Sad voicemail tears me apart
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
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Sad voicemail tears me apart
My AH just left me the saddest voicemail. Crying and saying that he didn't know where to go or what to do...that he can't make it without me. Yeah, of course, been drinking just a wee bit.
But it goes straight to my heart everytime. sigh.
Just so sad thinking how this disease ruins people...thinking about that sweet, caring, funny, strong man I used to know...and how the drinking has taken so much from him. I don't think codependency has anything to do with how I feel at this very moment...I loved someone and they got sick and went crazy and they are wandering around alone, sick and tormented. That's just friggin' heartbreaking. I lost my baby to mental illness. That's how I feel tonight.
I've been told that I should change my cell phone number. I don't want to suffer like this, but at the same time, I don't know if I'm ready to be totally out of touch if he calls. There's no question it's over between me and him...but I still care.
But it goes straight to my heart everytime. sigh.
Just so sad thinking how this disease ruins people...thinking about that sweet, caring, funny, strong man I used to know...and how the drinking has taken so much from him. I don't think codependency has anything to do with how I feel at this very moment...I loved someone and they got sick and went crazy and they are wandering around alone, sick and tormented. That's just friggin' heartbreaking. I lost my baby to mental illness. That's how I feel tonight.
I've been told that I should change my cell phone number. I don't want to suffer like this, but at the same time, I don't know if I'm ready to be totally out of touch if he calls. There's no question it's over between me and him...but I still care.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
oh boy do I know how you feel---you lose them to the alcohol--but the person you loved you are still thinking about--and you don't want any harm to come to him---I used to think the same--""My poor baby out there wandering around half out of his mind" that makes you normal--and compassionate.
I don't care what anyone else calls it--they are still human beings--ands its a miricle after all they put us through we still have a heart I know this....
I wish I knew what to tell you--I can tell you are in pain....whatever is going to happen will happen--you have no control over it---but its still ok to cry(((HUGS)))
My Grandmother used to tell me the angels watch over those who have lost their way......
I don't care what anyone else calls it--they are still human beings--ands its a miricle after all they put us through we still have a heart I know this....
I wish I knew what to tell you--I can tell you are in pain....whatever is going to happen will happen--you have no control over it---but its still ok to cry(((HUGS)))
My Grandmother used to tell me the angels watch over those who have lost their way......
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
I certainly understand how you feel, NE girl.
I'm feeling sad tonight too.
I have been doing so well, and tonight I'm lonely.
My exA has replaced me already, and that hurts.
I know that 2 years ago when I went back to him it was because I answered the phone. I know, NOW, that was a mistake. It just opened the door for him to come in and play some more mind games with me. It was 2 more years out of my life.
I'm not sure how long it takes, but I just want it to be over too.
Let's hope it gets easier every day.
It's hard to make these changes.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Grace
I'm feeling sad tonight too.
I have been doing so well, and tonight I'm lonely.
My exA has replaced me already, and that hurts.
I know that 2 years ago when I went back to him it was because I answered the phone. I know, NOW, that was a mistake. It just opened the door for him to come in and play some more mind games with me. It was 2 more years out of my life.
I'm not sure how long it takes, but I just want it to be over too.
Let's hope it gets easier every day.
It's hard to make these changes.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Grace
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
you guys really rock. thank you.
I think I'm starting to mourn the loss of a person to addiction...which I think is normal...and at the same time feeling healthier in the sense that I'm not feeling like I can control it at all. but you guys know how there are just moments when the sadness just kills you. thanks, neg.
I think I'm starting to mourn the loss of a person to addiction...which I think is normal...and at the same time feeling healthier in the sense that I'm not feeling like I can control it at all. but you guys know how there are just moments when the sadness just kills you. thanks, neg.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
"I don't think codependency has anything to do with how I feel at this very moment."
I don't your feelings have anything to do with codependency, either, but they have everything to do with being a compassionate human being. There is no doubt about it, watching someone you love succumb to the disease of alcoholism is heartbreaking. Hopefully he will reach his bottom soon. I will keep him in my prayers tonight. You, too, NewEnglandGirl.
I don't your feelings have anything to do with codependency, either, but they have everything to do with being a compassionate human being. There is no doubt about it, watching someone you love succumb to the disease of alcoholism is heartbreaking. Hopefully he will reach his bottom soon. I will keep him in my prayers tonight. You, too, NewEnglandGirl.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
NEG, I know how you feel. My AH just moved to a new city about 5 hours away for a job. He's deep in a binge right now. He is literally wandering the streets of Miami with no food, no money and no car (which broke down some time yesterday from what I understand). It breaks my heart that it has come to this point. He will likely sleep on the street tonight. I know there's nothing that I can do, but it's so sad when alcohol claims another victim like this.
Despite what they put us through, I think it is perfectly OK and normal to feel compassion and sadness that someone could be so sick and tormented that it resorts to this type of desperation and hopelessness. I really belive that allowing ourselves to feel this sadness (without guilt) is part of going through the whole grieving process. We are mourning the people that we love, or have loved. And they're still alive.
Despite what they put us through, I think it is perfectly OK and normal to feel compassion and sadness that someone could be so sick and tormented that it resorts to this type of desperation and hopelessness. I really belive that allowing ourselves to feel this sadness (without guilt) is part of going through the whole grieving process. We are mourning the people that we love, or have loved. And they're still alive.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Originally Posted by WhatAboutME 
He will likely sleep on the street tonight. I know there's nothing that I can do, but it's so sad when alcohol claims another victim like this.
((()))
it is what it is...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 179
I understand too Neg. I've been in your shoes. About changing your cell phone, been there too, sometimes what you should do and your heart is ready to do is different, darn heart doesn't always listen to the brain. It is OK. I'm sorry you're hurting. Hugs to you. B
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newenglandgirl
Your post breaks my heart .... we must never forget that buried deeply inside the addiction is a human being ... and for many of us, we had the opportunity to know what special people our alcoholics were before addiction stole their minds and souls .. and that in time, eventually destroys their bodies as well. It is so tragic to helplessly watch someone that had so much potential and whose life could turned out so differently ...slip away from us more and more each day as alcohol devours their entire being .. and yes we mourn everyday as we lose the person we once knew. My husband, at one time, helped take care of those close to him .. and when he approached the end of his life, it was my turn to take care of him, no matter how sick and confused he had become. I knew I couldn't abandon him in the end, we had shared so many years and memories ... so I stood close enough to reach out when he was helpless..but not so close as to get pulled back into his world of self destruction. When he finally left his tortured body and this world, my children and I were left behind to remember the man he used to be... and the man he wanted so desperately to become once again .. and we forgave him. Our anger is now gone ...left only with a monumental sadness over losing someone still worthy of being loved and cared about.
Your post breaks my heart .... we must never forget that buried deeply inside the addiction is a human being ... and for many of us, we had the opportunity to know what special people our alcoholics were before addiction stole their minds and souls .. and that in time, eventually destroys their bodies as well. It is so tragic to helplessly watch someone that had so much potential and whose life could turned out so differently ...slip away from us more and more each day as alcohol devours their entire being .. and yes we mourn everyday as we lose the person we once knew. My husband, at one time, helped take care of those close to him .. and when he approached the end of his life, it was my turn to take care of him, no matter how sick and confused he had become. I knew I couldn't abandon him in the end, we had shared so many years and memories ... so I stood close enough to reach out when he was helpless..but not so close as to get pulled back into his world of self destruction. When he finally left his tortured body and this world, my children and I were left behind to remember the man he used to be... and the man he wanted so desperately to become once again .. and we forgave him. Our anger is now gone ...left only with a monumental sadness over losing someone still worthy of being loved and cared about.
Last edited by Seeking Wisdom; 04-27-2007 at 11:53 PM.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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"Until he's dead from it, alcohol hasn't claimed him."
He is dead to ME. As far as I am concerned, alcohol has claimed my husband. It has claimed a son, a brother, an uncle and friend. It has complete control over him -Every single decision or step that he makes is to get him closer to his next drink. And at this rate, it will claim his physical life, but that's just a technicality to me at this point.
"Who am I to say that sleeping on the street isn't exactly what is needed for the long climb back up?"
I never said it isn't exactly what is needed for him, or any alcoholic. I agree that they need to fully live the consequences of their drinking if they are ever to get to a point of complete surrender and begin recovery. And if that means sleeping on the street, going hungry, not bathing, getting arrested...So be it. But it's still sad to watch. Me standing by and and not trying to fix these things that happen to him is part of MY recovery and those things happening to him will hopefully lead to HIS recovery.
Sadness is part of the grieving process, and I am grieving my husband, the man I married, the man I fell in love with. Like I said, the fact that he is still physically alive is just a technicality to me. It's OK for us to be said without feeling guilt or doing anything to soften the consequences. Yes they have to go through this, but it still sucks. And that's just sad.
He is dead to ME. As far as I am concerned, alcohol has claimed my husband. It has claimed a son, a brother, an uncle and friend. It has complete control over him -Every single decision or step that he makes is to get him closer to his next drink. And at this rate, it will claim his physical life, but that's just a technicality to me at this point.
"Who am I to say that sleeping on the street isn't exactly what is needed for the long climb back up?"
I never said it isn't exactly what is needed for him, or any alcoholic. I agree that they need to fully live the consequences of their drinking if they are ever to get to a point of complete surrender and begin recovery. And if that means sleeping on the street, going hungry, not bathing, getting arrested...So be it. But it's still sad to watch. Me standing by and and not trying to fix these things that happen to him is part of MY recovery and those things happening to him will hopefully lead to HIS recovery.
Sadness is part of the grieving process, and I am grieving my husband, the man I married, the man I fell in love with. Like I said, the fact that he is still physically alive is just a technicality to me. It's OK for us to be said without feeling guilt or doing anything to soften the consequences. Yes they have to go through this, but it still sucks. And that's just sad.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
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Sadly enough, short of an intervention that works, it is feeling the negative consequences that can bring them back.
I too have felt heartbroken seeing my wife descend. I cried when she was delusional and felt terrible seeing her physical well being and appearance deteriorate.
The boundaries are in place and I made it clear to her I would help her if she chooses recovery. So far, she chooses denial, or should I say, denial has chosen her.
I too have felt heartbroken seeing my wife descend. I cried when she was delusional and felt terrible seeing her physical well being and appearance deteriorate.
The boundaries are in place and I made it clear to her I would help her if she chooses recovery. So far, she chooses denial, or should I say, denial has chosen her.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
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It's so tempting to just accept them back on their terms because those heartbreaking calls come like a lightening bolt and hit your heart nerve dead on. I think it is the element of truth in what they say that breaks our heart. We know that they may not make it without us. We know how much it takes just to keep them this bad off. The conversation is really about need, what they need from us.
Those vulnerable times when they call and cry make us feel like we are loved and needed, that being there to help them is where we are supposed to be.
For that short time, that crumb feels like enough.
I think this time you'll suprise yourself. I think you will change your number and have a good cry. It's so sad but it's over, there is no going back.
Those vulnerable times when they call and cry make us feel like we are loved and needed, that being there to help them is where we are supposed to be.
For that short time, that crumb feels like enough.
I think this time you'll suprise yourself. I think you will change your number and have a good cry. It's so sad but it's over, there is no going back.
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