duet_4-8

I know that addicts do all manner of crazy things, but this one just has me really puzzled. I am honestly beginning to wonder if EXAH has some kind of serious mental illness. Here is what happened:

EXAH has been tormenting our oldest son ever since I filed for divorce. He calls son obsessively, goes in the business (that was ours and son bought) talks about me horribly, lies about everything, threatens to kill himself if I won't 'go to counseling' with him, etc. He doesn't have a job, so he has time to be really annoying..This has been going on since March 2.

Son has finally had enough, and had a huge confrontion with his dad on Friday. I mean it lasted over 2 hours and he told his dad every single thing he has ever wanted to say to him. (I am not going to get into all of it because it would take hours.) He told his dad that he didn't care if he killed himself, that he needed help and if he refused to get it then that is dad's problem. He said "I wash my hands of you and the whole situation. Don't call me, don't come back here, etc..." It was much more intense than it sounds. My son felt really good about it; he called me after it was over and said, "I did it! I told him not to ever come around me again. I told him to go ahead and kill himself if that is what he wants to do but that I am not responsible....."

EXAH was back in less than TWENTY MINUTES acting like nothing was ever said. And he left and came back twice Friday and a couple of times Saturday.

My son is just dumbfounded. I am a little, too. I mean he just basically told his dad to go drive off a cliff, and the man just comes back to the store and sits down in his office like it never even happened. Opinions, suggestions, anything????

teke

sorry that your son is having this kind of trouble with dad, i think they must have all took the same course or read the same handbook, thats just how addicts do. drugs effects the brain, i don't understand it and i'm a recovering addict, i hope that i'm not that way, anyway, i'm glad that you son was able to get some stuff to his dad, sounds like he may have needed to do that, i think that its good that you are allowing him to handle his own issues with dad while you continue to take care of you'

i think that you are doing good in your recovery, your reaction to what happend is a good example of that, keep going and i pray that dad finds his way soon and can someday rebuild his relationship with his son. still praying for ya

rozied

Hi Jen, Oh can I ever relate to this, my AS acts the exact same way. As Teke said I also think the drugs do something to their brain. My AS does things over & over to hurt the family. When he calls after he does something horribly wrong , he acts like nothing bad ever happened.
You sound very strong in your recovery. I think when it is your child who is addicted it is somehow different. I know his biological father ( my ex husband ) was an addict ( a compulsive gambler then after I divorced him he got addicted to coke )and after 10 yrs of it I was finished. My sons addiction has been going on 20 yrs & I still find it extremely hard to cut him loose. He called last night & again dumped his problems on me. I am beginning to think he has an addiction to gambling also but then he lies so much it is hard to tell. I think he tells me all his problems in the hope I will help him financially but I won't no matter how hard it is to say no. He told me last night, if he doesn't get $200 to his credit union by Friday he is facing 10 to 20. I know he has trouble with them as they called & sent him a registered letter, but even if all he said is true I cannot help him anymore. I also am NOT telling my parents as my mom might get weak & help even though he just beat them out of $1,500. Addicts act like nothing is ever wrong no matter what they have done. MY AS thinks " I'm sorry " fixes everything and it doesn't.
I am sure other people who come here will have alot more to say that can help you.
Jen I wish I knew what is wrong with these people................it breaks my heart to think my son is so sick. I also think he has to have serious psychiatric problems besides addiction to do the things he does. He cannot control his impulses. He only starts to worry after the fact as he is afraid of being arrested & sent bk to jail. I try & tell him to get help. That people do not do these things normally. They are not just mistakes. He is 40 yrs old & been in & out of jail for the last 5 yrs & says he is terrified of going back YET he does illegal things that are sure to send him back. WHY I sure wish I knew.
You sound really strong in your own recovery. I am so sorry you EXAH is tormenting your son. Maybe it would help your son if he went to a Nar-Anon meeting.
I hope this helped a little.
Love,
Diane
PS I love your quote at the end of your post.

cinderellawkids

Im sorry Jen I think its in the addicts handbook," when all else fails deny dent deny"

dollydo

I'd blame it on his altered brain. Addicts also lack impulse control, they seem to jump from one thing to another without giving anything any thought or consideration.

Let them work it out, your son sounds very level headed and I think he will handle him.

Have a good day,

tropikgal2

Your son needs to get a restraining order if he really doesn't want his Dad to come around.