I'm dating my ex
Occasional poor taste poster
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I'm dating my ex
OK so most of you are new (to me) so a brief update.
M and I split up in Sep. of 04, divorced in Oct of 05. Basically I hit my bottom and wanted out of the marriage, she moved on to an enabling fellow active alcoholic and lived miserably short termed after. She got another DUI, lost her job, lost her kids.... he turned abusive...yada yada. She continued on to her bottom and it took almost two years.
Well a while back she left him, moved in with her Mom, got sober, got back to work and got back into her childrens lives..... we met for lunch a few weeks ago. Now we're dating, taking it very slow paced and one day at a time type of thing. Things are going well and I'm happy to be seeing her on a limited basis. I'm glad she survived her bottom and I hope she stays sober but know that it's out of my hands.
I'm doing well at not rescuing or care taking, she knows what she has to do and doesn't even ask for help, (that's different) and I'm not offering, (that's different too
). We are having some great conversations and some great times... just like in the old days. Her health is returning and I swear that woman must have nine lives!
Life is good
M and I split up in Sep. of 04, divorced in Oct of 05. Basically I hit my bottom and wanted out of the marriage, she moved on to an enabling fellow active alcoholic and lived miserably short termed after. She got another DUI, lost her job, lost her kids.... he turned abusive...yada yada. She continued on to her bottom and it took almost two years.
Well a while back she left him, moved in with her Mom, got sober, got back to work and got back into her childrens lives..... we met for lunch a few weeks ago. Now we're dating, taking it very slow paced and one day at a time type of thing. Things are going well and I'm happy to be seeing her on a limited basis. I'm glad she survived her bottom and I hope she stays sober but know that it's out of my hands.
I'm doing well at not rescuing or care taking, she knows what she has to do and doesn't even ask for help, (that's different) and I'm not offering, (that's different too
). We are having some great conversations and some great times... just like in the old days. Her health is returning and I swear that woman must have nine lives!Life is good
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Auckland, new Zealand
Posts: 93
???? My ex is trying to get back with me! I love him dearly, but he too has major issues that he has to do!. He says all the sayings
"I promise I will change"
"I am dealing with my problems"
"I cannot live with out you"
"I swear I will never hurt you"
"Life is so empty with out you"
"Please give me another chance"
So reading your post has made me think ... well maybe there is hope for him.
He has been an addict for at least 80% of his life, he has made changes already. But I am getting on with my life. In fact i thought that oneday we may meet again and we would have both grown up and got on with our own lives instead of being co-dependant!
Thanks for your post. SO glad your happy
take care
misslisa
"I promise I will change"
"I am dealing with my problems"
"I cannot live with out you"
"I swear I will never hurt you"
"Life is so empty with out you"
"Please give me another chance"
So reading your post has made me think ... well maybe there is hope for him.
He has been an addict for at least 80% of his life, he has made changes already. But I am getting on with my life. In fact i thought that oneday we may meet again and we would have both grown up and got on with our own lives instead of being co-dependant!
Thanks for your post. SO glad your happy
take care
misslisa
Occasional poor taste poster
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by misslisa 
So reading your post has made me think ... well maybe there is hope for him.
I don't consider this a happy ending, more like a stay of execution. Guarded optimism is what you would normally hear in this type of situation.
Get educated about addiction, read, read, get help, therapy, support groups.... the works.
Here's a favorite thread I post so often I'm sure people are sick of it but what the hey....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...light=ten+ways
I followed each step as though my sanity depended upon it. No matter what choices M makes in the future, I know what choices I am compelled to make.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hey, Jazz. Glad you dropped in to keep everyone updated. Nice to get a postcard every now and again.
I know you an M are in very different places than you were a few years ago. I also know that you have some of the best and firmest boundaries of anyone I know, although those always come a bit squishier when those we love are involved.
If I am right in interpreting what you say, this is very much an "in the moment" gig, rather than all based on hope and fantasy. And there is a very good lesson in there for all of us. It is not about what might be, the important thing is what is really happening and making our decisions accordingly.
You deserve to be happy - keep that thought close to your chest, hon.
Don't forget your SR buds!!
I know you an M are in very different places than you were a few years ago. I also know that you have some of the best and firmest boundaries of anyone I know, although those always come a bit squishier when those we love are involved.
If I am right in interpreting what you say, this is very much an "in the moment" gig, rather than all based on hope and fantasy. And there is a very good lesson in there for all of us. It is not about what might be, the important thing is what is really happening and making our decisions accordingly.
You deserve to be happy - keep that thought close to your chest, hon.
Don't forget your SR buds!!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Mr. Big and I reconciled after an abusive marriage, a divorce and THREE YEARS of weekly group counseling.
His commitment to change was very impressive. Our second marriage has not been without turmoil, but we learned some skills while separated, and MY attending Alanon has made recent years even better.
Glad you are going slow... best of luck!!
His commitment to change was very impressive. Our second marriage has not been without turmoil, but we learned some skills while separated, and MY attending Alanon has made recent years even better.
Glad you are going slow... best of luck!!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I'm doing well at not rescuing or care taking, she knows what she has to do and doesn't even ask for help, (that's different) and I'm not offering, (that's different too ).
If she is recovering as well as it sounds like she is, be brutally honest (with love) about anything she may say or do that may give you bad vibes and do the same for her if she tells you something you are doing that may not be giving her good vibes.
The thing you did with her is what my wife was ready to do with me, leave me to face my alcoholism head on by myself allowing me to hit my bottom. Luckly for me I did not step over the cliff into oblivion, but I was close enough to the edge to where I saw my death if I did not stop.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
Jazz - thanks so much for sharing this - it is nice to know a peaceful, sober reunion is not a complete impossibilty..
and Minnie - thank you for your words about this being "in the moment" and not being based on hope and fantasy. i am beginning to realize i was doing a lot of that....the beginnings of growth for me, i hope.
and Minnie - thank you for your words about this being "in the moment" and not being based on hope and fantasy. i am beginning to realize i was doing a lot of that....the beginnings of growth for me, i hope.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Wow Jazz!!! I am almost speechless!!!!! ME!!! You have no idea how little that actually happens - lol!
I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying this time of getting to know each other again - and both are continuing your recoveries. I wish you both the very best!
I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying this time of getting to know each other again - and both are continuing your recoveries. I wish you both the very best!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Hey Jazz, Haven't posted in a long time but could not pass your thread by.
I am so happy to hear that M is doing so much better. You two are a wonderful
example of what can happen when we step out of the alcoholics way....
Knowing you as I do I know that you are going into this with eyes wide open.
I am very happy for you...for the pair of you...give me a call sometime, I'd
love to catch up.....
I am so happy to hear that M is doing so much better. You two are a wonderful
example of what can happen when we step out of the alcoholics way....
Knowing you as I do I know that you are going into this with eyes wide open.
I am very happy for you...for the pair of you...give me a call sometime, I'd
love to catch up.....
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