When Does The Anger Go Away?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2
When Does The Anger Go Away?
My AH has been sober for 11 days (according to him and after making him find a place to live) but he's still extremely angry and resentful. He thinks it's time to come home and start over! I think it's time for him to keep on keepin on. I let him stay at our home last night to save $ and to let him play with his toys. He's still mad because I didn't want to stay with him. Will he ever get it? As long as he's mad, I'm not going to be around him. Is the anger a sign of him not really working his program? I'm so confused. He's an angry drunk so maybe he's angry getting sober? He's been in an IOP program for the last six weeks and has drank (binge drinker) 3 times, according to him. The program says that technically he's untreatable. Is that really possible?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
My AS was a mean drumk and when he got to the''dry drunk'' stage he was very aggitated with ever little thing--It does pass.
I can't believe a program would tell you that--or him--why take away the HOPE?
I was watching the dvd on addiction and several psychs/Mds said there are cases of people who no matter what just can not stop----I like to believe that there is always some hope for every human being on this planet.What would our world be like without it? Educate yourself--make sure you have explored all the options...and Take care of YOU and stay safe.....
I can't believe a program would tell you that--or him--why take away the HOPE?
I was watching the dvd on addiction and several psychs/Mds said there are cases of people who no matter what just can not stop----I like to believe that there is always some hope for every human being on this planet.What would our world be like without it? Educate yourself--make sure you have explored all the options...and Take care of YOU and stay safe.....
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Welcome DG. So sorry to hear all you are going through.
I can't believe they told you no hope?!
Right now you have to take care of you! My AH has been through this with the anger and quitting and getting angrier, etc....it got worse. And from what I hear they are progressive.
Please educate yourself and stay safe. Trust your gut instincts!
I can't believe they told you no hope?!
Right now you have to take care of you! My AH has been through this with the anger and quitting and getting angrier, etc....it got worse. And from what I hear they are progressive.
Please educate yourself and stay safe. Trust your gut instincts!
harleygirl92156
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
I have a feeling them saying he is untreatable is their way of taking themselves off the hook.
True it is his responsibility to get and stay sober, but it is their responsibility to help and saying he is untreatable is unfair. I personally would look for a different treatment center.
I have been around the AA program with my husband for two and a half years and I have met some A's that went through treatment twice, three times, one man 6 times and they now have many years of sobriety. The guy the went through 6 times just recently had his 18th sobriety birthday.
I personally do not believe anyone is untreatable.....
Oh, by the way, about the anger.....it does pass....on his part and yours. Feelings (especially anger for my A) are something A's are not use to handling with out a drink or 10 to deal with it. Their emotions are heightened in the first months of sobriety and it is difficult for all. If he is working a good program it will change, he will change and the change will be for the better, much better. Trust me, you will be able to see it and it is AMAZING!!
True it is his responsibility to get and stay sober, but it is their responsibility to help and saying he is untreatable is unfair. I personally would look for a different treatment center.
I have been around the AA program with my husband for two and a half years and I have met some A's that went through treatment twice, three times, one man 6 times and they now have many years of sobriety. The guy the went through 6 times just recently had his 18th sobriety birthday.
I personally do not believe anyone is untreatable.....
Oh, by the way, about the anger.....it does pass....on his part and yours. Feelings (especially anger for my A) are something A's are not use to handling with out a drink or 10 to deal with it. Their emotions are heightened in the first months of sobriety and it is difficult for all. If he is working a good program it will change, he will change and the change will be for the better, much better. Trust me, you will be able to see it and it is AMAZING!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi Dallas Girl,
Welcome to SR. In case you haven't already seen them, there are some threads we call 'stickys' on the top of the page that have alot of good information.
I can't answer your question about his anger and it really doesn't matter why right now. What matters is that you have a clear boundary about his behavior when he acts that way. That's very good! It's good for you and for him too.
I'm thinking that what they said about him being untreatable is their way of letting him know that without willingness to do what it takes...he is untreatable. It's also called hitting bottom, or finding out if he has had 'enough' of drinking yet.
Relapse is part of recovery and sometimes just what is needed to convince a person that they have no other choices but to change. It can be very hard on those of us who witness the drama up close and personal.
All that said, this forum is about for YOU to help you learn about the disease and also learn how to take care of yourself _regardless_ of what he is doing. I hope that you will continue to come by, read all you can and keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
Welcome to SR. In case you haven't already seen them, there are some threads we call 'stickys' on the top of the page that have alot of good information.
I can't answer your question about his anger and it really doesn't matter why right now. What matters is that you have a clear boundary about his behavior when he acts that way. That's very good! It's good for you and for him too.
I'm thinking that what they said about him being untreatable is their way of letting him know that without willingness to do what it takes...he is untreatable. It's also called hitting bottom, or finding out if he has had 'enough' of drinking yet.
Relapse is part of recovery and sometimes just what is needed to convince a person that they have no other choices but to change. It can be very hard on those of us who witness the drama up close and personal.
All that said, this forum is about for YOU to help you learn about the disease and also learn how to take care of yourself _regardless_ of what he is doing. I hope that you will continue to come by, read all you can and keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Mine was even more grumpy/angry/resentful/mean spirited when he quit for a few months......
That untreatable comment is perplexing.....prolly like was said before. If he is unwilling then the success rate falls. Did you hear this yourself? Or did he tell you that's what they said? Curious. They often 'hear' things differently than was intended.
That untreatable comment is perplexing.....prolly like was said before. If he is unwilling then the success rate falls. Did you hear this yourself? Or did he tell you that's what they said? Curious. They often 'hear' things differently than was intended.
yasmin
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: london,uk
Posts: 15
maybe he wants to be untreatable???? he can only be treatable if he wants to be, that is when an addict is at his strongest, so anyones comments about being untreatable should be ignored. Once strong ignore negativity!!!! let negative people who feel addicts cannot overcome their addiction or are helpless take their thoughts somewhere else. This is a postive forum and we shoul feed positivity and love to eachother.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Welcome to SR DallasGirl...hey, now we have TexasGirl, DallasGirl, and NewEnglandGirl
To balance things out, we'll need a WestcoastGirl and a Minnesotagirl Anyhow...good for you Dallasgirl for sticking to your boundaries - I know, it's not easy. Yes, it's to be expected that he's angry....that's the way alcoholics often react to not being "able" to drink...and it's also the way they often react to drinking as well. Can't win. Will it get better? Time will only tell. There's nothing you can do to influence the situation. What you can do, though, is take good care of YOU.
To balance things out, we'll need a WestcoastGirl and a Minnesotagirl Anyhow...good for you Dallasgirl for sticking to your boundaries - I know, it's not easy. Yes, it's to be expected that he's angry....that's the way alcoholics often react to not being "able" to drink...and it's also the way they often react to drinking as well. Can't win. Will it get better? Time will only tell. There's nothing you can do to influence the situation. What you can do, though, is take good care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
He's untreatable becuase he dosn't want to be treated or rather he wants
a quick fix, just like his drinking...getting numb out for instant gradification.
Stoping drinking is but a first step...there 11 more steps in a 12 step program.
AA is a support group not a fix me group. A peoson not drinking but not
working a program is white knockling.
A common saying in recovery or AA
take the alcohol out of an arss...there still remains the arss.
There's anger management courses
The 12 step help deals with anger and there's plenty of people in AA that
can share informations with a person that wants it.
The first 30-90 days will be pretty much a blur for a recoverying alki
and lots of emotional roller coasters.
At 11 days...holy schmoly....withdraws city.
However don't fix him..
Re focus your energy to yourself and healing yourself. Establish a bondary.
a quick fix, just like his drinking...getting numb out for instant gradification.
Stoping drinking is but a first step...there 11 more steps in a 12 step program.
AA is a support group not a fix me group. A peoson not drinking but not
working a program is white knockling.
A common saying in recovery or AA
take the alcohol out of an arss...there still remains the arss.
There's anger management courses
The 12 step help deals with anger and there's plenty of people in AA that
can share informations with a person that wants it.
The first 30-90 days will be pretty much a blur for a recoverying alki
and lots of emotional roller coasters.
At 11 days...holy schmoly....withdraws city.
However don't fix him..
Re focus your energy to yourself and healing yourself. Establish a bondary.
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