the 13th Steppers...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
the 13th Steppers...
For all of those that are new here, and for those that just don't know, the 13th step refers to sick individuals that use the pretense of AA / Helping someone deal with their issues in order to seek sex and/or relationships with them.
It is imperative that you be aware that not everyone out on the internet and at meetings, etc., is genuinely there to become sober and to help others to become sober. Some people, in their sickness, attempt to capitalize on those that are struggling so as to find easy targets for dating and/or sex.
This type of conduct is NEVER condoned in AA or on this site; however, while it is not condoned, that doesn't mean that some of these slippery little suckers don't end up on this site or in AA. They do.
Due to that sad reality, it is imperative that you be VERY careful about the information that you share with people about yourself. Take your time in getting to know people. DO NOT rush to meet someone in person, go to a meeting instead where people with long term sobriety are watching for these types of slugs and predators. DO NOT exchange your personal information UNLESS you are absolutely sure about who you are dealing with and can trust them.
AND as always, if you are confronted by this type of conduct, notify the moderators or greeters so that we can deal with this type of conduct immediately. That is the only way we can root out these types of characters and deal with them.
Peace, Levi
It is imperative that you be aware that not everyone out on the internet and at meetings, etc., is genuinely there to become sober and to help others to become sober. Some people, in their sickness, attempt to capitalize on those that are struggling so as to find easy targets for dating and/or sex.
This type of conduct is NEVER condoned in AA or on this site; however, while it is not condoned, that doesn't mean that some of these slippery little suckers don't end up on this site or in AA. They do.
Due to that sad reality, it is imperative that you be VERY careful about the information that you share with people about yourself. Take your time in getting to know people. DO NOT rush to meet someone in person, go to a meeting instead where people with long term sobriety are watching for these types of slugs and predators. DO NOT exchange your personal information UNLESS you are absolutely sure about who you are dealing with and can trust them.
AND as always, if you are confronted by this type of conduct, notify the moderators or greeters so that we can deal with this type of conduct immediately. That is the only way we can root out these types of characters and deal with them.
Peace, Levi
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
The only Problem that I have with this issue is that.....
Like our preamble says, If it isn't in the NA/AA Books than it Probably isn't the Program. I have never seen anywhere in the first 164 Pages of AA Big Book nor the first 103 Pages of the NA Basic Text that refer to 13 step. I believe that this isn't part of the Program IMO with all respect here! We have a 12 Step Program and if we work the steps than we won't have to worry about issues such as this.
That is why we have a IP Pamplet that states men with men and women with women. Just my 2 cents.
Oh yeah it is a joke around outside of the rooms Two Steppers, Steps 1 and 12 = 13
Like our preamble says, If it isn't in the NA/AA Books than it Probably isn't the Program. I have never seen anywhere in the first 164 Pages of AA Big Book nor the first 103 Pages of the NA Basic Text that refer to 13 step. I believe that this isn't part of the Program IMO with all respect here! We have a 12 Step Program and if we work the steps than we won't have to worry about issues such as this.
That is why we have a IP Pamplet that states men with men and women with women. Just my 2 cents.
Oh yeah it is a joke around outside of the rooms Two Steppers, Steps 1 and 12 = 13
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Lot of pain here regarding 13th Stepping....
Did it....
Been done too.....
Relationships busted wide open......................
No, there is not a 13th Step officially....but the action exists.
Sick...hurtful.....damaging. That's all I can share about it for
now.
Memories are still too fesh and painful.
Love,
Sherry
Did it....
Been done too.....
Relationships busted wide open......................
No, there is not a 13th Step officially....but the action exists.
Sick...hurtful.....damaging. That's all I can share about it for
now.
Memories are still too fesh and painful.
Love,
Sherry
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Yep it has happened to me also and is a matter of fact I think, someone in a meeting the other day said that Bill W. had a affair with someone in the meetings when they first started AA. WOW I guess we are all a little sick
Inspired
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Chance 
Yep it has happened to me also and is a matter of fact I think, someone in a meeting the other day said that Bill W. had a affair with someone in the meetings when they first started AA. WOW I guess we are all a little sick
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Pilgrim I had no idea about any of this. I thought I was safe. Finally safe. Now it seems I am not. There is nowhere left for me to turn now.
Don't let this deter you from meetings Please!
I was even wondering why this should have been posted in the Newcomers forum for they have a lot of other issues just getting clean than to hear this stuff but again that is just IMO
With Love and Respect
Vic
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Originally Posted by Pilgrim
I had no idea about any of this. I thought I was safe. Finally safe. Now it seems I am not. There is nowhere left for me to turn now.
don't let the actions of a few deter you Steph...we all have an inbuilt BS meter, and it's pretty important we use it, especially in times where we're healing...I still believe the human race is mostly good !
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Nooooooooo. Not again. Make sure he sees the damage. I was overcoming past sexual abuse, abandonment, fear of loneliness. I have bared my heart and soul in the hope of recovering and finding happiness. He knows EVERYTHING. Meetings? Looking around the room wondering who is there to hear my truth for bad reasons? SR?
No thanks. The bottle is more honest.
No thanks. The bottle is more honest.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
There is no need to turn away from SR or meetings.
MOST of the people you meet at meetings and at SR will be decent people who are trying to get better. But, as everywhere in life, there are some who are very sick. It's always wise to be cautious, that's all and to take care of yourself. We all work very hard to keep SR a safe place.
MOST of the people you meet at meetings and at SR will be decent people who are trying to get better. But, as everywhere in life, there are some who are very sick. It's always wise to be cautious, that's all and to take care of yourself. We all work very hard to keep SR a safe place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
Steph,
Stick with the women in the meetings or go to women's meetings. I have found this to be the best answer for women new to AA and don't feel they are in a place that they are able to deal with the risks that come along with men.
You can still do this! It is possible.
Stick with the women in the meetings or go to women's meetings. I have found this to be the best answer for women new to AA and don't feel they are in a place that they are able to deal with the risks that come along with men.
You can still do this! It is possible.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
my husband is the addict in my life, I hope you all dont mind my response here..........
occassionally I go to the NA meetings with my AH when we plan to go to dinner or something with others from the meeting.
Anyhow, I made a comment one night that I really did not like how so many there seemed to be more interested in flirting or hittting on some of the women than they were in recovery.
Those in the group we were with many with alot of clean time said, thats why its men with men and women with women.............but one of the young guys said..........."plus the odds are good but the goods are odd"
I let it go and later asked my husband what that meant and he said that so many of those women come in on a bus and are court order from a womens center.........that many are not clean or sober and that alot of guys KNOW that theres a very good chance they will .........well you know.....thay they are easy and some are still hooking for drugs...........
To me this is sad, that even if court ordered theres a chance some of these women could get clean yet theres scum there at the meeting waiting to pounce and even encourage drug use all for sex.
occassionally I go to the NA meetings with my AH when we plan to go to dinner or something with others from the meeting.
Anyhow, I made a comment one night that I really did not like how so many there seemed to be more interested in flirting or hittting on some of the women than they were in recovery.
Those in the group we were with many with alot of clean time said, thats why its men with men and women with women.............but one of the young guys said..........."plus the odds are good but the goods are odd"
I let it go and later asked my husband what that meant and he said that so many of those women come in on a bus and are court order from a womens center.........that many are not clean or sober and that alot of guys KNOW that theres a very good chance they will .........well you know.....thay they are easy and some are still hooking for drugs...........
To me this is sad, that even if court ordered theres a chance some of these women could get clean yet theres scum there at the meeting waiting to pounce and even encourage drug use all for sex.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Originally Posted by Pilgrim
Nooooooooo. Not again. Make sure he sees the damage. I was overcoming past sexual abuse, abandonment, fear of loneliness. I have bared my heart and soul in the hope of recovering and finding happiness. He knows EVERYTHING. Meetings? Looking around the room wondering who is there to hear my truth for bad reasons? SR?
No thanks. The bottle is more honest.
No thanks. The bottle is more honest.
Don't let the little voice inside twist some sicko's actions into an excuse for you to drink. Read some of your recent posts - you felt good. You met challenges, faced them and you beat them. That wasn't a lie.
D
Guest
Posts: n/a
Like Anna says, there should be no cause for alarm. This is not a reason to stop attending meetings or to stop coming to SR for support. We recognize the concern, however, and that is why moderators like myself and Anna are here.
We value our members and their safety.
Please, for your own benefit, we recommend that you read the new WARNING note that is posted at the top of this forum, if you haven't already done so.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...predators.html
Members who are caught engaging in behavior that is inappropriate (such as trolling, stalking, and other forms of harassment) will face harsh consequences, up to and including permanent banishment from this website forum, either with or without fair warning.
We value our members and their safety.
Please, for your own benefit, we recommend that you read the new WARNING note that is posted at the top of this forum, if you haven't already done so.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...predators.html
Members who are caught engaging in behavior that is inappropriate (such as trolling, stalking, and other forms of harassment) will face harsh consequences, up to and including permanent banishment from this website forum, either with or without fair warning.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Originally Posted by hopeOct31
Steph,
Stick with the women in the meetings or go to women's meetings. I have found this to be the best answer for women new to AA and don't feel they are in a place that they are able to deal with the risks that come along with men.
You can still do this! It is possible.
Stick with the women in the meetings or go to women's meetings. I have found this to be the best answer for women new to AA and don't feel they are in a place that they are able to deal with the risks that come along with men.
You can still do this! It is possible.
be careful by all means, wherever you are, but please don't lets panic...
this is a *great* place and I really treasure the friends I've made here...and one lowlife doesn't change that...
D
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
I have been PM'd by many men here on SR in the past under
my old name...but even more since I rejoined the first of March.
I will vow and attest that I have been treated with dignity
and given respect by each male who has spoken with me
personally. Every time. I have made so many new friends
without fear...and I cherish each one of you guys.
Pilgrim?
Have you been treated disrepectfully or are you just looking for
an alibi ...excuse to drink? Honestly hon...I'm not sure what
is going on with you, sounds like you're setting yourself up.
We can never blame our drinking or relapses on any other person
or their actions. To believe this lie is to be open to relapse after
relapse. I know. I did that 6 times.
Love,
Sherry
my old name...but even more since I rejoined the first of March.
I will vow and attest that I have been treated with dignity
and given respect by each male who has spoken with me
personally. Every time. I have made so many new friends
without fear...and I cherish each one of you guys.
Pilgrim?
Have you been treated disrepectfully or are you just looking for
an alibi ...excuse to drink? Honestly hon...I'm not sure what
is going on with you, sounds like you're setting yourself up.
We can never blame our drinking or relapses on any other person
or their actions. To believe this lie is to be open to relapse after
relapse. I know. I did that 6 times.
Love,
Sherry
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