chero

I'm have such a terrible day and I guess I just need to vent.

My AH (still not drinking) has been such a nightmare to live with. I guess that is normal? I can him slipping downward, quickly,though.

I almost wish he'd start drinking. Sobriety stinks, too! Only now we have to either deal with it or pretend it's okay and I can't just blame everything on the drinking.

Problem is, I've learned so much the last few weeks I can't pretend. I'm ready to pack it up and run. I keep having this lofty plans of the single life again.

I don't know what to do!?!??!???? Can't take too many more days of this!

best

Soft tone.
Boundaries.
Detach.

They work just as well after the intake is stopped.
As much recovery as I have my wife still uses all three to fine tune things and I am more receptive because I notice the pattern of when she is using her tools.

parentrecovers

hey chero, take a deep breath. what are grateful for today? blessings, k

chero

Going to take some time to think...??? I'm glad I have you guys to come to....

chero

I'm sorry! I don't mean for that to sound bad! I'm so glad I have you guys to come to.

After I posted, AH called me at the office. He was all woe is him. I told him I'm tired of fighting all the time. He said we never fight. He doesn't know what I'm talking to about.

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! He makes me crazy!

Does it get better???

best

Not sure how I should answer that *LOL*

All us guys drive our wives crazy...drinking or not.

When we work our own recovery, it does get better.
I improved and she improved as well.
My wife uses the tools second nature and her day goes well no matter what I do. Recovered, improved but I am still a guy and by our nature... well wives will always think we are nuts *LOL*

Cynay

Yep, but the better is the change inside of you..... does not have alot to do with what is going on outside. Change the way you react, feel... the way you look at it. You could start a journal too, it helps to get things out and you can go back and look at it again later ...Some really good laughs in that one.

I think my very first post here was "I liked him better when he was drinking" ... so cracks me up when I look back on everything now... guess we have to laugh otherwise we will loose it.

chero

Cynay, I started a journal this weekend. I can relate to liking him better the other way...except I don't know if I mean it??? But then I at least could blame it alcohol.

It's been such a hard day. I'm tried of waiting for him to fall...I'm prepared to push.

Isn't that awful!!?!??

minnie

Chero, is he just not drinking? Or is he in recovery, whether through AA or counselling or something similar? (Sorry - I've been away for a bit so am not up to speed yet)

There's a big difference between the two. And don't forget, you have worked out a way of co-existing when he was drinking, however imperfect that might have been. And I know how many resentments and unspoken issues are created int he drinking times. So, if he just thinks that everything will be hunky dory because he isn't ingesting alcohol this week, I would suggest that he might not be thinking straight just yet.

Oh, and of you're ready, you're ready. Oldest trick in the book for an alcoholic to stop drinking just when they sense you are about to call it a day.

chero

No recovery. Just...what does he call it...will-power. I said where was the will power during the last 11 years??

I think you're right, they can sense when we are about ready to throw in the towel.

lilac

Reading CoDependent No More (several times) , al-anon, and therapy have helped me a great deal........you will make the right decision when the time comes, I know you will. Take care of YOU.

Sunflower

Chero--hang in then--once you move forwards it is hard to step back isn't it? He must be totally bewildered by your new found thinking and the way you are handle everything differently now!!

chero

I'm hanging on!! and I'm am NOT turning around!

I've come too far to waste the rest of the journey. Someone reminded me I didn't get this way overnight and I won't get better overnight! I'm just sooo anxious for it to be over and better or something???

dollydo

I always hated waiting for the other shoe to drop...my ex-abf never really worked a program, he thought he could gut it out...did that work NO...in the meantime I was getting more stressed by the day...crazy cycle.

You'll know when it's time to throw in the towel, it will hit you like a bolt of lightening.

Sunflower

You want out thats what you want--you are tired of his BS--and I don't blame you!Time for YOU to have a life!!!

chero

A bolt of lightening, huh? Maybe I ought to stand out on the balcony with my blow dryer going during a rain storm like in the movies and hurry things along!?!?

dollydo

That'll work...ZAP...I used a golf club, in Florida it is sure fired way to "See The Light"

WhatAboutME

I'm right there w/ you Chero! At this point, I should be standing on the roof with one of those lightening rods firmly clutched in my hands.

chero

ROFL!!

Don't ya'll ever wonder what happened and how you got here?? and who the heck is out there living your life???

IO Storm

Why don't you just leave the guy alone? He is trying to

stay sober...why are you insistent pushing him to the

edge? Is he being quiet now and you have no one to fight

with?

Are you having acute withdrawals from the drama and

chaos?

What are you doing for you?

Sherry