loverof1

This is my first post, but here is my story.

My husband is an alcoholic. I have cared for him, paid off all of his bills and done everything that a wife should do. He has tanken full advantage of my heart. He has progressively gotten worse and with a job change for me it has become very difficult to make it without some help from him. He walked out on our family 3 weeks ago. He said that he is not "in love" with me anymore and that we have nothing in common. He is right...we have nothing in common because I dont drink and that is all he wants to do. He is loaded every single day, but he cant afford to help me with our kids at all. This is the first day that I have felt pure rage with him. I know that he is not in control, but he threatened to "make himself disappear" if I file for child support or try to dip into his drinking money. We are literally scraping just to put food on the table while he is out there having a ******* hayday. I could just scream right now.

He wont seek help since he doesnt have a problem....the problem of course is me. How can someone walk out after 16 years together and have a good time? Im just so angry right now I could spit fire.

thanks for letting me vent.

Rowan

Hi loverof1,

I'm so sorry for your struggle to make ends meet and to be both parents to your children. I'm glad you found us, though.
Please make yourself comfortable and look around - you may especially benefit from the friends and family of alcoholics forum.
I hope things get better for you.

Rowan

chrisj728

As alcoholics we are all in denial, until we come to accept the fact that our drinking is costing us more than money, until he can understand that he is suffering with an illness then he will see no fault in his behaviour. But you are not to blame for his illness it's just easy for him to justify his actions by blaming you, it's what we alcoholics do best, Shift the blame!
i wish you well

chris

Debaucher

Thank you Loverof1

I needed to see that post... it will help keep me sober today...

I am sorry for your pain. I don't have anything to offer you in terms of help... but I will keep you in my prayers tonight...

CarolD

I suggest you find a local Al anon meeting...

Blessings

teej

or a baseball bat! .......just kidding

Astro

Sometimes that's what it takes!

Please check out the Friends & Family Of Alcoholics forum and at least consider and Al-Anon meeting. You'll learn the 3 C's. Didn't cause it, can't change it, and can't control it. There are many who will identify with your situation and can share with you how to focus on yourself and taking care of your childre.

I'm glad you're here. Keep posting and reading.

Alive

it's the addiction of destruction.......only he can decide or try to stop hurting him and others. i imagine the way it makes you feel....welcome to the board. keep postin, there is a lot of info on situations like yours. hope you can find some deep answers

elizabeth1979

Loverof1,

The words you typed remind me so much of myself a couple of years ago. The rage. I dont have children, so its not the same. I do remember wanting to spit fire, amongst many other things.

I usually hang out down in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics...lots of us down there can relate.

Glad you are here

livefree

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry that such awful circumstances have brought you here. Until your husband is ready to take action and face his disease, I'm not sure there's much you can do for him. I agree with CarolID that you should find an Alanon meeting. Also, keep posting. It's not healthy for you to keep your emotions bottled up.

livefree

Also, TJ, thanks for making me laugh=)

IO Storm

Take care of yourself and your family...first and foremost.

And if you think going to a support group ..(Al Anon) is another way of

supporting, thinking, or doing anything more for HIM...that is not true.

This wonderful program is for you!!!!

It will help you to regain your sanity and serenity.

Love,

:

IO

parentrecovers

welcome, lof1 - active addiction is a pretty selfish disease. it's important that you take some time now and take care of yourself and your kids. i have a daughter who is a alcoholic/addict. private counseling and face to face alanon meetings really help me.

blessings, k

loverof1

My husband left 3 weeks ago and has been a ghost ever since. Friends have seen him out and about and all he is doing is sitting there getting sloshed every night. I have been just sick for 3 weeks and yesterday was the first time I felt that anger. I watch as our kids suffer (he didnt bother to stay and help me to explain why he was leaving....too hard for him). I have taken myself and our kids to Al-Anon since he left. That has been helpful in understanding his disease, but there is just so much more to it. It is just the beginning of recovery for me and our kids....I just had to scream it out there that I am angry with him...and I have to be careful about expressing my true feelings when my kids are nearby.

parentrecovers

can you get some private and/or family counseling for yourself and your kids? guess it depends on insurance..

k

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation and I hope that you will find lots of support here, so keep posting.

indigo

Welcome on board as you can see we are family here and we care about each other. Sorry for all the s**t you're going through, he is projecting his actions on to you and you are worth more.

indigo