booklover

I have been doing pretty well. Learning what it is to live on my own all over again. Had a hard last few weeks as I am a student and the end of the semester crunch is more like a smashing feeling when you are juggling school with 2 little rowdy boys. AH has been "on his way" to rehab for a couple of weeks. A friend set him up with an agency that pays 100% of his rehab because he is a professional musician. All he had to do was pick a rehab. He doesn't really even seem that grateful for such a gift.

But for the most part, I don't worry where he is or what he is doing. I hope he gets clean for the kids sake, but what can you do?

Some positives...I have way more room in my closet and I never have to worry about the shell of a person who is still up at 4 am in the morning in the garage smoking meth. And that is worth a lot. Our 9 year wedding anniversary is next week. I am planning on going to see a concert to keep myself from doing the poor me bit.

I was devastated when I saw most of his stuff gone. It was heart breaking. But then just pissed when he took 100 of the 200 dollars I had to care for the kids for a week out of the bank to buy drugs. Luckily now, I have my own account and more money.

He doesn't have a place and I guess he is staying at random friends' houses. All I know though is I said he couldn't stay another night in my house and I have stood by it.

Sorry I have been absent. I promise to be better. Life has been demanding now that I have to do everything and now that I am the only parent doing caretaking. Hope all is well with all of you.

You helped me immensely and helped me help myself to get to this point, this healthier place.

Laura

rozied

Hi Laura,
You don't know me yet but my name is Diane. My 40 yr old son is the addict in my life. I once was married to a compulsive gambler & spent 10yrs of my life with him. We had 2 sons together so I also know what it is like to be a single parent. I also went bk to college for my BS & RN when I left him so I can relate to having 2 little ones & going to school.
I know it is really hard doing it by yourself but now at least you can control your own money & not have to worry about what he is doing.
It is good you are planning to go to a concert for your anniversary instead of sitting alone thinking about it.
My 40 yr old son has been dealing with his addiction since he was 20. No matter how many times he messes up it seems he never learns anything. My 87 yr old parents have alot to do with keeping his addiction going as they have enabled him & no matter how many times he has lied to them & beaten them out of money they always seem to fall for it again.
IMHO I believe you did the right thing. Congratulations on setting your boundaries firm & not allowing him to continue doing this to you. As I said my 1st husband was an addict & it was hard for me to end it. I gave him not only my heart but my soul & that is where I made my mistake as you never give anyone your soul. It is now many yrs later, I remarried a wonderful man about 24 yrs ago & as far as I know my ex has spent the rest of his life in & out of jail. I doubt very much if he ever changed.
My heart ache is my AS. You cannot divorce your child though I have limited my contact with him as it hurts too much. All I can do for him is pray & hope his HP takes care of him cuz I can't help him anymore.
My younger son is a single dad also of 2 little rowdy boys. He is also going to college. My husband & I are helping him raise the boys. I am glad I can help, it keps me very busy & my mind occupied.
SR is a wonderful place & they have helped me alot. Keep coming back.
Hugs,
Diane

teke

thanks for the update book, you sound so good, i'm heading where you're at again too, i wished it was different for the both of us, but it is what it is, and there is no rationalizing anything, it just is and there is nothing left to try i think your recovery is shinning so bright right now, its amazing to me how you can find so much joy and peace when living with out the person you love and still love them so dearly,, keeping you and your family in my prayers

Elana

You are sounding good.
I too was devestated for a while after XABF moved out.. the empty rooms.. His room is still empty but I have guest room plans for it as $$ becomes available.

Better a guest who is planning to leave than an addict who is using and planning to stay.

tropikgal2

Hi Book, Glad you seem to be doing well. Take care of yourself and your kids. Have fun at the concert!!