Brand new here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Brand new here
Hi everyone ~ I'm brand new here and already feeling better having read your posts. It helps knowing I'm not alone!
When I met my AH, I knew he drank some and smoked a little pot, but having been a teen in the 70's, I didn't think it was a big deal.
After we married and had kids, I realized how wrong I'd been. My life became about protecting my kids and trying to keep him from getting mad. I couldn't afford shoes for my kids, but he had pot and beer or there'd be hell to pay. (Don't let any one tell you pot is harmless and non addictive!) I became accustomed to walking on eggshells, but convinced myself things weren't that bad, because after a drunken/drugged rampage, I got an extended honeymoon period. And I learned every trick in the book to hide things from my kids. Luckily he usually came home so stoned and drunk that he went right to bed most nights.
Later on he developed severe anxiety and panic attacks, coupled with severe depression. Of course I couldn't suggest that his drug and alcohol use wasn't helping him, or he'd get mad. Eventually his doctor told him he had a chemical imbalance and put him on Zoloft and a tranquilizer. He stopped the Zoloft after a few months (he claimed he was better) but kept popping the pills like candy.
We had a lot of rough times over the past year, and I could see him slipping further and further away from reality. He left a couple months ago, wanting a divorce.
Now he sees the kids once a week for a littlle while. I can tell that's becoming a chore, too. I suspect he's doing harder drugs as he's become skinny and is angrier and more out of touch with reality than ever.
And despite all that, I still blame myself! If I hadn't stood up to him, If I hadn't yelled, if I had done more...yikes. My mind knows it's not my fault...why can't my heart get it???
But at least I feel in control of my life for the first time in years. true, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but at least I know I can handle it myself.
Thanks for listening!
When I met my AH, I knew he drank some and smoked a little pot, but having been a teen in the 70's, I didn't think it was a big deal.
After we married and had kids, I realized how wrong I'd been. My life became about protecting my kids and trying to keep him from getting mad. I couldn't afford shoes for my kids, but he had pot and beer or there'd be hell to pay. (Don't let any one tell you pot is harmless and non addictive!) I became accustomed to walking on eggshells, but convinced myself things weren't that bad, because after a drunken/drugged rampage, I got an extended honeymoon period. And I learned every trick in the book to hide things from my kids. Luckily he usually came home so stoned and drunk that he went right to bed most nights.
Later on he developed severe anxiety and panic attacks, coupled with severe depression. Of course I couldn't suggest that his drug and alcohol use wasn't helping him, or he'd get mad. Eventually his doctor told him he had a chemical imbalance and put him on Zoloft and a tranquilizer. He stopped the Zoloft after a few months (he claimed he was better) but kept popping the pills like candy.
We had a lot of rough times over the past year, and I could see him slipping further and further away from reality. He left a couple months ago, wanting a divorce.
Now he sees the kids once a week for a littlle while. I can tell that's becoming a chore, too. I suspect he's doing harder drugs as he's become skinny and is angrier and more out of touch with reality than ever.
And despite all that, I still blame myself! If I hadn't stood up to him, If I hadn't yelled, if I had done more...yikes. My mind knows it's not my fault...why can't my heart get it???
But at least I feel in control of my life for the first time in years. true, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but at least I know I can handle it myself.
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. My addict is my 21 year old daughter. Sounds like you know that you can't save your husband. Now you need to let go of the guilt. Sounds easy, but I know it is hard. Post all you want, read all you want. You will find lots of good people here who have been or are where you are and will be happy to share their experiences with you. You will find that you can't help but take some good things away with you. Hugs, Marle
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, pull up a chair, lots of great people here who will offer support and insight.
Guilt is a self emposed emotion. He is responsible for his actions, not you. It is his problem, not yours.
There was nothing you could have done that would have stopped him from his decent into hell.
Take care of you, your children, he is on his own.
Guilt is a self emposed emotion. He is responsible for his actions, not you. It is his problem, not yours.
There was nothing you could have done that would have stopped him from his decent into hell.
Take care of you, your children, he is on his own.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Hey Jude! Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Just wanted to welcome you to sr. You've come to a great place for support.
I'm Linda and the addict in my life is my 25 yo son.
So sorry for the circumstances that led you here.
Keep comin' back and start taking care of you. That's what we're all here for.
To learn how to let go, and let God look out for our addicts and learn how to take care of ourselves.
Sending prayers up for you, your children, and your ah.
It will get better. Stick with it.
Just wanted to welcome you to sr. You've come to a great place for support.
I'm Linda and the addict in my life is my 25 yo son.
So sorry for the circumstances that led you here.
Keep comin' back and start taking care of you. That's what we're all here for.
To learn how to let go, and let God look out for our addicts and learn how to take care of ourselves.
Sending prayers up for you, your children, and your ah.
It will get better. Stick with it.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Welcome to SR. My mother is the addict in my life. It took me a long time to understand these following words of wisdom, I still have to remind myself of them often. They are SO helpful and I think they may help you as well.
YOU did not cause it
YOU cannot cure it
YOU cannot control it.
And despite all that, I still blame myself! If I hadn't stood up to him, If I hadn't yelled, if I had done more...yikes. My mind knows it's not my fault...why can't my heart get it???
YOU did not cause it
YOU cannot cure it
YOU cannot control it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Powder Springs, GA
Posts: 31
Glad you're here and thanks for sharing your story. It does get better. Just keep going to meetings and get yourself a support group of people with a lot of recovery!!
Keep posting and sharing!!
Keep posting and sharing!!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Welcome!
(Alera took the words out of my mouth!
The 3 C's
Please believe that there's NOTHING in this whole wide world that you could have ever done to cause your A to use drugs.
Do not take on the guilt of thinking that it is so, it's not.
Glad you're here to join us, we're a fun bunch....
Hugs to you,
and the kids,
(Alera took the words out of my mouth!
The 3 C's
Please believe that there's NOTHING in this whole wide world that you could have ever done to cause your A to use drugs.
Do not take on the guilt of thinking that it is so, it's not.
Glad you're here to join us, we're a fun bunch....
Hugs to you,
and the kids,
Last edited by mooselips; 05-27-2007 at 11:01 AM. Reason: Can't spell well on Sunday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Thanks to all of you! Reading your words of wisdom (not to mention experience!) is so encouraging. I'm going to be sure and reread all your posts whenever I have an attack of guilt.....they"ll help my perspective. I'm also adding the Three c's to my collection of "sanity checks"...The Serenity Prayer, Proverbs 3:5-6, and Phillipians 4:4-7.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Guinea,
Welcome to SR. You've found a new family here who understands what you're going through.
Please keep posting and reading. There is so much knowledge and wisdom here that can be beneficial to you as your join us on this journey.
Big hugs to you,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR. You've found a new family here who understands what you're going through.
Please keep posting and reading. There is so much knowledge and wisdom here that can be beneficial to you as your join us on this journey.
Big hugs to you,
Hangin' In
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