Elana

My XABF set up a photography business in his name as an S corp in NYS. At the time, he "promised to pay me back" and this was his "lifelong dream." I helped him financially and he set up the business in his name only. He then told me I was a "silent partner." I did not agree to this verbally or in writing and no one heard him say this but me.

In the ensuing years I paid for ads and he got work. He promised to pay me back and never did. yadda yadda yadda.. can you say the words Elana the Codie?

Anyway, due to my handling the finances, said business never was late paying a bill and so the business, in his name, garnered a good credit score. With the advent of digital and XABF's unwillingness to learn this new medium AND photshop, the business went into decline (I also don't think he has the sales charisma necessary to sell wedding photography to young brides, but that is just my opinion.. also his photos, while technically dead on, lack imagination and a personal touch, again my opinion).

Anyway, with him moving out and my discovery of his drugs habits and all of that I no longer have contact....

Until recently..
Apparently his forward on his address here expired (it only runs for 6 months). Last week I got what I believe where the final papers for the settling of his Mother's estate. I had been getting quite a bit of mail for his business right along (not all mail is forwarded.. bulk rate and 2nd class does not forward for the full 6 months, if ever).

I returned the Estate papers to the mail box unopened and sent email to his sister (she is the executor) suggesting such things be sent Certified mail, return receipt.

Yesterday I got mail for his business from a local paper. It did not have his name on it and I had no idea what it was (promotions sometimes come). Well... it was a bill for advertsing.

Since I had PREVIOUSLY paid this bill and no run date for the advertising was on it (it was a "Final Notice for Non payment!!) I called the paper and they said the ad ran in February 2007.. 5 months after he and I split.

I explained the situation to them and gave them his 'real address' and street address as well.. and his phone number... and did manage to protect my reputation with them. They had his account listed as care of me with my address!!!!!

I called him and left a voice mail message telling him to cease using my credibility for his gain and to cease using my address for any purpose whatsoever. I threatened nothing as I do not believe in empty threats and I am not sure he has done anything illegal (and to think he was "hurt" because I changed the locks and my credit care numbers and cancelled his credit card when he paid it off!).

I am to the point where this jerk could up and drop off the edge of the earth (wish it was flat right now and he was running toward the edge in a car with no brakes!!).

When he first moved out I was going to publish a legal notice stating I was no longer associated with him and was not responsible for his debts etc., but that notification is not legal and has no legal standing in New York.. it would have merely wasted money.

However, since I can do nothing to control him, what can I do to prevent him using my address and my credibility? Maybe I should just call all the places where I paid bills and tell them? Or should I send them all letters? I have thought about posting this question on a photo forum he frequents without naming him or his business.. just a general question.. which I know he will read.. That just sounds so manipulative and I want to be DIRECT.

He truly is the scum of the earth. He is, as usual, walking the line.. not exactly stealing my identity but somewhere in between.. this is his MO.

Jewelz

I am not sure what to say here.. maybe you should contact by phone and by mail that they shouldnt use your name, address or billing information when conducting business with your ex.

Ann

I think this post is all about recovery, Elana, and not off topic at all.

You left him a message so I wouldn't bother posting on a forum that he reads, he will either heed your request or not, just from your phone message and if he ignores it there you can be sure he will ignore your post on a site he frequents.

It sounds like you have yourself protected legally, so perhaps making out a form letter outlining that he alone is responsible for his debt and that you have legally separated and then send it back with any mail you receive. Perhaps also letting the post office know that his mail is coming to you and to not send anything more, might help.

Your side of the street is clean, I'd leave the rest of his mess for him to deal with.

Just my codie thoughts this beautiful Saturday morning

Hugs

teke

i agree with ann, maybe talk to you mail carrier, that might help. you've sent a voice mail, hopefully he gets the picture, i don't think he wants to continue to push your buttons, maybe he's learned a lesson about doing that. still praying for ya

cece1960

I like Ann's suggestions.
I have to admit, if this were happening to me I would be spinning from it...I admire your calm demeanor.
This, in time, will disappear, even though right now it seems never-ending.
Wishing you peace
((((hugs)))
Cece

rozied

Hi Elana, I also agree with Ann here.
You can tell the Post Office not to forward anymore mail. I think in my state they fwd for a yr. I lived in NY most of my life but now don't remember the laws concerning forwarding.
Have a great Sat & enjoy the day. It is too beautiful out to get yourself so wked up about your ex. IMHO hes not worth it.
Love & Hugs,
Diane

Elana

I agree. However, I am going to be a little more proactive. I know all the places I sent checks to and the stuff I paid for. I am going to send them all letters (a form letter but individual adresses.. you just do a merge document) and sign them. I kept a file of the old bills and all of that.. just accounting 101. That way, if my name is associated with the account for his business they will have something in writing saying that I am not associated or responsible.

In the case of the bill I got yesterday, the Company trying to get payment had him listed as Photographer but the billing listed under my name. That doesn't work for me. I think if I take a proactive stance they will likely thank me as they won't be extending credit to someone who has none and then expect payment from me when I have no legal obligation to pay.

I did not like the posting to a forum idea either but it was a thought. I am nto going to do that as it is just redundant.

He will mess with me as much as he can BTW. If he could ruin me he would because, in his mind, his ruin is because of me.

NONE of his difficulty is the result of him doing drugs, Cheating on me, losing his job because he repeatedly padded his time card, and not paying his bills. Pretty funny how much power I have isn't it? I do laugh at this.

BTW.. where in the world are you all with the Nice Day thing? It is rainy and pretty cool here... tho I did go for over two miles of walking...

Of course, every day in recovery is a bit sunny ain't it?

laurie6781

On every bit of mail that come for him, put a slash through the address, then in big letters write:

RETURN TO SENDER, NO LONGER AT THIS ADDRESS. Then drop it in an outgoing mail box.

Works great! Before to long you won't be getting any of his mail.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Elana

Of course, Laurie, I will do that too! LOL
but I will get the address and write to the company as well if it is one I have dealt with.

You see, I am a professional photographer now as well (he trained me and I have more creativity) and I do not want my professional connections loused up by this guy. So, I will CYA and send the stuff back.

Meanwhile, my new dog is doing beautifully. I am going to take her out and try for photos now.. but they will likely be of the snap shot variety... (need another person for a pro shot!).

Noah812

Elana - I have not read everythying everyone else has commented so if I repeat I appologise. Personally I have to ask you the questions, what would you do if he was not a drug addict???? What would you do if he was just some @ hole who was not a drug addict who had taken advantage of you, the opportuniy provided to him or your kindness? What would be so wrong with you protecting yourself? What harm will come of letting his creditors know the truth, what can it do to you or your business if you don't? I think that you have to ask yourself the question "why should you protect him over protecting yourself". You should do everything within your power to protect yourself! The good thing is he is in your past and will not be back to do you harm, dont let him. If he was some real POS that you dated, who was not an addict, would you hesitate doing the right thing for you? It is no diffrent now because he is an addict is not an excuse for his bad behavior. Don't allow it to harm you any further than it already has, you take care of you. IMHO that is what I think.

Elana

Thank you Noah. Your words are always direct and I most often agree with you. I wil take care of me.. you can bet on that. I am done providing for him and have been.

The direct route is the one that gets us there!