Jen

I know I haven't posted in a while but.................I'm having a tough time with my exah. It's been 1 yr since our divorce and I had enough with the nonsense of him not paying, etc. I filed a contempt charge against him several months ago and we finally had a hearing today.

The hearing didn't go so well. My exah has been ordered to the county jail for 6 months beginning Monday morning at 8am. One would think I'd be happy about this, but I'm not. Had we gone to court 6-7 months ago when I filed these charges, yes, I'd be happy. However, I'm currently receiving child support and have been since February (not much but enough to help with the boys' expenses). Now that he's been sentenced to jail...........I lose $800/month plus my boys will have no health insurance has he won't be employed. I currently received CS from his unemployment benefits (luckily). He's a seasonal worker and is scheduled to go back to work any day now. This will do nothing but put me behind financially.

It seems as though they're making an example out of him and I do understand. I CANNOT believe I feel so bad for him going to jail. I guess it's because *I* will have to explain to my boys WHY their father is in jail and now I'm back to struggling financially w/out child support. Seems to defeat the purpose of the contempt charges.

I don't know................maybe it's my HP's way of showing me my exah needs to clean himself up and maybe jail will do that for him? Who knows?? All I know is that HE HAS TO BE READY.

I'm just sick over this situation and any words of advice, encouragement, etc I'd greatly appreciate!!! You are wonderful and have helped me through so much!!

Thanks!!!!

Jen

Wascally Wabbit

Hi Jen
My childrens father went to prison, and I had received only one check before it happened. He is in prison for life, and it is over 25 years later. It was so very hard at first, but we managed. Because of being a single mom, I took advantage of every opportunity the state offered and went to college. I had to do the food stamp and medicaid thing. There was absolutly no other family member, only me and the boys. It was so hard at times I wanted to die. But I made it and got better for it.
Medicaid is a God send for those without insurance for their children. They get the same medical care as anyone else. You might want to check in to it.

patchoulli

Hi Jen. I know this is overwhelming right now, I'm sorry. When my ex got hurt at work I realized that I would have to make a living and decided to go to school. Im an RN now, I went to school for free, I worked full time bringing in about $300 a week, and with the grants and scholarships, I actually made a few dollars. It might be the closing the door, opening the window thing...It can be whatever you want it to. Good luck..

teke

i agree with the others, you will make it through this. my ah went to jail for 2 yrs, i don't work and i had to do the medicade thing and any thing else the gov could offer me, i had a lot of kids to feed, we made it through and ended up being happier doing it, maybe its time for you to really put the focus on you now. still praying for ya

marle

Jen, Make sure that you apply for everything that you are entitled to. When I was young, my dad had a heart attack and my family had to go on welfare. At the time they did not tell my mom everything that we were entitled to, so we struggled. It did not have to be that way. Sending you some prayers that you find the help you need so that you and your children do not have to go without. Hugs, Marle

Jen

I do work FT and make "ok" money, enough to make ends meet but too much to get any financial assistance from anywhere.

I think it's a bit ridiculous as I took him back to court because he wasn't following the orders of the divorce (e.g. no health ins on the boys, not paying any outstanding debt, not signing the quitclaim deed to the house, etc). I just don't see how putting him in jail allows me to get what I was asking for.

Now, I'm losing money every month AND have more legal fees incurred. I could have left it alone and I would still, at least, be getting my child support (?). I was told by my atty they'd order him to seek employment and report back to court with documentation in an allotted time frame or else he'd probably face jail time.

Well, I guess I managed last year w/out any support so I'll manage now...somehow. I know God only gives us what we can handle

Jen

outonalimb

Aawww...Jen....

I'm just so sorry.

I just couldn't help but think...as I read your post... that your HP is at work in this situation. This outcome belongs to Him and He has a plan. You just can't see it right now. I know its hard to find comfort in this fact when you can't see where your HP is headed with all of this and thats where blind faith has to come in. Trust that your HP will provide you with everything you need and He will. He always does!

My gosh, girl...look at how incredibly strong you are. You are a superstar. You took action to save your boys from growing up around addiction...you are everything to them. Hold your head up Jen and give your boys a big old hug and just TRUST that your HP will provide you with a way to do what needs to be done.

I took my dog for a long walk today and I thought about the last 4 years of my life and I remembered the really low points where I felt like my HP had abandoned me. And yet, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see so clearly that my HP was leading me away from the darkness and into the light the whole time. My HP didn't answer my prayers in the way I wanted...thats true...but the answer HE came up with was much better than the one I had in mind.

You did the right thing by seeking the contempt charge. You were being a wise and strong mom to those kids to stand up and hold your exah accountable for his fatherly responsibilities. It may seem like it backfired but I have a funny feeling that this jail term was meant to happen. I really do.

I think the world of you and admire you like crazy.
You're an awesome mom. Please give those boys a big old hug and let them pamper and love you this mother's day weekend...You deserve it.

Lots of love...
And happy mother's day to an awesome, awesome mom.

Love ya,
Mary

Jen

Thanks everyone! I do think my HP has a plan and after I left the courtroom yesterday I couldn't think clearly. My atty told me we could file a "mittimus" if that's what I wanted to do. (I'm not exactly sure what that is, but I'm to call him Mon morning).

The more I think about it, the more I do believe my HP has plans beyond my comprehension of the situation. I just feel so strongly about my exah taking responsibility for his actions; addict or not. It's simply not fair to justify his behavior due to drug addiction. I take responsiblity for my actions, as many do.

On a good note: I bought myself a new (2004-new to me!) van last Saturday. Due to my *great* credit history with exah, I was not able to secure a loan for the vehicle so my father did for me. I'll make the payments to him. It was absolutely fantastic of him to do this for me - I cannot thank him enough! He knows I'm responsible and will pay every month And I think he was tired of my old van "crapping out" on me and always borrowing his car! LOL

So............the boys and I are cruising around in a new vehicle (with DVD player) so they think I'm the coolest mom - ha ha ha! Really, thanks to Grandpa!! The van just happened to have a DVD player in it. It didn't matter to me if it did or not

We're planning our trip to the Grand Canyon on June 16 for a week so I think we'll concentrate on that for now!! I guess my HP does work in mysterious ways. Thanks everyone for showing me the "brighter" side of things!!!!

Hugs to all of you!!!

Jen

Wascally Wabbit

Jen, back to the medicaid thing for your children. Even though you make ok money, sometimes you can be granted medicaid. Maybe you don't qualify for everything else, but you might qualify for medicaid. Its worth the trying. My granddaughter is on it, and I can tell you from experience that the drs bills would be horrendous with out it. SHe got pneumonia last summer. She has terrible allergies etc. Without it, her mother would never see the light of day out of medical debt.
Just a thought.
I am so glad you have a wonderful father to help you. What a blessing he is in your life!

rozied

Hi Jen I agree with everyones posts............the same thing happened to me when I broke up my marriage & I had to get food stamps & a mediical card for my kids etc BUT I used the opportunity being a single parent gave me to go to college for 4 yrs & I got my RN & my BS ( BOY R there ever ALOT of nurses here I guess cuz we r caretakers already being a codie comes naturally to us !!! ) My SS is now a single parent & he's doing the same thing. I KNOW NONE of us would choose to raise kids by ourselves, it was really tough but our HP has a plan for each & everyone of us. Kind of go with the flow, I like the way John Lennon put it in the song " Watching The Wheels ", " Life is what happens when your busy making other plans "
Love,
Diane

Lalaleah

I don't have any advise when it comes to the children, since i am not a mom. I just wanted to show my support and send you (hugs)

Congrats on the van! My dad told me that he will cosign next year for my new(to me) car when I get it too. I had perfect credit and the XH ruined that too...

Jen

Hi all ~ Thanks again for the wonderful support and advice! I am glad I had the weekend to think about everything before contacting my atty.

Exah chose not to pay me anything and offered me $25/wk....thinking this would keep him out of jail, so now I'm guessing there will be a warrant out for his arrest. Maybe this is his HP showing him this is what he needs right now.

I struggled all weekend with wondering how to handle the situation and wondering if there was anything *I* could do. By the time I had several conversations with my exah last night, my mind was made up to LET GO and it would work itself out.

Exah is furious with me but I told him these were the consequences of HIS actions and not mine. I'm a pretty bullheaded and strong-willed person and I was NOT going to let him manipulate me and this situation anymore. It seems as though he had taken some (most) of that away from me while I was with him. However, I wasn't a severe codie as I NEVER bailed him out of ANY situation. Unfortunately, marital $$ issues were both of ours regardless of what he had done (according to our state we live in) so I had no choice but to handle those issues.

Anyway............a great big thank you to all and maybe this will be his bottom!! If not, so be it!

Thanks again!!!

Jen

Amy2

Hi Jen. As far as health insurance, look into Medicaid NOW! When I divorced, I didn't trust my ex to keep coverage for my kids, so instead I enrolled them in my state Medicaid program. (I live in Illinois.) It was pretty easy to do, and I've never had trouble with it. I was a little humiliated the first time I presented my medical card at the pediatrician's office, but I've found out since that it really isn't a big deal, lots of children are covered under the program and I've never been treated as a "less than" parent because I've gotten help with medical insurance for the kids. Since I signed up, several years ago, the program has been expanded, so you don't have to be "poverty level" for your kids to qualify. Seriously, look into the program in your state.

Good luck, Amy

cinderellawkids

I agree look into medicaid again. I make too much for assistance and too little to survive also, but my kids have Medicaid. Ive never received $$ from my older childrens father, he's in prison, due to be released the day his youngest turns 18 (6now) has never seen him.
My babies Dad is a crack addict we are separated, I dont expect to ever see a dime

It can be done

parentrecovers

hugs to you, k

hope213

just want you to know i care. i really have no advise just that our H.P. does take care of our needs.hugs & prayers, hope

Amy2

Jen, I got your message but cannot PM you (apparently I have not posted here enough to be able to PM). Please PM me again and I will try to find a way to answer your question.

Amy