BlvninGod

O.k.; I just told my 27 year old son and his 37 year old girlfriend to get out of my house. She took his car and I left her a voice mail to park it, let me know if she needed a ride somewhere and she could orchestrate pickingup her belongings after 530 pm, and she shoudl call my husband to make the arrangements. My son is still here (she has his car- remember) - ticked; but here. Did the name calling this; said I was blowing things up as bad as she does - they have been here almost 6 months. She lost her house and 2 cars and custody of her daughter due to addicition, he hocked (is that how you spell it?) about 90% of his stuff, so he had little or nothing to lose - just what he stole. The deal was everyone had to work 40 hours a week. he is working, she had one job - then quit it for one she was supposed to start on Monday - but needed to buy a decent car for it- well guess what; when your house and 2 cars are repoed - you can even buy a 'buy here pay here ' car. The instanty tipped the charts - then they went and had a few drinks and who knows what happened - she came in cheerful and the next thing is she is gone with his car - which is fine with me I don't want her here anymore and if they have to live at the shelter becuase 'they love one another' well that is just fine with me. You won't sit around my house anymore; and I want my life back so I am not going to have you live here anymore. I feel like my recovery has just backslid like an avalanche! So I am done. i love my son - but pal you need to get it together and if your not going to you will have to 'not' somewhere else. She has more excuses for her actions and blame for others than i can deal with - I stand there dumbfounded - so i am done - done - done done. And I put them in Gods ever capable hands - because while ther has been improvement since January - our lives have been disrupted enough. Go live at the shelter and dig yourway out - learn how to behave and quit being off the charts selfish.
thanks for letting me vent!

Marjatta

Hi BlvninGod,

I know that you know in your heart you did the right thing. It doesn't matter if our sons or daughters are 17, 27 or 47, there comes a time when we just have to do it.

The more insanity that we witness, the more we wonder if it's just us and whether perhaps we're just not seeing things straight anymore.

The hardest part is to get past the anger and disbelief, yet still stick to our guns out of love. It's easier to say no when we are angry. It's harder the next day when we doubt ourselves and wonder if we did the right thing.

Boundaries are what keep us all in line. If we ourselves didn't have them, who would be there to pick up the pieces when our kids went beserk?

Your recovery hasn't slid back...in fact it sounds stronger, because you've made one of the hardest decisions any parent has to make under very difficult circumstances. I commend you for that.

Keep the faith.

Marjatta

BigSis

I could only do what I could live with... and this works in both directions.

I agree with Marjatta (hi Marjatta!), your recovery is in FINE shape... and I am sorry you have to deal with this chaos. Perhaps this boundary will make it easier to love your son, while allowing him to find his own way into recovery.

((hugs))

caughtinthemid

Good for you! This is tough love of the highest order but until you stay out of the way of their rock bottom, they won't get help.

Best Wishes,

CIM

rozied

Good looking out for yourself..........behaviour like that should not have to be tolerated in ones own home.

Diane

BlvninGod

thank you everyone for your wisdom. Exactly what I needed to help start my day / week. not sure if I will make it back on until later in the week - but everyone is in my prayers! An earlier statement should have been 'what he sold', not what he stole - but I hear the later is common with addicition as well. He did not go to work today, and i am not starting my day out with a fight - I am getting ready for work and will deal with this later. A degree of denial - yes; but the fight seems like the old days and i don't want to go back there even for a minute - at least not first thing in the morning. Tired of the insanity and I won't deal with it anymore. I won't actively participate in this. My youngest had moved out because he couldn't take it - granted he is 22; fresh out of college, but deserved to stay here for a while to save money for down payments etc, but they moved in and moved all the basement set up into their own apartment. And what was worse - my husband and i put up with it. Well - i have 2 children and they can both feel welcome here, so she can move out and if he goes with her - well o.k.; come over for Sunday dinner - but she isn't going to live here anymore. The free ride for everyone is over. The house rule is everyone works - she doesn't want to work- rich girl who has been cut off from her $ due to her action - well its not my dime to ride on anymore - go get a job - go to the shelter - but get out of my house. I was 'you can care someone to incapacity' in action - but it was off the charts 'unhealthy' for me and the rest of my family. I am sure I will get - 'you like my brother more than me', bla bla bla.....and the answer is 'no - I love my family enough to say my enitre family has the right to be comfortable here; and so that is how it is, you can stay if you work and are drug free but she is not living here or staying here any longer'. I am afraid of the future - if things go south will others make it my fault - 'you kicked them out'; but I don't own their choices and someday maybe they will understand that. have a great Monday and a superb week. God is in control - which is good becuase i am terrified and just keep reminding myself this boundary is not negotiable! Love Ya and God Bless(ly&gb)/m

hope213

good for you.they can blame you, that is what addicts do but at least you can find peace again. hugs,

parentrecovers

they will understand, when they find recovery. blessings, k

mooselips

BlvninGod,
Thinking back, I remember one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
My son, who was around 28 at the time, was released from prison, I went and picked him up and we stopped here at MY house. He assumed he was going to stay here, I said "Decide where you want to go, and I'll drop you off, you cannot stay here." I dropped him at the City Mission, and drove away with tears running down my face.


It was hard, but I took back my life, just as you are reclaiming yours.
Your home, your boundaries.

YOU are moving forward in YOUR recovery.
The rest is up to him, and his H.P.

Hugs, from one mom to another,

teke

you sound really good to me in your vent, i think you are doing what is best for you and them. keeping you and yours in my prayers. god will keep them safe and lead them where they are suppose to be, and he maynot need your help to do it. keep the focus on you.