tbreno12

It has been awhile since I have been here to chat about my abf, he relapsed last Sept after 8 yrs clean, CRACK has taken over,lost a 444k house, 2 cars and business, its almost unbeliveable how fast it can all go. I let him stay here in November after he completed a treatment center of 30 day made about 60 and went out again, got arrested and let out on an OR , I once again let him stay here while he was waiting to go to court with the understanding he was on a extensive testing peroid, Well to say the least no testing and he is high, I dont let him come home while he is high, I would rather pay for a hotel room then deal with him in that condition, i have kicked him out of the house, but he will not completly go away, he for some reason thinks I owe him for our life we once had together when he was clean, Im disgusted with him, all of his stuff , his behavior etc... How do I make him go away, I so want to tell the courts hes dirty, Im just so tired and sick to stomach I cant tolerate it not one more day....I will not pay one more bill of his, What do I do??? Everytime I tell him to move completly out he dosent hear me, Its always next week, when he fininishs a job, he cant have more then 40 dollars in his pocket before hes high again so next week never ever comes, just the manipulative drug addict himself, I know about additicion i have 7 yrs i never realized how bad we get until im on the other shoe dealing with him, now i know how my family felt... please some suggestions, MAKE HIM GO AWAY!!!!

splendra

(((tbreno12)))

I hear ya. I am in the process of making my H leave. Currently he is out in the driveway sleeping in his van. I want him gone too. I am ignoring him not speaking to him. I continue to pack up his stuff though and put it in his van. Almost all of his stuff is out of the house but the garage is still full. He does crack and is a royal pain in the butt.

I refuse to pay him to leave or pay for a room or anything else for that matter...I'll be saying a prayer for you. Take good care!!!

tbreno12

Thanks, it sure helps knowing there are other people out there to talk to about this insane behavior, thanks again I will pray for you as well...

raerae6

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you are really really desparate, call the police and just tell them that you want him to leave and he won't go. You don't even have to say he is on drugs. They will escort him from your place.

I did that once, but now that I think of it...as soon as they were gone, he was back knocking at the door....

hope213

i do not think i know you.welcome to S.R...my addict is my son.as much as i love him he know he can not stay with me.you pack his stuff, & tell him if he does not leave you WILL call the law, & that means leave your driveway.get a restraining order.set boundries & stick with them. as long as he has you to fall back on he is not going anywhere.it never came to that with my son but you have to do waht you have to do to take care of you.you do not owe him anything.he makes the choice to use,you make the choice not to stay with him.i will say a prayer for you & him both.

notsleepingwell

(((tbreno12)))
Welcome to SR!!! I can't imagine the fear and all the other emotions you are going through right now, my addict is my daughter.

Having said that, if you have let him come back numerous times, he thinks you will cave again. So this time, if you are serious, let him know,. Call the police and absolutely refuse to talk to him. Otherwise, he'll think this is just like all the other times.

Stay strong, you can do this. But don't send mixed signals. Don't take his calls, don't argue, threaten, or see him. ACTION not WORDS!!!

Prayers going out for you that you find the strength to do the right thing.

BigSis

None of the addicts in my life have ever given me permission to have a boundary.

*I* have to set them around me.


If your rule is no drugs... then move his stuff out on the lawn - then have Salvation Army come after 3 days to pick it up.

Change the locks.

Change the phone number.

Screen your calls.

Do not call him.

Do not accept calls from him.

Return mail addressed to him.


These are the sorts of actions YOU can take to have him out of your life. I don't know if I could do them, or not. I do know that it isn't fair... on every level.

Alanon helped me understand how many of spouses go through this... how it really is "normal" for addiction. That I am not alone.

I wish you the best.

havehope

I totally agree with Bigsis
When my daughter moved out we changed the locks etc. . .
We all feel much safer and at ease living in OUR home knowing she can not sneak back in. It may sound extreme, but all of the things BigSis mentioned have to be done in order for the addict to know that we mean business THIS time.
Just IMHO of course.
Be strong and take care of you.
Terri

finallyout

hey, just wanted to say my prayers are with you, all really good advice above. if your house is in your name and not his and you're not married, i'm pretty sure you can call the police and they can force him to leave. of course, that can get ugly too, depends on how bad things are. stay strong and let us know how you're doing.