New to this...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: San Antonio,TX
Posts: 2
New to this...
Hi all,
I'm new to this so not really sure how it all works. My dad is an alcoholic at the age of 56, and apparently has been for my entire life. As of about 2 years ago, I'm finally realizing it. A couple of major events have occurred which brought me to my senses. He comes from a very religious family and therefore at dinners with them he always drank tea, or coke etc. But at home, I can remember him drinking a couple of beers every single night; used to send me for them from the refrigerator as a matter of fact. He has a horrible temper and was very abusive towards my older brother and myself. After the latest scare, I thought surely it was enough to make him realize that he needs help. I have tried to remain positive about it and not just assume that he was drinking again, but as of 2 nights ago, its clear that he has not stopped. Unfortunately, I feel like its my responsibility to correct him, or push him to correct himself. Of my other two siblings, I have always been considered the responsible one. I do not live close enough to him to check in all the time and dont think that i should have to do that. I feel like a babysitter, so probably a good thing that I dont live that close. On the other hand, feel like it will be my fault if I don't do something now! Does anyone have any advice?
I'm new to this so not really sure how it all works. My dad is an alcoholic at the age of 56, and apparently has been for my entire life. As of about 2 years ago, I'm finally realizing it. A couple of major events have occurred which brought me to my senses. He comes from a very religious family and therefore at dinners with them he always drank tea, or coke etc. But at home, I can remember him drinking a couple of beers every single night; used to send me for them from the refrigerator as a matter of fact. He has a horrible temper and was very abusive towards my older brother and myself. After the latest scare, I thought surely it was enough to make him realize that he needs help. I have tried to remain positive about it and not just assume that he was drinking again, but as of 2 nights ago, its clear that he has not stopped. Unfortunately, I feel like its my responsibility to correct him, or push him to correct himself. Of my other two siblings, I have always been considered the responsible one. I do not live close enough to him to check in all the time and dont think that i should have to do that. I feel like a babysitter, so probably a good thing that I dont live that close. On the other hand, feel like it will be my fault if I don't do something now! Does anyone have any advice?
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Is your mother alive? You don't mention anything about a wife or mother, so I'm wondering if your dad lives alone. I'm glad you found us, and hope we can be of some help. I just want to bring to your attention the stickies at the top of this forum. They have a great deal of information about alcoholism. Please read them when you have the time.
As far as your dad goes, it is NOT your fault in any way if he chooses to drink. He's an adult, he made the choice, and he will have to suffer the consequences. You mentioned that after the "latest scare" you thought it would be enough to get him to seek help. Can you explain what happened that made you think he might get a wake-up call and seek help?
This is the part that stinks about alcoholism ... you cannot cure it, you cannot control it, and (regardless of who your dad may blame for his drinking), you did not cause it. Have you considered looking into Al-anon? It sounds as if you had the burden of having a great deal of responsibility thrust on you at a young age. It's great to be responsible for ourselves, but we don't have to be responsible for other people's choices.
As I said, I'd like to know what exactly happened to your dad that made you think he might decide to seek help.
As far as your dad goes, it is NOT your fault in any way if he chooses to drink. He's an adult, he made the choice, and he will have to suffer the consequences. You mentioned that after the "latest scare" you thought it would be enough to get him to seek help. Can you explain what happened that made you think he might get a wake-up call and seek help?
This is the part that stinks about alcoholism ... you cannot cure it, you cannot control it, and (regardless of who your dad may blame for his drinking), you did not cause it. Have you considered looking into Al-anon? It sounds as if you had the burden of having a great deal of responsibility thrust on you at a young age. It's great to be responsible for ourselves, but we don't have to be responsible for other people's choices.
As I said, I'd like to know what exactly happened to your dad that made you think he might decide to seek help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome, cruelgirl, glad you're here!
Something extremely helpful for me has been Al-Anon. Here is the link for your area: http://www.san-antonio-alanon.org/
It's recommended trying 6 meetings to see if it's for you or not.
Read the stickys at the top of the forum. And keep posting! You will find lots of great advice and support here.
Something extremely helpful for me has been Al-Anon. Here is the link for your area: http://www.san-antonio-alanon.org/
It's recommended trying 6 meetings to see if it's for you or not.
Read the stickys at the top of the forum. And keep posting! You will find lots of great advice and support here.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hey Cruelgirl,,,WELCOME to SR,,
One of the first things I heard when I began to seek help dealing with my A (alcoholic) was the 3 c's
You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Cure it
What you CAN do, is take care of YOU!!!
It must be a lot of pressure to set the example for your siblings. Aks yourself, what kind of example you want that to be when it comes to your Dad?
Keep reading, keep posting and keep reaching out for help!
Peace
One of the first things I heard when I began to seek help dealing with my A (alcoholic) was the 3 c's
You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Cure it
What you CAN do, is take care of YOU!!!
It must be a lot of pressure to set the example for your siblings. Aks yourself, what kind of example you want that to be when it comes to your Dad?
Keep reading, keep posting and keep reaching out for help!
Peace
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR!
As Denny stated about Al-Anon it maybe worth checking out-
I also have gone to AA meetings with my brother to just sit and absorb the other end which I also found to be of comfort. Do what you feel comfortable with-
(((Hugs)))) I lost my father when he was 65 to his A disease-and almost my brother when he was 40. There is nothing that you can do but do for yourself it is not your fault and seeking this board is the first step knowing there is a problem so that is a great start! Read the stickies, keep posting we are all here with all different experience to help support you-your not alone! Glad you are here
As Denny stated about Al-Anon it maybe worth checking out-
I also have gone to AA meetings with my brother to just sit and absorb the other end which I also found to be of comfort. Do what you feel comfortable with-
(((Hugs)))) I lost my father when he was 65 to his A disease-and almost my brother when he was 40. There is nothing that you can do but do for yourself it is not your fault and seeking this board is the first step knowing there is a problem so that is a great start! Read the stickies, keep posting we are all here with all different experience to help support you-your not alone! Glad you are here
Last edited by Rella927; 06-07-2007 at 06:28 AM. Reason: Spelling
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
Welcome to SR... You have find the best place on earth for support, in my opinion. Take it from someone who lost her father to alcoholism when he was 50, nothing u do can stop him from drinking, he has to want to stop... I know the need to try to take care of someone and feel responsible for them but the only one u can change is u. Learn all u can on this, go to the library, order books, read online articles. It does help to realize that his drinking is totally out of your control. Take care of u!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I agree with Parentcovers, and yes, welcome. Coming here has beeen a tremendous sounding board for me. The people here all have experience at every degree of alcohoism. Getting some counceling will give you confidence that what you are doing or not doing is agreeable to someone who has studied every aspect of this disease. It goes against our sensabilities to do nothing but with knowledge it does make sense.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Hi and welcome! I'm new here, too, and not in a great position to give advice, but being married to an alcoholic, I've observed how he manipulates the kids into feeling guilty about his behavior. He has turned things so that they feel the adult responsibility towards him. Please don't hold yourself responsible for any of his behaviors. If I've said it once, I've said it a billion times to my kids...he doesn't drink because of you, he doesn't drink because of me. He drinks because of him.
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