lillian

hello- i have an opportunity to sublet my apartment this summer- it's possible i could leave my job for three months, and go to the east coast/stay with friends and family. i would have to find some work out there to make up the money, but i could never even think of leaving my job if someone didn't appear interested in subletting-- should i? part of me longs to leave town- my divorce will be final in a few weeks- the thought of doing the same job, which isn't what i want to do for the rest of my life, or even the rest of the year, driving the same route, living in our same house, being in all the old places we used to go together and knowing i will never be with him again, or that he's doing these things with her now-- i keep thinking a break in the pattern with give me some much needed change of scenery; give me time and space to think about what i want to do next in life-- on the other hand, i could make more of an effort to change things here -- things aren't so bad- maybe i'll get out there and be sleeping on someone's floor just as miserable and less comfortable- i have no idea what i even want anymore. i am so bad at making any kind of decision. (i also got a haircut yesterday that makes me look like complete dork...) i know AA calls moving across country a geographic, but sometimes it is nice to get away/get some distance/shake things up-- any opinions/experience with this?

ICU

Sometimes a temporary change of scenery can give us a better focus on where we are now versus where we want to be in the future. But sometimes, it can just be an escape too. There's a fine line between the two.

I had a job opportunity out of state when my relationship with my ex was almost at an end. I might have taken it had it not been for my elderly parents who live only 5 miles from me and need my help. I do admit I constantly think of what my life would have been like had I moved (sometimes thinking it might have been better). But then again, I doubt if I would have put as much work into my own recovery as I had by staying put. Concentrating on the move, setting up a new place, exploring new territory would have been a huge distraction to the real issue I needed to tend to....'me'!

Try looking at your true deep motives and let that be your guide.

laurie6781

Actually most geographics done by alkies are called "Unlawful Flight To Avoid Procecution." lol

What you are doing is taking an extended vacation to 'regroup' after what you have been through. Big difference.

If your job is ok with you taking some extra time, then why not. Go for it. Heck I would if I had even a whisper that it might help me in my own recovery.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

lillian

i am not over him. part of me hopes going away will make me divorce from him in my mind and heart. i hate that i still miss him so much- i see his life normalizing- him getting back together with old friends, becoming stronger and happier, and i feel like a farce- worse and worse. i have done a few things, and sometimes i feel better- very up and down. today i am crying! i haven't cried in awhile- nothing is different, so why am i torn up today? i chase the self doubt away, and then it seems to come back even stronger and i tear myself apart. sometimes it helps to write it down, so don't mind me... but: he is in a relationship/left me pretty soon after he got sober for the first time- i feel like he must think i am so stupid for thinking we had a relationship and were in love, had a real marraige when as soon as he was sober and in his recovery, he saw it was something without point or value. owch. i better drag my sorry butt to alanon because i really haven't made any progress at all with this.

ICU

Hey Lillian, I could fix you up with a guy I met in the Wawa parking lot to take your mind off things and help you to move on....just kidding.

I know it hurts. Sometimes the pain just goes right down to the bone. Perhaps the amount of pain we feel is equal to the amount of love that we feel. Love deeply, hurt deeply. I don't know how it could really be any different.

I'm right where you are today, so you're not alone...only I've been split from my ex almost 2 years ago. This is still all very new to you, so give yourself a chance. An Alanon meeting is a good idea. I wish I had a good Alanon meeting in my area, but I don't. If you really think getting away for awhile will help, then go for it.

In any case, we're here for you and understand. Venting and writing it out always seems to help me; I hope it helps you too.

Sunflower

Sounds like a plan--a change of living might be a good thing for you--I would go for it--sounds like you have it all planned out well and there are others on the East Coast who are waiting for you-so you won't be alone. A new day--a fresh start--why not?

Jazzman

You ever look at Craigs List? There are lots of house swaps like that movie The Holiday.

Sunflower

Hey Craigs list---which I used to use a lot--had some BIG time problems legally over the last few months--I would be very careful going there....

Seeking Wisdom

Like you, I feel like I am living in a rut ... it is sometimes hard to redefine our lives once our A's are no longer around to keep us focused on their insanity and their many associated problems. We now have to look to the future just focusing on US trying to live normal lives ... if we can even remember what that was like. Since my husband passed away ... life is gradually settling into a calmer, more rational yet a very different phase of life..one I still haven't figured out yet. I still have a number of significant responsibilities that keep me anchored where I am... a business, a house, teenage sons ...etc. I also miss the "good part" of my husband ... the part that would appear from time to time, the sober guy I married many years ago .... but I always passionately hated living with all the turmoil and uncertainty that alcoholism brought into our lives.

I have always found a change of scenery to be an invigorating experience. It helps to get away from all the negative memories and their triggers ... and inspires us to start dreaming about all the possibilities life still has to offer us. Getting away can also help us appreciate our old lives, homes ...etc. more when we return. If this is what you feel you want to do ... it seems like it could be a very good idea. You are being proactive in changing the course of your life which you are currently not happy with. What is the expression?... "nothing changes until someone changes".

cmc

The geographic cure is all about running away to solve a problem that goes with you wherever you go to. There is a huge difference between running away and looking for a chance to take a break and/or detach from past pain. We all need a vacation. There is nothing wrong about becoming strong, starting over and becoming more independent.
btw.. Most haircuts take at least a few days to get used to!!!