CANNOT take this anymore
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 30
CANNOT take this anymore
I got a call last night from my friend who has a drinking problem. I guess I should say that I got a call this morning...at 1:30am. She had just left a bar, had gotten herself in a bad situation with a guy and was driving around, lost and crying. There was absolutely nothing I could do, becuase she didn't know where she was and I could hardly understand her. She was at a hotel parking lot. I asked her why she wasn't going in to get directions and she said it was becuase she looked like crap from crying. I told her she had two choiced: either go in and ask for directions or stay lost. She sadi she would go in and get directions back to the highway and then she would call me back. She called me back twice and I told her I was worried about her. She said she was crying and all she wanted to do was go home. She yelled at me at one point, not really yelling at me, just saying that all she wanted was to go home.
I cannot take this anymore. I really can't. I hate watching her do this to herself and I can't handle being this person anymore. She apologized, kind of, today when she called, but then she wanted me to go out with her becuase she was bored.
I spoke with my counselor about this last week, and she convinced me to say something to her. I am so scared of how she is going to take it though. I am going to tell her that I am concerned about her and her drinking. I am afraid that this whole thing will just be not worth it. The last time I confronted people about their substance abuse was when I confronted my parents about their drug use. That blew up in my face and turned out horribly and I got no where. I am afraid of that happening again. I am afraid of a lot of things with having this conversation, but I know I have to have it. I know I can't have myself in this position any more.
I guess I am just using this post to get things out and reassure myself that I need to do something.
I cannot take this anymore. I really can't. I hate watching her do this to herself and I can't handle being this person anymore. She apologized, kind of, today when she called, but then she wanted me to go out with her becuase she was bored.
I spoke with my counselor about this last week, and she convinced me to say something to her. I am so scared of how she is going to take it though. I am going to tell her that I am concerned about her and her drinking. I am afraid that this whole thing will just be not worth it. The last time I confronted people about their substance abuse was when I confronted my parents about their drug use. That blew up in my face and turned out horribly and I got no where. I am afraid of that happening again. I am afraid of a lot of things with having this conversation, but I know I have to have it. I know I can't have myself in this position any more.
I guess I am just using this post to get things out and reassure myself that I need to do something.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
hi katie 
you sound like you really care about your friend, and i think telling her about how you feel is the best, most helpful thing you can do for her right now. you're right, she probably won't like it, she might even be mad at you or hate you for a period of time, but it doesn't sound like your friendship with her is all that great right now, anyway. getting it all out in the open might open her eyes a little bit, even if only for a few minutes every once in awhile when she thinks about you. at least it'll now be in her head - somewhere!
keep us posted on what happens with her
you sound like you really care about your friend, and i think telling her about how you feel is the best, most helpful thing you can do for her right now. you're right, she probably won't like it, she might even be mad at you or hate you for a period of time, but it doesn't sound like your friendship with her is all that great right now, anyway. getting it all out in the open might open her eyes a little bit, even if only for a few minutes every once in awhile when she thinks about you. at least it'll now be in her head - somewhere!
keep us posted on what happens with her
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
I'm with the others, Katie.
What's the worst that could happen? She'll get mad and not call you at 1:30 in the morning. Although, I doubt that. Alcoholics know who to turn to for help and until you stop taking her calls, she'll keep calling.
What's the best that could happen? She'll get help!
You sound like a great friend! You'll make the right choice!
What's the worst that could happen? She'll get mad and not call you at 1:30 in the morning. Although, I doubt that. Alcoholics know who to turn to for help and until you stop taking her calls, she'll keep calling.
What's the best that could happen? She'll get help!
You sound like a great friend! You'll make the right choice!
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
we had a friend like that too. we were at a concert with her and she got wasted. there was a slimy guy there that she left with. when she walked out of that bar with him, we made a decision to step out of it. we told her the truth and quit taking her calls. she is still drinking, and drunk dials us every once in awhile. we had to walk away, we could not help her.
blessings, and i'll pray for your friend when i pray for mine...which is often.
k
blessings, and i'll pray for your friend when i pray for mine...which is often.
k
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think it only blows up in your face if you speak to them with an expectation in mind. The point may not be to change them, it may be to make your feelings and participation in it made clear. You are a friend, not a hot line. Friendships go two ways. I would speak my piece to purge your own heart and make your own desires for your own life clear. You need a friend and she is not being one.
I think you should set some boundaries with her. She has made one bad judgement after the next and then calls you? To do what? I'd be getting sick of it too. I thinlk your councelor may encourage you to tel her how you feel as a means of taking back some power for yourself.
I think you should set some boundaries with her. She has made one bad judgement after the next and then calls you? To do what? I'd be getting sick of it too. I thinlk your councelor may encourage you to tel her how you feel as a means of taking back some power for yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Mallow took the words right out of my mouth ... or should I say, my keyboard. Toby Rice Drews addresses this in her book, "Getting Them Sober." Tell your friend one time and one time only about how her drinking affects you, what she does, etc. The author outlines in just a few pages how to tell the addict what's on your mind. Then leave it alone. I'd suggest you get a copy of the book. It really helped me.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Thank you all. Everything you said really helped me. I am definitely going to have this conversation with her. The major problem I see is trying to find a time when she is sober. There are other things to consider as well...
She would probably consider me her best friend. Which is good, becuase maybe that means she will take what I say to heart. But I also know that becuase of that, she might take this to mean something it doesn't, get mad at me and then be alone. We have another girlfriend, one I am closer to than she is (let's call her CM) and I have a feeling that my friend (CE) will turn to her for the same thing she is turning to me for. CM will not do the same things or be there for her in the same way that I am, so this will in turn make CE feel more alone. I know I am thinking too much about this, but it's what I do, lol.
I am afraid of something else too, and this may sound a little silly, but I am afraid of coming across as judgemental. I know this is a stupid reason not to do this, which is why I am going to do it anyway, but it is a valid fear. Becuase of my parents drug use, I can come off as "uptight" sometimes to people who have no problem with recreational drug use. And becuase I don't agree with that, I feel like I can come off as judgemental. And that is the last thing I want to be.
*sigh* yet another thing I am thinking about is the fact that I drink. I am not an alcoholic, I don't have a drinking problem, but I do drink. And I drink with CE. So I am really afraid she is going to throw that in my face. Every time we go out though, she drinks so much, and I don't drink anywhere near that amount. I drink on the weekends, sometimes, and don't usually get drunk. I don't want to have to explain myself to her or look like a hypocrite.
This is going to suck. But I have to do it, becuase I don't know who else will, and I care about her too much not to do this.
She would probably consider me her best friend. Which is good, becuase maybe that means she will take what I say to heart. But I also know that becuase of that, she might take this to mean something it doesn't, get mad at me and then be alone. We have another girlfriend, one I am closer to than she is (let's call her CM) and I have a feeling that my friend (CE) will turn to her for the same thing she is turning to me for. CM will not do the same things or be there for her in the same way that I am, so this will in turn make CE feel more alone. I know I am thinking too much about this, but it's what I do, lol.
I am afraid of something else too, and this may sound a little silly, but I am afraid of coming across as judgemental. I know this is a stupid reason not to do this, which is why I am going to do it anyway, but it is a valid fear. Becuase of my parents drug use, I can come off as "uptight" sometimes to people who have no problem with recreational drug use. And becuase I don't agree with that, I feel like I can come off as judgemental. And that is the last thing I want to be.
*sigh* yet another thing I am thinking about is the fact that I drink. I am not an alcoholic, I don't have a drinking problem, but I do drink. And I drink with CE. So I am really afraid she is going to throw that in my face. Every time we go out though, she drinks so much, and I don't drink anywhere near that amount. I drink on the weekends, sometimes, and don't usually get drunk. I don't want to have to explain myself to her or look like a hypocrite.
This is going to suck. But I have to do it, becuase I don't know who else will, and I care about her too much not to do this.
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