How to Pray
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
How to Pray
I have found that the words I use when I pray have a powerful effect on my thinking. If I pray for the health prosperity and hapinness of someone I resent, the resentment goes away after a while.
But I need some words to help me with my co-dependent problem. I still care very mych for my ex ABF. I see him daily at work and I know if he is home or not since he lives down the road.
He is drinking. He drinks even if I need him. He drinks no matter how much I care or love him. I think if I asked him not to drink because I was in hospital and the children were alone, he would still drink.
I am a solo mother and he is fond, very fond of my son in particular. He took him to school camp last month and didn't drink for a week. So I really don't understand at all.
Sometimes things get very hard and I would like him to be a friend.
He cant. He is almost always drinking nowdays. I even see signs that he is ready to ask for help. But he hasn't yet. I get angry and frustrated suffering on my own. Knowing he has the shoulder I want to cry on. I get cross and he leaves and drinks. The cycle is near the end I think.
I don't want to keep this resentment and I am praying for his health prosperity and happiness. I resent that I am neglected and suffering through early recovery. I can't believe anyone would have such a cold heart. He is not that person. He is acting differently than who he is. He is warm and caring inside somewhere. Underneath the booze.
The parying thing isn't working with him though.
I need some words when I pray to take away my "wish" that it was all different. I want the truth not the wish to guide me. My fantasy that he will see my pain, put down the drink and come to be my friend is so hard to let go. How do I ask for God's help?
But I need some words to help me with my co-dependent problem. I still care very mych for my ex ABF. I see him daily at work and I know if he is home or not since he lives down the road.
He is drinking. He drinks even if I need him. He drinks no matter how much I care or love him. I think if I asked him not to drink because I was in hospital and the children were alone, he would still drink.
I am a solo mother and he is fond, very fond of my son in particular. He took him to school camp last month and didn't drink for a week. So I really don't understand at all.
Sometimes things get very hard and I would like him to be a friend.
He cant. He is almost always drinking nowdays. I even see signs that he is ready to ask for help. But he hasn't yet. I get angry and frustrated suffering on my own. Knowing he has the shoulder I want to cry on. I get cross and he leaves and drinks. The cycle is near the end I think.
I don't want to keep this resentment and I am praying for his health prosperity and happiness. I resent that I am neglected and suffering through early recovery. I can't believe anyone would have such a cold heart. He is not that person. He is acting differently than who he is. He is warm and caring inside somewhere. Underneath the booze.
The parying thing isn't working with him though.
I need some words when I pray to take away my "wish" that it was all different. I want the truth not the wish to guide me. My fantasy that he will see my pain, put down the drink and come to be my friend is so hard to let go. How do I ask for God's help?
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
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Know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
From your post, I assume you are a Christian. The truth of the situation appears to be that this man is addicted. He isn't yet ready to surrender his addiction. You want him to recognize and acknowledge your pain, stop drinking, and become the friend you believe he has the potential to be. You mention that this is your "fantasy." Offer him up in prayer, but do so for him, not for you. I can understand you want him to be the person YOU believe he can be, but it's up to HIM to own up to his addiction. For him to be the man you wish he would be needs to be the desire that comes from his heart. And that, in my opinion, is between him and God.
From your post, I assume you are a Christian. The truth of the situation appears to be that this man is addicted. He isn't yet ready to surrender his addiction. You want him to recognize and acknowledge your pain, stop drinking, and become the friend you believe he has the potential to be. You mention that this is your "fantasy." Offer him up in prayer, but do so for him, not for you. I can understand you want him to be the person YOU believe he can be, but it's up to HIM to own up to his addiction. For him to be the man you wish he would be needs to be the desire that comes from his heart. And that, in my opinion, is between him and God.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi,you say--i need some words when i pray to take away my wish that it was all different.
The words i use in prayer are---let Your will Be done,dear Lord,never mine.
This really helps me.
The words i use in prayer are---let Your will Be done,dear Lord,never mine.
This really helps me.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi steph, as you know I am not religious but as I found praying helped during the last (and worst ever) withdrawals I decided to carry on and not question it. I find it still helps sometimes and maybe it can help me find this HP they all talk about in AA, who knows.
I spoke to a friend about it and here is what he said, I think it applies to you because you are a 'double-winner' (both an A and friend of an A).
'the only thing I ask for is that I be granted what is needed for me to do what my HP would like me to do that day, no more, no less. In the evening I thank him for another day sober and what ever else came my way that day.'
I spoke to a friend about it and here is what he said, I think it applies to you because you are a 'double-winner' (both an A and friend of an A).
'the only thing I ask for is that I be granted what is needed for me to do what my HP would like me to do that day, no more, no less. In the evening I thank him for another day sober and what ever else came my way that day.'
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
I pray for my heart and mind to line up with what God wants for me. I also pray that I will be aware of things that I need to change about myself.
Alot of times I find that I must repeat those same prayers for the person I have a resentment against. It's kind of like shampooing my hair..."Rinse and Repeat."
When an old resentment or a new one pops up, I end up doing exactly what you do, Pilgrim. I sometimes feel bad that I need to forgive all over now and again, but over time in some situations I have found it to be less frequent.
Alot of times I find that I must repeat those same prayers for the person I have a resentment against. It's kind of like shampooing my hair..."Rinse and Repeat."
When an old resentment or a new one pops up, I end up doing exactly what you do, Pilgrim. I sometimes feel bad that I need to forgive all over now and again, but over time in some situations I have found it to be less frequent.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I can't petition God. That's not what prayer is for. I was praying for my will, not His.
This was SOOO hard for me to comprehend at first. But after some recovery, and practice, I have gotten to the point where I pray like this:
Morning - Ask for knowledge of Gods will, and the power to carry that out. 1st, 2nd and 3rd step prayer, 7th step prayer.
During the day - Serenity prayer as needed. In a tricky situation, I ask God to walk in before me.
Night - Thank You. Sometimes that's all it is, just Thank You. But usually I outline what I'm grateful for.
Also, there's a great example in the Big Big Book on how to pray. "Pray like this, Our Father......."
This was SOOO hard for me to comprehend at first. But after some recovery, and practice, I have gotten to the point where I pray like this:
Morning - Ask for knowledge of Gods will, and the power to carry that out. 1st, 2nd and 3rd step prayer, 7th step prayer.
During the day - Serenity prayer as needed. In a tricky situation, I ask God to walk in before me.
Night - Thank You. Sometimes that's all it is, just Thank You. But usually I outline what I'm grateful for.
Also, there's a great example in the Big Big Book on how to pray. "Pray like this, Our Father......."
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