AW and Divorce
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 20
AW and Divorce
Hi All,
My wife and I have decided that the last three years that she has been an AW has too many painful memories and it is time to move on without each other. From my point of view, I have endured from her a DUI, Jail (2 days for failed breathalizer in car), and now a few days out of Rehab. This all in the last 14 months.
She is confident that she will take full custody of my kids even with her prior history in the last year. I remided her of these things and the straw that broke the camels back was 6 weeks ago she got drunk when I was gone and hit my 11 year onld daughter for not blowing into the cars braethalizer for her.
She sounds like a bad mother but she is really not. My primary focus is protecting the kids from another incident.
Anyway, what is your opinion on how courts looks at recent DUI, jail and fresh out of rehab as it relates to custody?????
Thanks
My wife and I have decided that the last three years that she has been an AW has too many painful memories and it is time to move on without each other. From my point of view, I have endured from her a DUI, Jail (2 days for failed breathalizer in car), and now a few days out of Rehab. This all in the last 14 months.
She is confident that she will take full custody of my kids even with her prior history in the last year. I remided her of these things and the straw that broke the camels back was 6 weeks ago she got drunk when I was gone and hit my 11 year onld daughter for not blowing into the cars braethalizer for her.
She sounds like a bad mother but she is really not. My primary focus is protecting the kids from another incident.
Anyway, what is your opinion on how courts looks at recent DUI, jail and fresh out of rehab as it relates to custody?????
Thanks
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
so sorry utahman .. whether its for the best or not its not easy and my heart goes out to your children . I know how hard it is for me to see my kids hurt.
With that said , I dont think she has a snowballs chance in hell of getting anything more than supervised visitation and I think shes crazy for thinking she will . I filed for custody and child support and the court told me that about my ah , i dont think in this situation it matters whether you are mother or father . you are cleary the better more stable parent and any judge in the world will see that from a mile away .
Lots of luck to you .
With that said , I dont think she has a snowballs chance in hell of getting anything more than supervised visitation and I think shes crazy for thinking she will . I filed for custody and child support and the court told me that about my ah , i dont think in this situation it matters whether you are mother or father . you are cleary the better more stable parent and any judge in the world will see that from a mile away .
Lots of luck to you .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
The judge will listen to all evidence. Document, Document, Document. Take photos of the hidden bottles, copy the rehab admittance papers, DWI info etc. to give to the court. The court will also listen to your childrens opinions.
Most important, if you are moving towards a divorce.....get prepared in secret. Get your own P.O. Box, checking account, credit card. Talk to lawyer and understand the laws of your State. Be prepared to cap or close joint checking and credit card accounts. Get all financial info, tax, wills, power of attorneys out of your house and into a safe deposit box. You will have to give up this info later during discovery, but why make it easy for her lawyer.
Do not leave the house for any reason. Possesion is 9/10ths of the law. You may be able to get her to leave. If you can, your lawyer can use "Domestic Criminal Tresspass laws, to keep her out.
Divorce is war and you must play to win. Men usually get the short end of the stick and you need to protect your financial well being to take care of your kids later in life.
Do all this in secret...Tell no one! Keep your poker face!
You must now be an actor.....do not let your emotions rule. Best of luck!
Most important, if you are moving towards a divorce.....get prepared in secret. Get your own P.O. Box, checking account, credit card. Talk to lawyer and understand the laws of your State. Be prepared to cap or close joint checking and credit card accounts. Get all financial info, tax, wills, power of attorneys out of your house and into a safe deposit box. You will have to give up this info later during discovery, but why make it easy for her lawyer.
Do not leave the house for any reason. Possesion is 9/10ths of the law. You may be able to get her to leave. If you can, your lawyer can use "Domestic Criminal Tresspass laws, to keep her out.
Divorce is war and you must play to win. Men usually get the short end of the stick and you need to protect your financial well being to take care of your kids later in life.
Do all this in secret...Tell no one! Keep your poker face!
You must now be an actor.....do not let your emotions rule. Best of luck!
Last edited by guyinNC; 04-20-2007 at 01:52 PM. Reason: add info
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: East Coast
Posts: 45
I am not attorney and I have not been through a divorce or custody battle but I have consulted with an attorney. I do have similar experience however with a wife who drank and used Rx drugs for seven years, drove with the kids drunk, had a DUI, and went to rehab. She has been sober ever since rehab thankfully and coming up on 8 months.
The attorney I spoke to in PA said that her history would weigh heavily on a custody decision. Chances that a judge is going to grant full custody to someone who has proven to make poor life decisions that endanger people, especially children is pretty slim.
I don't know how this would compare in Utah, but I suspect it would be similar. I take it your wife is still drinking? If she is unable to demostrate a history of sobriety, it will certainly make her desire for custody more difficult to obtain.
I wish you well. Do what is best for you and your children.
The attorney I spoke to in PA said that her history would weigh heavily on a custody decision. Chances that a judge is going to grant full custody to someone who has proven to make poor life decisions that endanger people, especially children is pretty slim.
I don't know how this would compare in Utah, but I suspect it would be similar. I take it your wife is still drinking? If she is unable to demostrate a history of sobriety, it will certainly make her desire for custody more difficult to obtain.
I wish you well. Do what is best for you and your children.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
the courts have special advocates that work with these problems--they will help you out--doesn't sound to good for her--get a lawyer and documentate all that has happened.
So so sorry for all your troubles....poor kids....
So so sorry for all your troubles....poor kids....
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Not sure how something like this would play out in court but I would certainly hire a good Lawyer. One with lots of trial experience and many years practicing law in your local legal system, knows all the Judges type of thing.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Dont have alot of advise on they guys end of it....
But when I divorced my ex-AH.... I did just what Guy told you too.
We got joint custody but I was custodial parent and she lived with me.... another word of advise.... Document everthing after that too.... I would keep a journal just on my ex - about 9 years later when I decided that his refusal to be consistant in visitations was giving my daughter a nervous breakdown.... I decided to move her to a more stable support system.... which was another state.... He tried to blow a fuse and because I kept that journal I could prove how unactive he was in her life.... how manytimes he canceled and prove that in moving he would actually see her more. I got everything I wanted.
Saved my butt too when he tried to reduse childsupport on me to the min... cuz he put his assets in his new wifes name. But I could give dates of when he made major purchases and they could go back and track it.
It is soooooo sad and I know parents that work really well together for the kids.... but I was not about to take the chance my ex would and it saved my bum.
But when I divorced my ex-AH.... I did just what Guy told you too.
We got joint custody but I was custodial parent and she lived with me.... another word of advise.... Document everthing after that too.... I would keep a journal just on my ex - about 9 years later when I decided that his refusal to be consistant in visitations was giving my daughter a nervous breakdown.... I decided to move her to a more stable support system.... which was another state.... He tried to blow a fuse and because I kept that journal I could prove how unactive he was in her life.... how manytimes he canceled and prove that in moving he would actually see her more. I got everything I wanted.
Saved my butt too when he tried to reduse childsupport on me to the min... cuz he put his assets in his new wifes name. But I could give dates of when he made major purchases and they could go back and track it.
It is soooooo sad and I know parents that work really well together for the kids.... but I was not about to take the chance my ex would and it saved my bum.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Get an attorney.
They may be able to recommend a counselor for your children. As well as have a counselor-type person (can't recall the name of them) that will talk to your children through the court system.
Also, depending on the ages of all of your children, they may be able to choose by state law which parent they wish to reside with.
As was stated above, document everything. I failed to do this and wish I would have. (Not only for the kid's sake, but my own sake as it's easy to forget incidences and was easier to get sucked back into the fog)
First things first though - consult an attorney and file for legal custody. I would think that you'd be granted temporary custody and then you will begin the battle of getting full and permanent custody.
Final word of advice: Don't stall. Get an attorney now. A's are great at doing the unexpected even when we don't think they will do certain things. be proactive and take steps now.
They may be able to recommend a counselor for your children. As well as have a counselor-type person (can't recall the name of them) that will talk to your children through the court system.
Also, depending on the ages of all of your children, they may be able to choose by state law which parent they wish to reside with.
As was stated above, document everything. I failed to do this and wish I would have. (Not only for the kid's sake, but my own sake as it's easy to forget incidences and was easier to get sucked back into the fog)
First things first though - consult an attorney and file for legal custody. I would think that you'd be granted temporary custody and then you will begin the battle of getting full and permanent custody.
Final word of advice: Don't stall. Get an attorney now. A's are great at doing the unexpected even when we don't think they will do certain things. be proactive and take steps now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I'm with GuyinNC. Evidence speaks for itself. A good lawyer helps. Frankly, if it gets right down to it, I think she will give you custody rather than have this stuff come out in court, However, it will come out anyway. She should have nothing more than supervised visitation.
You didn't create her history, she did.
I think it's important to keep your kids best interest in the heart of this matter.
Slapping your child because they won't participate in the drinking cover up is 100% unacceptable no matter what kind of spin she puts on it.
By the way, I hope you praised your daughter for not doing it.
My motivation to push hard is that you are looking at court instead of a funeral. Your daughter was a very brave and smart girl.
I think you are in good shape to get full custody.
Remain composed, document every incident you can think of and all that come along, get to a lawyer soon to start proceedings, be clear about the custody issue and don't back down. Don't leave your house to live somewhere else. Your wife will try to get you to leave, make her leave. You have enough evidence right now to have an order of protection put in place.
I would be swift and thorough.
You didn't create her history, she did.
I think it's important to keep your kids best interest in the heart of this matter.
Slapping your child because they won't participate in the drinking cover up is 100% unacceptable no matter what kind of spin she puts on it.
By the way, I hope you praised your daughter for not doing it.
My motivation to push hard is that you are looking at court instead of a funeral. Your daughter was a very brave and smart girl.
I think you are in good shape to get full custody.
Remain composed, document every incident you can think of and all that come along, get to a lawyer soon to start proceedings, be clear about the custody issue and don't back down. Don't leave your house to live somewhere else. Your wife will try to get you to leave, make her leave. You have enough evidence right now to have an order of protection put in place.
I would be swift and thorough.
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