aztchr

How do you relate to negative people when you have to work together? Is it best to say nothing at all?

I was at a teaching workshop today and will be for 3 more days. A few of my colleagues were criticizing things here and there throughout the day.
I found myself trying to counter negativity and they just want to stay in that mindset. Then I felt as if I should just stay quiet.

I'm at a different place mentally and emotionally now and truly see the positives that get overlooked. Sometimes I get uncomfortable about being so happy and peaceful around people who don't share the feelings. It's not quite a feeling of guilt, but the new me is still kept under wraps sometimes. I see how the negative people react to other positive people and their comments are pretty sad. I guess I'm still trying to find my place among others. Maybe I just need more support and courage to not care what they think or say about others. I'm living my life and have the credentials just like they do and then some.

Feedback welcome!! I'm in a reflective mode now that I'm back in school for a few days this week.

prodigal

My last boss was a negative person. Why? Because she had a tendency to talk behind people's backs and complain about something they said or did that she didn't like. She did the same thing to me. Talked behind my back, made snide comments, tried her darndest to engage me in an argument. She was quite the drama queen, and an overall negative influence, period.

I ignored her attempts, treated her with professional courtesy, and made it a point not to get drawn into personal conversations with her. In an organization of over 300 people, only two folks knew what I thought of her, and they had tighter lips than me. She knew little of my personal life; however, in hindsight I wish she had known nothing about me other than what went on professionally in the office.

Negative people? Smile and be pleasant. It drives them nuts. And I think you should just remain silent, block them out to the best of your abilities, and let them bellyache.

aztchr

Thanks, Prodigal! I'll do my best.

I'm just so passionate about teaching and it's a test to my own progress to not jump in and offer unwanted suggestions. It's so disheartening to me that that some people just start their day that way. Many are only taking these workshops for the compensation later.

I think some people just want to hear themselves complain and want others to join in with them. I'm really going to work on not listening and keeping the drama out of my head. I'll have enough of my own new stuff come August. I'm sure the changes I have received were sent to me for this specific reason. Time to reach out only to those who are receptive.

I'll keep my positive energy up with the new teachers who want the help.
Tomorrow's a new chance to do just that, and it will be here soon enough.

Have a good night!

Spiritual Seeker

I was friends with a co-worker and as I changed I noticed she spent a lot of time gossiping and being negative so I had to distance myself cause I no longer wanted to get caught up in that energy. My mom is quite negative. I just stay positive and don't allow myself to get caught in her loop. I have even told her that it is hard to be around her bec. of it so she is trying to be more pos. when talking with me. I think we just decide to live our life with the glass half full and don't allow ourselves to get swept into the neg, energy of others. With practice it bec. habitual.

hope3

Hi aztchr, I am a teaching assistant, and continuing my education.

before that I was a job coach for 7 years with the same school for the school

to work program...I to am a positive person and solution finder. So when negative

people talk, I don't listen, or try not to any way....Positive is the way to go...

good for you..hope3

aztchr

Thanks, Hope!

Today one of the newer teachers found me and asked if I was going to continue
coming to the new teacher seminars in August. She thanked me for sharing ideas and was happy when I told her I'd be there. All the more reason to let go of the negatives!

leenymclaugh

I think that negative people are just that -- negative. I used to think, prior to Al-Anon, that I MUST have done SOMETHING to make them that way (ya, like I have the power of God to "make" someone act in any way, shape or form, right?). Now I've come to realize that the negativity they emote is exactly what they feel inside -- i.e. if I'm feeling pissy, the world is a pissy place; if I'm feeling good or great, the world is a good/great place. I have a friend who used to live w/us as our nanny -- she's completely miserable on the inside, and she shows it every day on the outside -- she's completely negative because she's not happy. She hasn't yet realized that happiness is an inside job. As long as I remember this, negative people don't much bother me; I don't put the focus on them -- I keep it on me. I've learned not to let other people be my mental barometer. I just keep doing what I'm learning in Al-Anon and let others do as they choose, because I know I have no control over them. And, sometimes......a little happiness can spread a long way, so I'll just keep being happy (or as much as I can I'll be happy).

aztchr

I'm so thankful for the power of choice! I'm true to myself and now that I've been through the experience that led me here, I'm so much more aware of what I don't want to choose again!

hope3

Amen to that!

hope3

SaTiT

I had the same problem at work. It's a bit touch..I'm okay by myself
most of the time, but man..some people are just way out there.
Like i said..I'm scare of normal people..lol

I think we start noticing stuff like that when we get well or we're changing.
That's why it's good to go to F2F meetings sometimes..to build up tolerance.lol
But at least people at meetings have tools and are trying to get well.
Co-workers or people outside of recovery..most of them are dysfunctional
like we were. So when you think about it just a little bit..
I just treat them like they're sick people...
Some of them open up to me or after I really get to know them..
They have a lot of problems and are barley haning on.
While I'll keep my anonymity..i don't give them advice,
Most of the time..they just needed someone to listen to them.

But i have to always be careful and still remeber I'm a codi and I can't
save them. And bacially apply my program as i would do with my GF.
So there's a bounary that I'll apply to my co-workers and friends.

it's wierd sometime..most of my closest clients or sales people
We butt heads at first...like super hard, but once we get past
that we become like best friends. It's a relationship and i trust
them and they trust me. I have to learn how to trust people
once i sign my name on a the dotted lines..I'm depending on them
to come through..but sometimes sheit happens so i have to bite
the bullet and deliver the news to the higher ups..and it aint pretty sometimes.
but i do screen out a lot of sales people that'll tell me liners and bs..
it's wierd when i get millionairs calling me up just to have chat with me
and tell me about thier personal problems..it truns into that from a bussiness call.
I have another close freind at home that's a millionair...but he has
so many problems..I look care of him when he was a teenager.
He's bascially an acoa, but he's not ready for recvoery yet.

I guess we just have to remember we're all just humans.

Grasshopper

live and let live,and acceptance,is what i try to do.I also try to remember where i came from.I wasnt always positive,happy,for many years.It wasnt until i came to recovery,that i learned a new way to live,and think.
Pray for those good folks,is all anyone can do.

denny57

I noticed there was a period of time where I started really hearing how negative many people could be. I think it was because I had done it, too, and didn't realize it. It's possible many people are like that. I find if I acknowledge what someone is negative about, then turn it into something positive, the other person usually does the same. Like breaking a habit or something. Of course, some people are just negative - nothing I can do about that LOL.

Astro

I have a boss who always sighs, stomps his feet, complains, whines about lack of business, never enough money coming in, etc. Seems like his cup is always half empty.

I handle it by laughing at him at times, kidding him about his misery, making light of the fact that we're always growing. When I start to engage in the self-defeating behavior my day gets bad really fast.

I also try to remember that in early sobriety I wasn't much different, misery was my middle name. Woe is me. Through it all I had a steady, secure job, and a regular paycheck. A little gratitude goes a long way towards chasing the negative attitude away.

PS: Thanks for being a caring teacher. Good to know my children and others have people who are genuinely concerned about their education;-)

minnie

I live in one of THE most negative societies in world. The sense of cynicism is immense, and there seems to be a sense of "Here's why we can't do this" to every suggestion or opportunity. If you couple that with the vapid celebrity culture that I know is strong in the US, you might understand why I find it quite hard to live here most of the time.

How do I deal with it? I'm not sure. I try and counteract its influence by keeping in contact with my healthy buddies from accross the Pond. Next task on my recovery list is to find that kind of company in my day to day life.

Although, "Really?" is a big part of my vocab when I hear the dramatic moaning and groaning around me. That shuts them up pretty quick, because "really" it's not like they are describing.

CE Girl

You know, in my line of work, I'm faced with negativity EVERY day. I'd be out of a job if people didn't complain. So for me, it's job security,,,he,he,he

I'm a firm believer in you reflect externally, what you ARE internally people can't help but respond. I got a great smile, and I use it to my FULL advantage. I'm also warm, caring and geniunely interested in my fellow human being. And here's where my "codie" tendancy's tend to come in positively. I am a people pleaser and giving person in the HEALTHY sense.

Oftentimes, what started out as a negtive encounter, turns positive, when i tell em to stop being so gloomy, they look like a BIG DOPE . For me, its a challenge to see if I can "turn them around" and at least make sure they have one ~bright~ encounter to their day. It also helps me stay positive and upbeat

Oh, and Astro, NICE and smooth, using something you found out about Aztchr to schmooze,,,,lol

Peace

Astro

Busted. But hey, I'm a people-pleaser too. Lol

aztchr