alyssiav

So this is the second day of his outpatient program, where he'll have to go tonight for 3 hours right after he gets home from work. He started taking the train yesterday (thank god), becasue we all know he won't make it home if he drives. Well its 5 am and he woke me up in his rage as usually and yelling about where is this and I need more $$, etc.. and this is gonna be so hard not to be able to come home and have to go straight to this program and then come home and go to bed. He says, "This is how it's gonna be, you need to deal with it and I better see some appreciation." He is sooooo disrespectful and inconsiderate to my needs or that he might wake up the baby. This is nothing new I just thought that it would get better....he's only been clean 4 days though. If he can't amke it to the second day of the program how will he make it 6 weeks. When does life start to include what I need? When does it ever get to be about ME?!!! I am so sick of getting woken out of sleep by his loud mouth! I have to go to work to and take care of our SOn, etc.... While he was yelling he even accidently called me "MOm" GROSS. I am not his mother although I feel like it most of the time. What is all that about. I just hate this ...is it ever gonna get better???? Will he stick to this? If not I am put in the position of doing something about this and that is scary. This whole thing will always be a struggle for him, when will any of the focus get to be on Me??! UGH

Ann

I know this is hard and commend you for taking all the responsibility for the rest of the family while he grumbles about his program. Just keep in mind that 4 days is far too early for any real recovery to show on his part, he's probably still going through withdrawls and trying to deal with his own crazy emotions right now.

Things could be rocky for a while, that's just how it works even if he stays in this program. Perhaps it might be a good time for you to work on your own recovery and find peace in the storm.

I know it may be hard to make a meeting with kids and him gone to his program, but if you can find a babysitter for even one night a week, I know that live support would help you more than you can imagine.

Reading books like "Codependent No More" and reading and sharing here may also help you deal with your own issues.

I know that when I first came into recovery it was hard to focus on me when much of my time and energy was still going out to my son's addiction. It was when I turned his addiction and his recovery over to him and to God and began working my own program that I began to feel stronger and less scrambled each day.

It WILL get easier and better, but only when you find your own balance and peace.

Hugs and Prayers for both of you.

One day at a time is how it works, for him and for you. Just try to find a few things today to help you keep your balance, no matter how he behaves.

kj0975

Sometimes they go through a VERY cranky stage while getting clean. I dont know what his DOC was/is though. Its not acceptable for him to be treating u like he does with no regard for no one but himself. Typical behavior sometimes. I hope u stay safe and I'm sorry I dont have any words of wisdom for u but I'm sure others will be around soon to talk to u. (((ALYSSIAV)))=hugs...

tropikgal2

Oh yeah, the cranky jerkhead stage is just beginning. If he makes it through this though, things will get easier. HOwever, it sound to me like he isn't doing this for him, he's doing it for you and your son, which means it might not "take". Or maybe it's just withdrawal rage, who knows.
That Freudian slip with him calling you "Mom" is something that needs to be addressed by a shrink, for real. That's no joke and an obvious indication of where your relationship stands.

hope213

take it one day at a time. it is something he has got to deal will.they do not realize that we are dealing with them & there attitudes while they are going to the meeting & ect. we are taking care of everything else.it will get better if he works the program & the steps.sending prayers for you both & big hugs for you.