly. Always losing stuff, blacking out, having people take care of me so I didn't get hurt etc - controlling my intake was too difficult and inevitably I failed at that. I know it's a lot to swallow, thinking about giving up something that's been such a big part of your life, and coming here has been a great first step. If you have any questions about rehabs in this area, let me know - I know a lot of people who have been to them. I went to Georgianwood myself for 28 days, and go to AA now. It's saved my life - actually, it's given me a life.
I also went on a retreat recently, and we didn't fast or anything, but there was emphasis on silence amongst the retreatants, and overall it was a positive, restful experience. Sure makes you think about what you want from life.
Please keep posting.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
'I binge drink once every 3 days I'd say.'
I was doing that up until last new year, before that I drank everyday-my body couldnt take it so I started bingeing instead.
When I drank I drank until I was passed out on the floor, I ended up being really ill on the 2 days I didnt drink so everyday was effected by the drinking.
It got worse after new year when I tried to quit, my last binge lasted 30 days and I was so ILL after that.
Anyway, sorry for waffling on I dont even know what my point is!
Welcome!
I was doing that up until last new year, before that I drank everyday-my body couldnt take it so I started bingeing instead.
When I drank I drank until I was passed out on the floor, I ended up being really ill on the 2 days I didnt drink so everyday was effected by the drinking.
It got worse after new year when I tried to quit, my last binge lasted 30 days and I was so ILL after that.
Anyway, sorry for waffling on I dont even know what my point is!
Welcome!
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi,
Ah, control. Something that i think most of us here have in common. The need to control, not just our drinking but most of everything in our lives.
I found that personally once I admitted that I was giving up control, once it stopped being MY will, and I turned it over to my HP, that everything else was extremely easy after that. Not perfect mind you, but easier.
Good luck J..keep posting here.
Karen
Ah, control. Something that i think most of us here have in common. The need to control, not just our drinking but most of everything in our lives.
I found that personally once I admitted that I was giving up control, once it stopped being MY will, and I turned it over to my HP, that everything else was extremely easy after that. Not perfect mind you, but easier.
Good luck J..keep posting here.
Karen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Welcome, Jacki!
I tried often to control my drinking, also. Starting later in the day, limiting the amount that I drank... never could do it for more than a day, usually not even that long. I was a daily drinker, often to the point of blacking out. I have finally admitted to myself what I've know for a long time- that I am an alcoholic, and once I start to to drink, I truly don't know when or if I'll stop, or what I'll do. I have one week sober today. Keep reading and posting. There is a lot of information and support on this forum. It's certainly helped to keep me sober.
Brightest blessings to you.
BHJ
I tried often to control my drinking, also. Starting later in the day, limiting the amount that I drank... never could do it for more than a day, usually not even that long. I was a daily drinker, often to the point of blacking out. I have finally admitted to myself what I've know for a long time- that I am an alcoholic, and once I start to to drink, I truly don't know when or if I'll stop, or what I'll do. I have one week sober today. Keep reading and posting. There is a lot of information and support on this forum. It's certainly helped to keep me sober.
Brightest blessings to you.
BHJ
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again...
Most of us in recovery tried moderating
before we finally quit.
At one point...
I drank only Bourbon because I detested the taste.
Do you now have a different plan?
Most of us in recovery tried moderating
before we finally quit.
At one point...
I drank only Bourbon because I detested the taste.
Do you now have a different plan?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 302
hi jacki - i was in your exact situation and i was the same way with binging and when i tried to control it it actually got worse to where i was doing it every night after work and just passing out instead of going to bed. so i definitely know how you feel. my last binge almost killed me so i went through out patient detox pretty much by myself but i made it through after 3 days or so, i pretty much stayed in bed. and then decided to just try and find a new job and do AA and see if that helps. I also found that rehab (at least a good one) is very pricey!!! good luck and keep posting here....it helps!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
If you think you have a problem with alcohol, AA is a good place to find out about it.
I couldn't control my drinking either. I would go and have a couple at lunchtime. Everyone else would go back to work and I just couldn't stop drinking. If, by some super human effort I managed to get back to work, my mind was on the next drink and I would be watching the clock until I could get back to the bar.
It didn't matter what I had promised, I would arrange to get out of things or I would be so sick the next day, life was very hard to live.
Then when I decided to stop, I found I couldn't stay stopped. My mind kept telling me I could drink moderately. I had an obsession that I would be able to drink normally and I still have that thought sometimes.
The way I have kept sober is by going to AA and doing the steps. I have no mental defence against the first drink so I need a power greater than alcohol in my life to keep me from the hell that drinking took me to.
Welcome back. You are not alone.
I couldn't control my drinking either. I would go and have a couple at lunchtime. Everyone else would go back to work and I just couldn't stop drinking. If, by some super human effort I managed to get back to work, my mind was on the next drink and I would be watching the clock until I could get back to the bar.
It didn't matter what I had promised, I would arrange to get out of things or I would be so sick the next day, life was very hard to live.
Then when I decided to stop, I found I couldn't stay stopped. My mind kept telling me I could drink moderately. I had an obsession that I would be able to drink normally and I still have that thought sometimes.
The way I have kept sober is by going to AA and doing the steps. I have no mental defence against the first drink so I need a power greater than alcohol in my life to keep me from the hell that drinking took me to.
Welcome back. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Calgary
Posts: 12
Hi Jacki.
Fellow Canadian here. I feel the same as you. I tend to drink a bit more than a bottle of wine a night but we are all in the same boat. I have managed to stay away from drinking now for 5 days. I have done this many times over the years and this is the time that I always fall off the wagon. I have also tried the control thing....doesn't work (at least not for me). My problem is not the 10th or 20th drink (which is more the norm), but the first drink. If I have one then I want 20! I manged to abstane from drinking over the past 5 days even though I was in situations that I normally consume copius amounts. I'm very proud of myself but at the same time feeling like I'm losing a friend. I have tried this many times thoughout the years but to little success. I dropped in at a AADAC branch a couple of weeks ago and have a meeting with a counselor on this upcoming Friday. I promised myself I won't have anything to drink until after that date. My problem is I've made promises to myself before that I was unable to keep. Do you care to have an online "non-drinking" buddy? If so please let me know. I'd like to hook up with someone else if nothing else for the competition aspect of my personality.
Regards,
FM
Fellow Canadian here. I feel the same as you. I tend to drink a bit more than a bottle of wine a night but we are all in the same boat. I have managed to stay away from drinking now for 5 days. I have done this many times over the years and this is the time that I always fall off the wagon. I have also tried the control thing....doesn't work (at least not for me). My problem is not the 10th or 20th drink (which is more the norm), but the first drink. If I have one then I want 20! I manged to abstane from drinking over the past 5 days even though I was in situations that I normally consume copius amounts. I'm very proud of myself but at the same time feeling like I'm losing a friend. I have tried this many times thoughout the years but to little success. I dropped in at a AADAC branch a couple of weeks ago and have a meeting with a counselor on this upcoming Friday. I promised myself I won't have anything to drink until after that date. My problem is I've made promises to myself before that I was unable to keep. Do you care to have an online "non-drinking" buddy? If so please let me know. I'd like to hook up with someone else if nothing else for the competition aspect of my personality.
Regards,
FM
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